Depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy

Nice Post. It is really very important to talk about depression and how to help people in depression.

Granjan What a horrible blow for you and no wonder you feel so low. Are you able to discuss finances with DH and come to an arrangement so you don't depend on 'handouts'? (Do you have a joint account, for instance?)

I second Luckygirls suggestion of joining U3a. There are groups in most towns. It's an umbrella organisation and each branch consists of many different interest groups. Once you've joined up you can look at what's available for you and go along to a few to try them out. Groups vary from discussions, walks, lunch groups, art, local history, scrabble, meditation, listening to music, theatre visits, garden visiting, learning languages, creative writing and hundreds more. You say you aren't good at anything, but actually you've never had time to find out what your niche is, have you? Not until now. It's never too late to learn, to try something new. If you don't like it, you try something else!
I would use this time to find out what YOU want first and foremost. It could be that in time you might want to volunteer for something, but after a lifetime of child rearing and working, maybe a change of focus is a good idea. You would meet new people and have the chance to be inspired and enthused by something you'd never thought you'd enjoy.
Good luck - keep us posted

Believe me you are not alone .I have battled depression and anxiety for years.The feeling you have of everybody having a perfect life are just a symptom of your illness .Life as seen from the outside often seem perfect but that is rarely true.I wish you well and hope that you can be happy.Have you contacted health professionals some times you have to accept that only medicine or therapy can help.Good Luck.

If you have no health problems, then try and enjoy it! believe me it could change at the drop of a hat as it did for me!

So...that is one good thing going for you.

Finding a new job at your age is hard, but there are people on here who have been in the same situation and have just plugged away till they succeeded - sometimes after a long time, but they got there.

You only have one life and it is crazy to waste it feeling aggrieved about your redundancy. If your OH is happy to support you then you are lucky in that respect and could perhaps treat this career break (or maybe career end) as an opportunity rather than a disaster.

Volunteering is a good way of doing something useful whilst making contacts that might be fruitful in your job search.

There are free online courses that you could enjoy - google MOOCS. You could join the U3A and make lots of useful contacts that way.

But whatever you do don't waste this time feeling sorry for yourself. This is your big chance!

Any advice please? Got suddenly made redundant last July age 61. applied for hundreds of jobs but no luck due to disguised ageism. Now seem retired by default and probably will give up search as Jobcentre stopped benefit. It's hard with no money of my own and relying on handouts from DH. Feeling very low and so difficult to get motivated to do anything. I feel rather disinclined to volunteer - I know it would be welcomed but would like some money of my own. No real hobbies as I have always worked except when the children were tiny. Not really good at anything and can't think what to do that doesn't cost much. Friends and husband still working and don't understand. I just feel "stuck" and unhappy although I know I am lucky with no health problems.

Thank you very much, Grannyactivist, for your lovely words which are so true. Also for the hugs - I'm feeling rather anxious and tense today and the hug is very welcome.

Kind words, grannyactivist

I've just read this thread for the first time and it seems to me that it showcases all that's good about Gransnet. There is empathy, warmth, humour and advice; experiences are shared and problems are aired. I'm so pleased to belong to this forum.
and (((hugs))) to all who would like a little lift today.

Iam - yes, managing to meditate each day at the moment, though not long sessions as yet. I wish I could be as disciplined as you are with walking and eating, though. I'm trying hard?
BlueBelle - I catastrophise a lot too! My mind is difficult to still - but the thing is to be aware of that and not beat yourself up for it. That's what the mind does, as they say. You're doing well though. Don't give up - I won't either, but I do get pretty despondent at times and sick of feeling like shite and often unable to really enjoy and appreciate the good things I have in my life, which is all I want to do.
Don't think we're any of us beyond help, though!

You are so right Rowentree I m not in any way thinking I m done and dusted I m still procrastinating and needing to push myself a lot more than I should need to. I m very aware I could go up and down like a blooming yo yo but coming on here realising lots of people feel similar and actually verbalising it has definitely helped and put it into more perspective
I have to work on worrying and catastrophising too Lots to do Thanks for all making me feel included
I have great trouble with meditation 'still thy troubled mind' mine won't ever stop

Hi Rowantree - hope you enjoyed your walk, and it helped life the grey porridgy treacly thing a bit.
are you managing to meditate daily? Self discipline about meditation isn't one of my skills. I am disciplined about walking every day, and generally succeed in not overdoing chocolate, cakes, coffee, wine or other Bad Things. It's building in more time to do Good Things that I realise I'd benefit from.

