Adult Aspergers

falseeconomy.org.uk/blog/theres-still-time-to-persuade-your-mp-to-attend-the-wow-debate-on-thursday
This is about getting your MP to vote for an impact assessment on the effect the cuts are having on the sick and disabled.

Actually this is happening to the physically disabled as well. And the Bishop of Manchester has said that it's got to the point that people believe it is better for 10 innocent people to suffer than for one individual to get away with cheating the system. He was told to stick to religion for saying that.
Panorama tonight should show that the church cannot stay out of politics, as they are the ones running the food banks. Even Defra says that the rise in food banks is because people are hungry.
Unfortunately this man was told that he did not deserve housing benefits or sickness benefits, and he believed what he was told. People with ASD do that. They take things literally.
IDS has a lot to answer for.

It was a scandal that his benefits were stopped, and that he was pronounced fit to work. No understanding at all, if he had been physically disabled this would not have happened, but because he was mentally disabled, nobody understood [ or cared, it seems to me] by officialdom.His family say that they did try and give him money but that he gave it away.he may have thought it was money that he should not have had. It's tragic.

I read about that man too durhamjen and was appalled. It was so sad , felt really sorry for his family too as he hadn't asked for help which is a symptom of the illness.

That's one of the reasons we always stress to my grandson that he must ask an adult for help.
We've just started him on home schooling, and he's told everyone this week that he is at home school, but it's alright because there are lots of children doing it. He's worried that people will think he should be at school.
GPs are now supposed to be responsible for people with ASD. Our GP does not know him at all. Even the school did not have the meetings they should have.
My son and his partner know that they will be responsible for him for much longer than normal, but this man was 44. You try and give them responsibility for themselves. This case sounds like one massive washing of hands.
The man lived in Cameron's constituency.

Oh no, that is just awful. But he did what seemed logical to him. One thing that does strike me about all those I know is their inability to ask for help. It doesn't seem to enter their heads.

Has anyone else read about the man who starved himself to death because his benefits were cut?
He had been diagnosed with Aspergers in his late 20s, and had been sacked from his first job because he was unable to follow orders.
An Atos assessment last year found him fit for work, so his housing and sickness benefits were stopped. His GP wrote to the jobcentre to tell them that he was not well enough to cope with the extra stress.
He had £40 per week to live on, so he stopped buying food. He weighed 5.5 stone when he died.

www.autism.org.uk/pushforaction

about adults getting the help they need for diagosis and jobs.

It would appear that most of my family suffer from some degree of it including myself.

Yes, people with Autism/Aspergers do get very embarrassed quite often.They want to be seen to be doing the normal thing, in fact they get more embarrassed than they should sometimes.However, because they don't really feel sympathy/empathy for others, doesn't mean they can't be told how to react or behave.It can become learned behaviour for them.They are full of anxiety about all sorts of things.Although they need some time on their own, they also need to feel part of the group, as so very many of them are very lonely.

Yes, they can be very sympathetic and empathetic, but not always when you think they will be and maybe not in quite the same way. I think my husband is very good at being objective, then remember why that is so. At times he can seem a bit cold and detached, but he says he is only being practical. I would say he can feel just as strongly, but doesn't show it at all in the same way, not as strongly. This is demonstrated mainly when he is given a present, and the same applies to my son. Neither of them show emotion, they barely smile, yet I know they love what they have been given. My family can't cope with it, they want ecstasy at the very least. Son will look at something with shiny eyes, thank the giver, I know he loves it, and a sister will look at him and ask 'Didn't he like it?'. I practically beg them at Christmas to go over the top with their gratitude - but when the moment comes, it's all forgotten. The only time I have ever seen my husband show real ecstatic joy was when he saw the scan of our son. A close second is England winning the ashes. I sometimes think they find it easier to switch off sympathy and empathy than other people.

