Empty Nest Syndrome

I keep on thinking, this will be the last time we go to the beach, go to the cinema, pick fruit together - of course it doesn't have to be, but it may well be. I am driving him mad at the moment by taking photos of him, because these are the last weeks in which I can still think of him as my boy, not a young man. I have been mourning him in advance all year.

I love it when my daughter and her babies come to stay, but I would love to have her to myself for a few days. I now understand why my own mother gets a bit ratty when we all descend, I know realise that she would like a heart to heart and never really gets one and even the phone is not quite enough.

It's very hard to stay cheery, and he has already said that he doesn't want us to drive up on my birthday for a meal, as it is too soon after the start of his new term. I was sort of counting on it to keep me going until christmas. Oh well.

RAF the Borneo one would have had me on happy pills! I have a friend whose son was shot in the back in Guatemala, by thieves. He is now paralysed from the waist down.

My 24 year old grandson, who has been living with us for the last 8 years, keeps the nest from being empty.

Added to this various other close family members visit and have sleepovers.

Sometimes, especially at weekends, I feel I'm trying to get to sleep in a bed in the middle of a busy Oxford Street, with people coming and going throughout the night. Most of the time I count myself blessed!

I do sympathise, was like a bereavement each time one of mine left. Eldest went on gap year to Borneo, saying it would be better to have no contact, you can imagine how that felt! He lasted two days and rang home. Quiet for a while then the faxes started (this was 1991) "Have been living on boiled rice for two weeks, please send money"!

Then we had one at Exeter, one at Manchester, and one at Leeds unis, so beginnings of term were interesting.

The first week is dreadful, the next two you ache, and after that it calms down. Then one day you put your key in the door of your nice tidy home, fall over the smelly trainers in the hall, and the piles of washing - they are back!

I was in anguish for my daughters whole wedding day, I now know why Bride's mum's cry, it isn't necessarily from happiness! :-)

But then they graduate, they get married, the grandchildren come along (hopefully in that order) and suddenly you are in demand again, I have a better relationship with my daughter now than ever I did before she left home.

I had my children early on, and now they are all in their 40s. (I am 67) I do remember the last one leaving university and setting up home with his girlfriend, and realising that a new stage was starting, and feeling a little sad.

But I had never not had children - DD arrived slightly before our marriage - so I quite quickly began to enjoy the new life. And I worked full time too, so was very very busy.

Still get a lump in my throat, though, when the visiting little families leave!

It helps to know that ENS is felt by many others. I'm just having it second time around as my eldest grandchild has just gone over 200 miles away to start uni later this month.
I don't think anyone or anything can ever fill the void left by departing children and grandchildren. Try as we may to fill our lives with other things, nothing ever quite fills that empty nest, does it.

You think you'll never get used to if, but you will. You're losing a boy but you'll get him back as a man.

So, mine is off at the end of the month. I feel desperately sad most of the time, although I hide it especially when he gets a little worried at the thought of being away from us. At other times I think of less cooking, less washing and a fridge that doesn't empty itself seemingly miraculously, but it doesn't compensate.

Unless he was selling replacement teenagers I'm not interested.

Reported.

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Shouldn't this be in Media? Has it been OKd by GNHQ?

WOW; Does that include the flight to America ...

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I know, sometimes I think I must be mad at the thought of missing my children so much. I shall also be left with a grumpy large rabbit to clear out and put in its pen every day, I have threatened to pack her off with him.

That reminds me of the times I carried loads of teenage hockey players to matches somewhere remote and had to hang about on the touch line, then ferry them back all sweaty and mucky, usually bleeding from some injury or other. And then there were the cricket matches that lasted well into the twilight... as well as the green stains on white trousers. No wonder I never felt the impact of the empty nest!

I have a feeling I shall be in the same boat as you, dogs4me. My husband announced the other night that he wants to change jobs, so will be applying for one that will take him away from home a lot. I don't see much of him as it is. I'm going to have to force myself to get out more and be more sociable, I suppose, and I keep on telling myself how lovely it will be not to have huge piles of dirty games kit and far less cooking to do. I shall miss the school runs, as I enjoy talking to my son, but I shan't miss hanging around in the dark and cold waiting to pick him up from various events.

Come and have a , a nice and a big hug dogs4me Don't be sad on you own.

Just when I think I am beginning to feel better I have a bad moment and I feel deadful all over again. Finding the waves of moods difficult to manage today. Finding hard to adapt to new life and changes and being inmy bungalow alone. Realy feel I dont like my home any more. I used to love it. Having CBT next week and if I dont think it will help after first session will go to GP for some pills to take the edge of these horrid and scarey feelings.

Having had my children when I was quite young meant that I was still young when they left home. I had a great time spreading my wings before GC came along.

My eldest is in Yorkshire with the Grand children and husband. My middle daughter is in vancouver Canada and my lovely son is in Galway Ireland. I miss them every single day and have not got used to it yet. I miss them so much. I loved the company and chaos when they were all at home and i am having a hard time coping with it. Hubby is lovely but he is not one for "chat"
I have to make a life for myself i think!

Tomorrow my son goes back to school for his last term - and next term depending on grades he will either be at university or at a job far away, that he already has lined up. Last night I was having nigtmares about it, the final part of the dream spent packing his cases and taking him to the station and suddenly he turned into a tiny tot struggling with the vast bags and his soft toy, but I knew I couldn't help him even in the dream. It was so hard. I shall be a complete wreck by the time he leaves. My maternal instinct needs an Off switch.
My husband doesn't seem to feel the same at all, it's almost as if he is looking forward to having less responsibilty, although I know he loves him very much. I suppose I find it hard to imagine the way he is thinking, just as he can't understand why I am so sad.

I have just come onto this thread.

I have yet to suffer ENS. My DS1 left home many years ago to live his own life.He contacts us occasionly.DS2 is another character.He married at 19, he and his wife had 3 chikdren in quick sucession.It was a stormy marriage and he would return home when they fell out, then go back when all was forgiven to his wife.They finally parted for good after 6 years together, got divorced and he moved back with me and DH.Twelve years ago he found another partner,brought her back to live with him in my house, they had two chilldren, got married, and are still living with us, along with their children and one of his daughters from his first marriage.

When and if they move out I think I will suffer dreadfully from ENS.

Mary XYX, I haven't been following this thread as I have never suffered from ENS, but I have finally read it all and I am so glad that you are able to talk about your experiences to us. It must have taken a lot of courage to follow your true nature and I am so sorry that you found some people so uncharitable. My best wishes to you.

janerowena: I don't have anything against the congregation of my previous church. My impression was they did as they were told by the leader and didn't ask questions. My partner and I had already got a bad reputation by asking questions!

I do really need to find some paid work, almost anything considered, but at the moment I'm getting more involved in voluntary work and social groups. The local Age-UK guy has just started a singing group in my town. I was "stealth" through the initial get-to-know session but it couldn't last. As soon as they asked if any of us sang harmony and I put my hand up and said Bass I was rather well "out".

Ariadne: Thank you - I am still a bit insecure about how I'm received.