Depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy

Hope your holiday is a wonderful break, Sel! {{hug}}

SEL enjoy the lovely warm sunshine , it will do the both of you the power of good .

And one from me too, Sel and all of you strong, brave women!

A note of caution about St John's Wort. It is not advisable to take it with quite a range of medications, including Tamoxifen and statins. It is a pity because I found it very effective. Vitamin B6 helps though - I used to take it for PMT.

Sel A special gentle hug from me to you.

Sel hope you manage to have a lovely time, both of you.

soop

Bluebelle You are NO kind of an alien. Not at all.

jings I was cleaning the kitchen cupboards and suddenly realised that I was surrounded by heaps of clutter. I sat on the floor and said...I cannot do this. That was long ago. For far too long making myself do anything, no matter how trivial, was a trial. There is help and there is light at the end of that long, dark tunnel. I wish all my Granspals the peace of mind they richly deserve.

Bluebelle,yes it keeps the me on an even keel I would rather not be on it but hey ho whatever helps.some of us are just more sensitive to what life throws at us.They say what don't kill us makes us stronger,but I don't believe that.Although I'm very happy now I can't cope with a lot of stress.

thanks grannylin we're on a mission to find both then get back here and get on with the treatment.

Hope you have lots of sun and warmth Sel

Rowantree no, you are right, Something physical is ok - mental, you feel you should be able to cope. I experienced panic attacks in my 20s and when they hit me, my GP had no clue, I had no clue what they were. Panic attacks seem to be an almost 'catch all' term now but for anyone who has experienced a true panic attack, it's horrific.. I would guess for anyone experiencing true depression, then 'being depressed' is the same

From what I've read on here, there's a tremendous amount of insight into one's own psyche and yet the same 'I should feel different' 'I should rise above this'. Well, actually no, you're human, you should feel the way you do - scream and shout as much as you want. Then, reflect and maybe search for answers. Maybe not answers, inspiration. I played tennis with 'a quitter never wins' resounding through my head. It can work.

You do just have the one life. Make it what you can.

Off in the morning with my wonderful man with his scary prognosis to Florida riding the roller coasters and on to Barbados - all sounds wonderful but think what will be actually going through our minds.

So you just never know, but the one thing you have control over is you, yourself. No one else.

Jinglebells sorry I didn't mean to miss your post out I m pleased you got help it gives me hope I won't always be this three horned alien

Thanks to everyone for your answers its actually comforting to hear others say that what seems so alien is normal for someone in a depression
Tegan I think you've hit the nail on the head everything happened in a short space of time and it was like the rug had just been firmly pulled from under my feet For the last year I've carried on trying to be normal but recognising bit by bit that it just isn't me any more I feel I've lost my whole personality I cry more and more when on my own and I get irritable quickly I've always prided myself on my high levels of tolerance.
Rowantree I think the idea of small steps and more structure is a good one perhaps for a while I will have to almost make a list so that I don't just fester all day
I have made a big step today as my daughter asked me on the phone if I was alright, normally I would say 'of course I m ok' but today I told her, not in detail, but just that I thought I was a bit low, she was very helpful saying similar things to what you guys have and she did say it was the price I was paying for always putting everyone before myself being the 'carer' and now there was only me and I didn't know how to look after me and now I needed to do just that (not sure how but I'll try and work on it)
Elen did the medication help? I know all of my friend/associates think I'm the jolly one

Hi Rowentree and Bluebell I have had depression on and off for thirty years following a breakdown.(long story)my doctor eventually gave me 10millagrms Citalopram,as a kind off matinence dose.everyone I know could never believe that I'd suffered with it.as I've always had a happy disposition.Have made two resolutions this year thet I intend to follow.Firstly I'm not going to let my emotions rule me,and second I'm not going to expect people to behave the way I think they should,and then I won't be dissapointed.(I know this doesn't apply when your depressed)Hope this helps you.

