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The scariest Halloween beast
A spider, which daily increased
Its size was immense
A foot and nine- tenths

The scariest Halloween beast
A spider, which daily increased
Its size was immense

The scariest Halloween beast
A spider, which daily increased

There was a wee beastie called Thomas
‘Twas our favourite, specially Momma’s
He looked like a train
Not much of a brain
But, at least, this line, has plenty of, commas.

The scariest Halloween beast

There was a wee beastie called Thomas
‘Twas our favourite, specially Momma’s
He looked like a train
Not much of a brain

There was a wee beastie called Thomas
‘Twas our favourite, specially Momma’s
He looked like a train

There was a wee beastie called Thomas
‘Twas our favourite, specially Momma’s

So, I never got close to the beast
He didn't get me for a feast
Many false sightings
Daytimes and nightings
He could pop his head up at least.

There was a wee beastie called Thomas

So I never got close to the beast
He didn’t get me for a feast
Many false sightings
Daytimes and nightings

So I never got close to the beast
He didn’t get me for a feast
Many false sightings

So I never got close to the beast
He didn’t get me for a feast

I swam up the lake to meet him
The water was icy and grim
He dived down below
Where I couldn’t
And the water was awfully dim.

So I never got close to the beast

I swam up the lake to meet him
The water was icy and grim
He dived down below
Where I couldn’t go

I swam up the lake to meet him
The water was icy and grim
He dived down below

I swam up the lake to meet him
The water was icy and grim

And, whilst we’re in Scotland, Loch Ness
Is the scariest lake, I confess!
Twas Nessie I saw
I stood there in awe
'Cos his hair was really a mess.

I swan up the lake to meet him

And, whilst we’re in Scotland, Loch Ness
Is the scariest lake, I confess!
Twas Nessie I saw
I stood there in awe

And, whilst we’re in Scotland, Loch Ness
Is the scariest lake, I confess!
Twas Nessie I saw

And, whilst we’re in Scotland, Loch Ness
Is the scariest lake, I confess!

His girlfriend came from Aberdeen
Her hair had a coppery sheen
Though Scotch was her drink,
Or port, with a wink
She’d only get drunk on Poteen.

And, whilst we’re in Scotland, Loch Ness

She'd accept port with a wink

His girlfriend came from Aberdeen
Her hair had a coppery sheen
Though Scotch was her drink,

His girlfriend came from Aberdeen
Her hair had a coppery sheen

There was a young man from Dundee
Who loved Arbroath Smokies for tea
With hot, buttered toast
It's what he like most
He balanced his plate on his knee.

His girlfriend came from Aberdeen

There was a young man from Dundee
Who loved Arbroath Smokies for tea
With hot, buttered toast
It’s what he liked most