Yes, I did read the blog, and it made me laugh, but mine aren't quite as bad! Although when Son was a little boy we had to hide behind a wind breaker for hours rather than go into the sea because we heard him telling a woman behind us that she looked just like Jabba the Hut, and did she know there was a special thing called a diet that she could try? He clearly thought he was doing her a great favour by imparting his wisdom and nagged the poor woman for quite a while, while she patiently and repeatedly told him that it was all down to her metabolism. I still go hot and cold whenever I think of it. But I was incapable of movement to haul him away, and so was DBH so he is obviously capable of being very embarrassed!

It is accepted in Spain, Tricia. My grandson has good support from the Asperger's Association there. It is now usually called (high-end) ASD though.

Janerowena, you ought to read Sue Hepworth's blog for the week over Christmas, it was full of comments made by her asperger's husband. His comments are so deadpan and can be truly jaw dropping if you don't know, then they are just hilarious! His comment about going to make their coffins will stay with me until I am in mine!

For those who have experience: is it possible to be Aspergers and still have some empathy and emotional understanding or is that key to the diagnosis?

My husband took our grandsons to London when they were aged 12 and 14. The older boy who is diagnosed as atypical, but on the autistic spectrum said the best thing about the day was watching the ticket machines on the underground. The younger boy talked about the various different things they'd done, and said the tower was best. When they went for lunch in a self service cafe, our older grandson chose a beef sandwich in white bread. When he opened it, he was horrified to find it had 'green bits' in it. His grandfather said, no problem x, just go and get another one. Of course that's exactly what he did, he got another one and was distressed to find it also had green bits in. Taking things literally is something you have to always be on the alert for.

People with asperger's do need a lot of time on their own. I think it helps other adults if they realise that. As far more men than women are aspergic, it also explains the 'man cave' thing, which completely threw me after having been married previously to a man who, if anything, was too sociable. I would say that the asperger's label helps other adults to understand and perhaps make allowances for the person, but it may not always be in the person's interest to be labelled. Also, the range is huge. I have met a boy at my husband's school who was just like a small robot. Highly intelligent but never smiled and took everything you said completely literally. Nothing like my males. I couldn't marry someone like that, yet they still have their awkwardnesses.

My first inkling was when DBH had just had a bath and two of my sisters were staying with us, shortly after we bought our first house together. He came downstairs in his dressing gown, and said 'Right then, I've had a quick bath, the water's still hot, which of you would like it first?'

He was completely and utterly bewildered by my shoving him backwards into the kitchen and saying 'He's only joking!' between gritted teeth to my astonished sisters. He was saying things like 'But they are family now!'

It's the little things that sideswipe you.

As I started this link for a particular reason let me make it clear that I have a lot of sympathy for youngsters who have problems including those who are diagnosed. My brother struggled with dyslexia in the 60s when it wasn't recognised and his life turned round when my mum tracked down someone who did so I can understand how recognition does make a huge difference to a youngster. What I'm curious about are adults who are now labelled as having Aspergers. I am wondering if Aspergers has become one of those diagnosis that some people hide behind?

My nephew (by marriage) is a prime example. My understanding is that Aspergers folk have trouble relating to people on emotional terms - he's great, particularly in public and in big social functions, but he seems to withdraw a bit at home, likes to be left to do things his way and is a bit prickly at times. His diagnosis is informal but I think it's 'convenient' rather than a true reflection of his problems. He's married into a very capable family and I suspect he doesn't feel he matches up and goes off to sulk. But him aside, I've heard people describe others who don't quite do things in the expected way as 'probably having Aspergers' and I can't help thinking this is such an easy label to hang on people as an excuse. I'm a bit weird but I'd rather not excuse my quirkiness with a psychological label but would prefer people to accept that we are all different...

Janerowena , you could be describing my grandson, and his father. His father was never diagnosed, and recognised himself, and his own father in the things the child psychiatrist identified when diagnosing our grandson.
TriciaF, many people feel as you do. It did help when our grandson was diagnosed at age 8. His teacher had been describing him as an enigma. So intelligent, but so literal and often in trouble at school. Once the diagnosis came back, they stopped insisting he played out, and put him in charge of the library. So, he avoided being bullied and fearful of noise etc in the playground, and was in his element, helping others navigate the library. It also helped his self esteem. He is now 20 and beginning to read independently to understand more about why he is socially isolated. (his words)
His father meanwhile is still looking for work. He has degrees, lots of experience of volunteering. If he had a diagnosis, I suspect that would make his negotiations with the job centre easier.

