VERSATILE VERSE 3

He followed me home, so I knew he was keen
He promised to be faithful and never be mean

And he's been true to his word as well as generous and kind

But then I relented, for I love him still
From the day we met at the Sainsbury’s till

He followed me home, so I knew he was keen

I said you’re defo not sharing the marital bed
So go and chew parsley and sleep in the shed.

But then I relented, for I love him still

So he's off to indulge at the chippy instead
He also orders his favourite, garlic bread

I said “you’re defo not sharing the marital bed”

'I'm off home to Mother' he says with a grin
Good luck with that, she eats from a tin

So he's off to indulge at the chippy instead

My husband hides in the shed, on baking day
So "Order a pizza", I angrily say

"I'm off home to Mother" he says with a grin

As for me, for baking I just don't have the skill
My scones are like rocks, throw them, they kill !

My husband hides in the shed, on baking day

I ate it with raspberries, strawberries, scones
my friend bakes her own, they're the very best ones

As for me, for baking I just don't have the skill

Perhaps you could make your own clotted cream
I tried it, and mmm, the results were a dream

I ate it with raspberries, strawberries, scones

With lettuces, tomatoes and our one apple tree
We'll never be short of something for tea.

Perhaps you could make your own clotted cream

He likes petunias but I prefer hollyhocks
and we'll plant a few herbs between the bordering rocks

With lettuces, tomatoes and our one apple tree

Perhaps we should plant up some annual borders.
I'm just awaiting my other half's orders.

He likes petunias but I prefer hollyhocks

He doesn’t like quizzes but he does like to read
And gardening for him is a pleasure indeed.

Perhaps we should plant up some annual borders.

So he'll find me soon and then I'll say 'Let's play a different game'
but don't know what to do that he wouldn't find tame.

He doesn't like quizzes but he does like to read

He's very lonely so we're playing hide and seek
I noticed when I ran to hide he had a little peek

So he’ll find me soon and then I’ll say, “Let’s play a different game”

Please come and undo me, I’m stuck here with cramp!
I can't help I'm afraid, I'm visiting Gramp.

He's very lonely so we're playing hide and seek

Then try to copy his every move
It gives a new meaning to ‘stuck in the groove!’

Please come and undo me, I’m stuck here with cramp!

He ties himself in knots, and then bursts out in song
It's so very cheering we all sing along

then try to copy his every move

For who needs a trainer? I’ll do it alone.
There’s a new yoga teacher, he’s from Ceylon

He ties himself in knots, and then bursts out in song

I’ll make economies and tighten my belt
Do squats and then push ups to make me look svelte.

For who needs a trainer? I’ll do it alone.

I an not exactly 'flushed' as they say
and I'm not expecting a big rise in my pay

I'll make economies and tighten my belt

A personal trainer seems a good idea
Can I afford it? How much is the hire ?

I am not exactly ‘flushed’ as they say

Tried weight watchers, slimming world, now I'm on Noon
Something must work, I just hope it's soon

A personal trainer seems a good idea

I think I will start a new diet today
And hope the spare kilos will soon melt away

Tried weight watchers, slimming world, now I’m on Noom

So consider starting this dilemma afresh.
A good idea, as the two do not mesh.

I think I will start a new diet today