Versatile Verse 3

If Darling Buds of May was to be recast ....
My agent would arrange an audition - so fast

I see myself as Mariette, Pop’s eldest daughter

I’ve looked up James Martin’s recipe for sticky Parkin
Now I’m beginning to feel like Ma Larkin!

If Darling Buds of May was to be recast....

We need some treats as the autumn wind blows
I have a sweet tooth as everyone knows

I’ve looked up James Martin’s recipe for sticky Parkin

But yet I keep checking the fridge every hour
I'll do some baking, where's the flour?

We need some treats as the autumn wind blows

Round my middle I’ve gained an unsightly spare tyre
That's a warning I know, it's pretty dire

But yet I keep checking the fridge every hour

Lockdown has turned me into a slob,
My hair has turned into an unruly “bob”

Round my middle I’ve gained an unsightly spare tyre

Let's hope the weather 's fine and fair
That reminds me, must wash my hair

Lockdown has turned me to a slob

Tomorrow we'll drive to John OGroats
and watch the fishermen on their boats
Let's hope the weather 's fine and fair

A pistachio Kulfi To finish the meal
Then dance a lively Scottish reel.

Tomorrow we'll drive to John O'Groats

Accompanied by a peshwari naan
And a cobra beer swigged out of a can

A pistachio Kulfi To finish the meal

I’d love to see the Taj Mahal
Then have a curry and some dhal

Accompanied by a peshwari naan

By then, the elephants had stomped away
Maybe I'll see them another day

I'd love to see the Taj Mahal

I grabbed my camera and put on my boots
Then tripped over a pair of bandicoots

By then, the elephants had stomped away

At midnight we heard this trumpeting sound
The elephants are coming, they’re gathering ground.

I grabbed my camera and put on my boots

I once went to see elephants in Sri Lanka
The mahout and I, we shared a bunker

At midnight, we heard this trumpeting sound

I once went to see elephants in Sri Lanka
It beats slumming it on the Costa Blanca

My next trip will be to see the Alhambra

Now I prefer the inside of a plane going somewhere exotic
I drag my large suitcase down from the attic

I once went to see see elephants in Sri Lanka

I swear I didn't stop shaking for a day
I wouldn't do it again for any amount of pay

Now I prefer the inside of a plane going somewhere exotic

My ambitions are really quite mundane
If you don’t count the time I wing-walked on a plane

I swear I didn’t stop shaking for a day

I wish I could be a writer like J K Rowling
Or get a few 'strikes' at ten-pin bowling

My ambitions are really quite mundane

We’ve got to escape from reality sometimes
Letting creative juices flow while we join in these rhymes

I wish I could be a writer like J K Rowling

No-one will know that Nan is under here
Rotten will be proud of my homemade gear

We've got to escape from reality, sometimes

So bring back Punk Rock so I can go out in disguise
What a great idea, I'll dress up my face, head, eyes

No-one will know that Nan is under here

I look my best with bag over my head
As no one will see me, I may as well be dead

So bring back Punk Rock so I can go out in disguise

I may try speed dating, give that a whirl
But they'll soon be off, I'm not a good looking girl.

I look my best with bag over my head.