EVEN MORE VERSATILE VERSE !

He’ll sign me up to wear stockings and a girdle
Which is no good for jumping a hurdle

I’m going to change the last line as it seems to have brought the thread to a halt .......

He’ll sign me up to wear stockings and a girdle

Now I look glam I might venture out
Perhaps I’ll meet a modelling talent scout

He’ll sign me up to wear hold-ups and stockings

Off to the salon for a darn good waxing
It makes me scream, so painful and taxing,

But worth it to have skin like a baby
Never say never. Just say maybe.

Now I look glam I might venture out

Off to the salon for a darn good waxing
It makes me scream, so painful and taxing,

But worth it to have skin like a baby

You should see my legs though shapely and long
Are very hairy - I look like King Kong!

Off to the salon for a darn good waxing

Hmm... G cup? Wishful thinking, I’m only a C,
More than an egg cup but less than a tea.

I’ve never been well endowed in the bosom department
I’ve got what you’d call a small escarpment?

You should see my legs though shapely and long

Hmm... G cup? Wishful thinking, I’m only a C,
More than an egg cup but less than a tea.

I’ve never been well endowed in the bosom department

How can I do that if I'm covered up?
Surely they'd like to see my G Cup

Hmm...G cup? Wishful thinking, I'm only a 'C'

It’s perceived as our civic duty
But I want to show off my beauty

How can I do that if I'm covered up?

Harder to choose now we all wear a mask
And if not, we’re taken to task

It’s perceived as our civic duty

But a rotter is rotten right through to the core.
I’ve had 3 husbands, don’t want any more

Harder to choose now we all wear a mask

Not everyone’s as bad as my ex,
I don’t wish to label people because of their sex,

But a rotter is rotten right through to the core.

Love them and leave them is my motto
Feed them a dish of poisoned risotto

Not everyone’s as bad as my ex

Mind you, I don't really trust any of them
Except my Dad, he was a gem

Love them and leave them is my motto

All my beaus have been the strong silent type
But maybe that's better than one full of hype

Mind you, I don't really trust any of them

My mother always said the quiet ones are the worst
And she was right - I must be cursed

All my beaus have been the strong silent type

But I reckon they’re as rare as hen’s teeth
I want one who buys me flowers, not steals me a wreath

My mother always said the quiet ones are the worst

I like a smartly dressed man who's polite
Sophisticated by day and sexy at night.

But I reckon they're as rare as hen's teeth

And it would help if he had a few bob
Not one who behaved like a slob

I like a smartly dressed man who's polite

It’s high time I was wined and dined
By somebody loving and very refined

And it would help if he had a few bob

I want a passionate holiday romance
With a George Clooney lookalike - any chance?

It’s high time I was wined and dined

I think I need a holiday in the sun
I can’t be forever living like a nun

I want a passionate holiday romance

I’ve spent hours in my garden, it’s looking a treat
But it's very hard work and now I feel beat.

I think I need a holiday in the sun

But my glass is half full and I hope for the best
I’ll find new hobbies, and in between I’ll rest

I’ve spent hours in my garden, it’s looking a treat