Well done, Bluebelle! Respect!
Bloody mindedness is ok if you are also compassionate with/to yourself. Sometimes it's not enough - there are those who believe that people with depression or anxiety are just weak and feeble individuals with no backbone. I venture to disagree. I've been trying for decades to extricate myself from the grey porridgey treacly thing and sometimes I manage it, sometimes I go under bigtime. Making plans though is a good thing either way: it gives you a focus. The point really is making steps even if they're baby steps - they are still steps forwards. And don't expect it to be steady: you might have a few steps backwards, but just accept that's how it is NOW and tomorrow might well be better

I was ok, but the thought of a day in tomorrow doesn't appeal and I'm hoping to go out for a walk with DH to get some exercise. Sunday - visiting kitchen studio and lunch with MIL (who is often critical). My mood's a bit low now, but I'm making some soup for dinner and then going to meditate.

Keep us posted, Bluebelle - you're doing fine.
XXX

Up, up, up Blue .

bluebell

Just a little update if anyone's still around I ve been taking St Johns Wort for two weeks now its hard to know how much is down to sheer bloody-mindedness 'I will not go under' or if the herbs are helping but I have just realised that I haven't had an unexpected crying outburst (lately, daily or more) for about a week. I m going to the pictures with a friend tomorrow evening and a pantomime with a work group the week after I have the number of a pottery group ( haven't quite managed to pick the phone up yet) but I m trying.......

I think it was a draw where you just entered your name etc as far as I can recall.

Rowantree - just be happy about it!

I don't remember, BlueBelle now I'm panicking that I have dementia because I have no memory of entering anything....at least, only a vague one! It could be that at the time I was preoccupied with worrying about DD2's latest flare-up with me and how I am going to deal with it....it's making me feel so sad, and a bit angry at the same time....sigh but anyway, I must have entered for it at some stage! scratches head and wanders off, muttering

wow was that a competition on here??? well done Rowentree what did you have to do?

Well done

Only just logged in again and am amazed that I seem to have won £200 Bon Marche vouchers! How did that happen? I'm not sure we have a Bon Marche near us so will have to look that up - but still feeling stunned as I never win anything I enter for! Wow!

Bit off topic but - "Oh wow Rowantree, you won £200 worth of Bon Marche vouchers"! Now your friends can be envious of your good luck! Well done, I hope it makes your day

There was a really good article in yesterdays Observer Review about a man called Scott Stossel who has suffered from anxiety all of his life and he's just writen a book about it called 'My Age of Anxiety'. The trouble is public speaking is one of his triggers and he's now having to go round promoting the book. I can't do a link but if you google it the article is is titled 'A Life Ruled by Anxiety'.

Sel, I hope you are able to enjoy the holiday despite what's in your minds... hope you have a wonderful time.
Bluebelle, it's great that you felt able to talk to your daughter about how you are feeling. That's real progress in really caring for yourself.

I was doing OK, trying to psych myself up for a different approach. Then the inevitable happened: I put my foot squarely into the sh* with DD2, was less than tactful about something and despite apologising (and I hadn't meant any harm at all) she has now said I have upset her and her partner and doesn't want to speak to me.
This kind of scenario does happen sometimes with her and us. It used to be far worse: walking on eggshells was the norm (she has a diagnosis of BPD, as as do I). I tried desperately to avert conflict for years, usually without success. Whatever I or my DH said she would take the 'wrong' way, or see a slight in it, however hard we tried to word what we said and take care over how we said things.
Each time she gets angry with me, I feel terribly upset: angry with myself for messing up again, when I love them both dearly and they know I wouldn't hurt them for the world. I know it's a matter of Time, but I am worried about how long she will keep this up; she can be very unforgiving at times and hold grudges. When this first happened this morning, I couldn't stop myself crying, but then calmed down after talking it through with DD1 on the phone, decided not to let it define the day and went out with DH (nowhere amazing, just good old John Lewis etc) which was enough to distract me.
Now that I'm home again I find myself brooding about what occurred, and feeling very sad and ashamed that I wasn't more tactful. Some of the things she said to me in anger were very hurtful indeed, so it's not easy to brush aside, though I know I must, somehow. I don't know what else I can do though, as my apology and acceptance that it was my fault has been rejected so angrily. I can't make her forgive me, and I guess I need to allow her her anger and ride it out, but it's rather shattered my resolve and I'm back to the quivering heap of jelly I was a week or so ago.

I know there are no answers and none are needed - I just needed to vent a bit here, knowing that I wouldn't be judged. It's no biggie, really; nobody died, it's not earth-shatteringly dreadful, I know all that. I'm just needing to lick my proverbial wounds a bit, that's all.

Thanks for the advice Ariadne they did point it out at the Health shop where I got a jar today I m not on any medication so hopefully they will kick in and do some work to pull me around I have been to the library too and got some self help books out I m also going to try some healthy eating as I m about a stone over comfort weight and none of that helps does it?

Have a wonderful holiday Sel x