Sel - so sorry you feel such shame for asking for help, but I am glad you did. I repeat: would you have felt the same if you'd gone asking for treatment for a gammy leg/hip/heart or whatever? Somehow, when it comes to our minds, we feel that any malfunctioning=signs of weakness and lack of fibre. Not so. The sooner we talk about this stuff without feeling such shame, the easier it will be for others suffering to do the same. So many are struggling on in secret, not feeling able to admit to feeling depressed or anxious or not coping well. I think we fear judgement or censure, and there are still those who DO judge and ridicule, but for more people it's a relief to know others feel the same, or similarly.
Sadly, sometimes it needs more than a couple of trips to the GP - they are Jacks of All Trades, and some are excellent, but they have limited time and expertise. It's a good idea to ask for a referral for talking therapy, if it's available, because that works well in conjunction with medication. Sometimes things are rather more complicated (I've been struggling for decades, on and off) but at least if your GP knows how you are feeling, it's a first step along the road to feeling better.
Depression can present in different ways, too, not just the obvious ones (sadness, lethargy, lack of motivation...). You can feel you have a very short fuse, get easily irritable, can't concentrate, start things and can't find the motivation to finish them, procrastinate, sleep too much or too little, eat likewise...then there's loss of libido, withdrawing from others....the list goes on. Anxiety is often linked to depression too.

In my experience, it's a good idea NOT to dismiss or minimise one's symptoms when describing them to the GP. If they know how much you are suffering, they can gauge how severe your depression is. If you omit things because you feel they aren't relevant or important, then the GP can't get a true picture.
Mine used a daft drop-down menu questionnaire on her computer which was slightly irritating, but it was when she asked if I was thinking about ending my life that she took me very seriously. My reply was that I wasn't actually making plans (because I wasn't!) but I'd been thinking that it might be better for all the family if I wasn't there any more. I didn't have any intention of carrying it out, but my thoughts were an indication of how severe my depression was at the time. Even if you have fleeting thoughts along these lines, you need to tell your doctor.
Bluebelle - don't put too much pressure on yourself to be doing things. Easy does it. Baby steps are still steps. Once you are feeling a little better, you might want to go to a group, but for now, if it feels too much, don't beat yourself up. They will all still be there for you in a month, a few weeks, months, whenever. For now, try not to think about time passing and wasting the day (easy to say, I know!). Tell yourself that this is your recovery time, your time to re-charge. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. I so recognise the 'stuck in treacle' feeling: I get it often. It might help to have a few VERY small goals for the day, easily achieveable, even if it's just a walk round the block or round the garden to see what's growing, washing up, tidying a drawer. Add to that a few comforting rewards you might enjoy: watching a DVD you want to see, buying some special biscuits to enjoy with your tea, scented candles round your bath...whatever feels right for you.
And keep posting, both Sel and Bluebelle. xxxx

Bluebelle, before I went the doc's I had got to the stage where I had my coat and shoes on ready to go shopping, but would then just sit on the garden chair outside the back door for ages. It was when my son saw me doing this that he practically frog marched me the surgery to get some help.

And I did find help.

BlueBelle; I'm really missing the social side of work and keep putting off doing things now I don't have to get up in the morning. Seems to me you've had too many things thrown at you in a short space of time and your whole life has changed.

Thanks again please don't think I wont go to the doctors I will I just want one try first for myself but I m not pig headed and if it doesn't help I will go I think I have got in a real rut of finding it difficult to move, not sure if any of you recognise this ? I don't mean move by walking I still go out and do shopping, walking, grandkids pick up, I still interact normaly etc but I'm on my own a lot now work has gone (work was also my social life) and in my head I have joined a group, made new friends, doing voluntary work, jumping on the bus and going to a town I haven't visited before, then when the new day arrives I say oh I'll do that tomorrow or the weather isn't good or, or, or. I m stuck in treacle and end up doing nothing then I get to the end of the day and feel awful that I ve wasted the day doing nothing different nothing useful basically nothing

I've never heard that saying before about depression, but it makes sense and its a nice way of looking at it

