New Limerick

It will soon be the start of sales
Bargains galore on the rails
But all the wrong size
Stuff that nobody buys

It will soon be the start of sales
Bargains galore on the rails
But all the wrong size
Stuff nobody buys
Just ends up as rubbish in bales

It’s pinch, punch, last day of the month

It’s pinch, punch, last day of the month
Nothing rhymes, so I'll make my lunch

It’s pinch, punch, last day of the month
Nothing rhymes, so I'll make my lunch
"Rabbits" tomorrow

The inkpot sat in its own hole
It was sort of a cute little bowl

The inkpot sat in its own hole
It was sort of a cute little bowl
The ink was dark blue

inkpots was on previous page

It’s pinch, punch, last day of the month
Nothing rhymes, so I'll make my lunch
"Rabbits" tomorrow
Sayings we borrow

It’s pinch, punch, last day of the month
Nothing rhymes, so I'll make my lunch
"Rabbits" tomorrow
Sayings we borrow
Not heard that one but I’ve got a hunch

‘Hair of the dog’ sounds Greek to me

Hair of the dog’ sounds Greek to me
It sounds like you got pissed you'll see

'Hair of the dog' sounds Greek to me
It sounds like you got pissed you'll see
Just knock back some more

Hair of the dog' sounds Greek to me
It sounds like you got pissed you'll see
Just knock back some more
You won’t feel so sore

Hair of the dog' sounds Greek to me
It sounds like you got pissed you'll see
Just knock back some more
You won’t feel so sore
I think you should have stuck to tea

A ballerina from Dumfries

A ballerina from Dumfries
Was scared that she'd become obese

A ballerina from Dumfries
Was scared that she'd become obese
She lived on lettuce

A ballerina from Dumfries
Was scared that she'd become obese
She lived on lettuce
And had a fetish

A ballerina from Dumfries
Was scared that she'd become obese
She lived on lettuce
And had a fetish
For dancing without her ‘undies’

The orchestra were distracted

The orchestra were distracted
Though the men did seem attracted

The orchestra were distracted
Though the men did seem attracted
They hit the wrong notes

The orchestra were distracted
Though the men did seem attracted
They hit the wrong notes
And honked like tugboats

The orchestra were distracted
Though the men did seem attracted
They hit the wrong notes
And honked like tugboats
You should see how the audience acted!

The police soon arrived on the scene

The police soon arrived on the scene
Though reluctant to intervene

The police soon arrived on the scene
Though reluctant to intervene
It was all just a farce

The police soon arrived on the scene
Though reluctant to intervene
It was just a farce

The police soon arrived on the scene
Though reluctant to intervene
It was just a farce
Though her clothes were sparse

The police soon arrived on the scene
Though reluctant to intervene
It was a farce
Though her clothes were sparse
Giselle wasn't really obscene

I'm fed up of cutting the grass