What is achieved by giving a label? Why can't you just say, he has these characteristics which are rather irritating?
I would go along with EP you saw (I used to be an EP but never charged.)
The condition, or group of characteristics, was only included in the list of psychiatric conditions in the early 90s. Together with ADHD etc. Not all countries accept it, I think only USA and UK.
I'm beginning to think I have "aspergers"

I thought my husband was merely eccentric, but slowly realised after my son's investigations that yes, he too has many aspergic traits. I doubt that anyone who wasn't an expert would realise it, as the symptoms vary so much, but when I have described various scenarios on this board people have recognised him as aspergic without my having mentioned it. I think the only solution to it is to make as many people as possible aware of it without stigmatisation. They are intelligent productive members of society who tend to view life without sentimentality, and get straight to the point. I'm pretty sure that is why my husband has never become a headmaster, he is incapable of sucking up to anyone. Yet he can be charming at parties, like your nephew. Only in very short bursts though.

He, like his father, has a dreadful tendency to expound at great length on a completely irrelevant subject in which no-one else in the room is remotely interested. Maybe your nephew has done that?

Thanks for the comments and links folks! I know of Sue and have read her book (very entertaining and very readable as it's fictional based on their experiences). I've noticed that it's not uncommon for people in their middle age to be diagnosed as being Aspergers (is it a spectrum? I can't remember so apologies if I've got the terms wrong) after appearing to be fine until then. Everyone has a few quirks, me included, but it seems that now our weird bits equate to a psychiatric diagnosis. A point in question is a nephew who is nearly 50, managed to go to university, hold down a good sales job in the pharmaceutical industry, marry and raise a family. He's the life and soul of any party but just recently he unsuccessfully tried to change careers and is now described as having aspergers. The suggestion has been made about several other people who appear to have slightly different behaviours here on the forum too so I'm curious. Does it make a difference to have a label and are there any solutions to asperger behaviour?

Forgot to say, The Ed.Psych refused to state in writing that my son is aspergic because of the damage that can be done by being labelled. The school were quite cross, but as he charged £500 a time no-one was willing to pay out for another assessment. It did make them wonder how many others of their pupils he had not assessed to their liking.

I had to have my son assessed, his school prompted it purely because he was so disorganised. The Ed.Psych said that he was borderline and refused to say that he was aspergic, but that he had the memory of a 11 year old and that would never change. At the time I was quite cross, because of the help he could have had, but when I read about how hard it can be to get work or into University I was relieved. The school just got on with him the best they could, which was for the most part extremely well apart from a few teachers who obviously couldn't be arsed to read his notes properly. I wrote them emails in plain english and it improved matters usually, but I was cross that every time he had a new teacher within the first month he would be getting a detention for prep not being handed in.

If you met him you would just think he was very adult and sensible. He has a strong sense of humour, but is incapable of recognising whether someone likes him or not. He is a little too blunt and tells people if he thinks they are being stupid, he is very scathing of lack of intelligence. Extremely intelligent but has no short-term memory, so comes across as very disorganised. As MiceElf said in the Aspeger's thread, he did all his prep but wasn't aways told to hand it in - so it was sometimes found in odd places a couple of years later. I found some only the other week, in a bag he thought he had lost. He is the original absent-minded professor. I do fear for him, for his future, but currently he loves life and seems to be coping very well. What will happen when he has to remember to pay bills is another matter, but he has set up reminders for paying his Halls rent on his computer and phone, so I have hope.

Found it!

www.gransnet.com/blogs/my-husband-and-aspergers

I might be wrong, but I think someone posted a blog on this recently. If no one else can find it, it might be worth asking HQ.