Again thanks for everyone's input I truly appreciate it x

Hope they help, Sel

Bluebelle, I too kept going throughout the difficult times with my daughter's health problems and when I look back I realise I did cope well (though it didn' t feel like it at the time). Someone said 'Depression is the curse of the strong' - not sure who that was, but they might have a point, especially with you, who've been strong for so many people for so long.
Now it's your turn: glad you are going to try SJW. I would have liked to try that but as I take medication for migraines, SJW interacts with it and would be dangerous (apparently). Ditto some of the more popular SSRI antidepresants. I didn't want to have to take anything, but I'd got to the stage where I was feeling so low, and that life was so pointless and joyless, that I gave in and decided to give them a try. It's not forever - important to realise that - it's just to help you over a rough patch and they take the edge off the depression rather than making you feel high (I wish!).
If you had an organic illness - let's say a bad infection - you'd not think twice about taking the appropriate antibiotic. Ditto high blood pressure, or anything other that can be managed with medication. It makes sense to try and see your depression in the same light. It's not easy to treat, but if you are struggling and other things haven't helped, then it's worth considering, for a while.
Makes sense to take a several-pronged attack, though: ask for counselling referral, think about what you can do in your life to help you face each day with a little more enthusiasm or bring you comfort. Treat yourself as you would a dear and cherished friend.
Lastly, you haven't 'failed miserably' in anything. You're someone who's had a huge burden to deal with, and who's now at a very low ebb. You're human, you're suffering. Be kind to yourself.

I think many would recognise that BlueBelle - being everyone else's shoulder, keeping strong and carrying on but there comes a time I think to try a crutch. I took myself to the docs last night and came away with sleeping pills, tranquillisers and anti depressants. And a sense of shame and embarrassment that I needed them. But I feel relieved that there's chemical help and my doctor was lovely and supportive. Go and talk to your doc and ask. You have nothing to lose.

Reading this thread with so many eloquent posts has been so helpful to me and no doubt many others. Thanks to you all and

Thank you all for your understanding and care (shed a tear there) and its nice to know I m not alone and of course I m not , my eldest daughter is very supportive but she has a difficult life herself so I try my best not to show my low side. I think you are right that its after all is done and dusted that you fall at the first hurdle I didn't have counselling after my extra bad year simply because I spent 10 years counselling survivors and felt I could put my energies into practising what I preached however I think I've failed miserably I've never been a fan of anti depressants feeling they are just a mask, however I m beginning to realise I cant carry on like this so need to do something so for my first move I m going to try St Johns Wort Has anyone tried it? if I get no where with that then you are all correct and it will have to be a doctors visit. It is so alien to me I've had a lot of knocks in life and have always coped and been strong and kept on, in fact I have always been everyone else's shoulders so to feel so unusual and out of control is like being on another planet. I would have NEVER connected myself with depression nor would anyone else as in company I can keep up a great act, but I think you have all recognised what I haven't or haven't wanted to Thank you so much I will keep posting x

BlueBelle, no one 'owns' a thread on any Forum - please don't think youi've posted out of turn at all. It's for all of us to voice our thoughts and no-one's are more important than another's...if you see what I mean!
You've been through so much and it's good that you've talked about it all on here. Please continue to do that. We can all help and support each other.
You have dealt with an enormous amount of grief and shock in a short time and it's no wonder you are finding things so hard emotionally. You probably went into 'automatic pilot' during the crises and thought you were coping OK, but often it's after it's all over that the body and mind decides it can't go on at the same rate, and wants to shut off for a while. It's totally understandable, so don't beat yourself up for feeling negative. Anyone would. You're probably expecting far too much of yourself and end up being harsh with yourself when what you need is plenty of self-compassion and acceptance.
I recognise the mask thing only too well, and how exhausting it is wearing it for other people. I wonder if you've had any kind of bereavement counselling, or support during the illness and death of your parents? Or visited your GP to talk about how you are feeling now? I'd say that should be a priority. It can take a while to get a referral for counselling or therapy, so the sooner you make that appointment, the better. It's also a signal to yourself that you are taking care of YOU.
Keep us all posted. Please keep in contact and let us know how you are. XXX

BlueBelle You have done the right thing by expressing your feelings on this forum. Your experiences have been terribly painful. I can understand why it is you feel that you need to remain cocooned in the privacy of your home. There are several Gransnetters who struggle with depression...I did so for countless years. Thankfully, I now feel that I've hauled myself out of the bottomless pit of despair. Please stay with us and in doing so, you may, in turn, be comforted.

BlueBelle; of course you've done/said nothing wrong. What a torrid time you've had and, when you're doing the Eleanor Rigby thing it's so good that you can offload a bit on here. I do think you should see a Dr, though. Although I don't agree with how antidepressants are handed out so quickly to people, sometimes you do need them for a while. Are you sleeping ok?