How much I hate it.

how thing today?

PH We all get good days and bad its pretty normal--trying to find a job, well that is something that gets everyone down, young or old tall or short fat or slim, Its life in all its entirety

Try and prepare yourself for the bad day, a fav comedy, a fav place, a fav dish usually helps, a treat for yourself.

As far as the job goes, why not try and do your own thing, what are you good at, can you turn that into a money making adventure??

Do not waite of silly people to give you a job, Make your own job. My cousin started making cushion covers and selling them online!

I hope you find your Mojo soon

phoenix what mrshat said is so right. I have also decided to take anti-ds for the rest of my life as life is so much better on them. Can I suggest singing in a choir? (If you don't already do so). I have found it to be one of the best things for me. Even when you don't feel like going, by the time you get home you're smiling again and looking forward positively. You are such a strong person who has been through quite a number of difficult times. I always enjoy your posts and your advice is so encouraging and helpful. I hope the sun shines for you tomorrow.

Phoenix Goodness knows you have more reason that most to feel down. I have to constantly 'pull myself back from the brink' too. Life isn't easy. I hope you are feeling much better soon.

I too would like to add my experience to this thread. I have always suffered from anxiety attacks from a small child but for years they were always pretty well under control, until my parents died and then I can remember going into a complete spin particularly in bed at night, this went on for quite some time, but again I managed to overcome it. Next attack was far worse, and caused by a very unpleasant dispute with our (then) neighbours. This went on for four years and during this time I was under medical supervision for severe anxiety/depression. It was just awful. something I wouldn't wish on anyone' (even those neighbours!!) The constant feeling of dread, not being able to eat properly, proper sleep became a distant memory, a truly dreadful place to be. In the end we managed to move away, although that also was very traumatic, and at last I did begin to feel better and have been ok ever since, just occasionally getting the odd twinge (that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach) which I try to overcome by doing a deep breathing exercise as recommended by the yoga classes I went to. It does seem to work in a mild upset, but not for a more severe attack. Phoenix, I DO hope that you feel better soon and that your attack will pass quickly.

Oh Phoenix - I do feel for you. Been there so many times. I take Citalopram and when things get bad I increase the dosage until I feel better. However, I never stop taking it at some level. I've decided life is too short to feel miserable and if it helps, then I'll take it. My GP seems happy with that. It will pass but maybe a change of medication could be the answer. Keep strong and good luck

Keep your chin up PHO!!

phoenix I am sorry you are having a bad time and I do know a little of what you feel having had various treatment and therapies on and off. We are all here for you so don't be alone with this thing. I hope it lifts for you soon

Alie no need to thank me, I find it much easier (and sort of therapeutic) to do things for others than I do to try to sort myself out!

I think it's called displacement activity, or something like that.....I suppose it could also be called a cop out!

phoenix thank you for making the effort to answer me when I was so down (and paranoid) last week. All the answers I got really helped too.

Yes, do go back to the GP.
Talk to friendly people too about whatever. One of the good steps I made was to catch my neighbour across the road and ask her about another neighbour in hospital.........just a friendly talk helped!
And we are out here.

I'm so sorry Phoenix. Depression is the most beastly horrible thing. I speak as long term sufferer myself. But my doctor put me on Citalopram and it's been a great help. However, she is now insisting on taking me off them for a while and already the black dog is within sight.
I do hope you can get some real help from your GP very soon. Sending you a big friendly (((((((hug)))))))).

Many thanks to you all for the support, it really is appreciated. I think you are right, I should go back to my GP. I've got the dreaded dentist today, so once that's sorted I'll make an appointment.

Not much I can add, but look after yourself and the kitties.

You express your feelings so well Phoenix and your words resonate with all those of us who have teetered on the edge of depression or fallen into it. I hope it helps a bit to know that we do understand and empathise.

I used to think the only way to cope when I was very down was to go to the nearest train station and get on a train - any train to anywhere - it didn't matter so long as I left my "black dog" behind. Of course I didn't do it - some sense of duty always held me back. As I have got older I don't seem to have those feelings of wanting to escape any more. Perhaps it's the raging female hormones diminishing? Somehow we get through. My dear old Dad used to say "When the going gets tough take it a day at a time and when that's too much take it an hour at a time". That has helped me many times.

It's hard to break out of the downward spiral and trying to summons the strength to do it can be daunting. So much good luck and supportive thoughts are winging their way to North Devon Phoenix. I wish you very soon.

P.S. What does Sprout have to say about it?

phoenix, Riverwalk beat me to it, you need to see your GP as it sounds to me that you need a change of prescription. Having read your posts I am well aware of your work situation but I am ever hopeful that something will turn up .

phoenix I think at times like this you need professional help - maybe a change of medication - please see your GP.

phoenix - I can't add anything to what the others have said except to send you (((hugs))) and to say that you know we are always here for you!

It will pass

Phoenix I really feel for you. I've suffered depression since being 27 when I lost a baby. On and off, but for long times when it does come. I had a bad bout when my daughter left for uni eight years ago and it has taken me some time to get back to normal. In saying that, you wonderful people on here have helped me out immensely over the last few weeks. I look forward now to chatting to you all.

As for the shower, I know that feeling too. Just getting into day clothes can be a struggle. And phoning or talking to someone can feel like you're moaning on and going over old ground and boring people. You find out who your friends are with depression, I can tell you. I've lost some friends but if they didn't want to help me through, then they weren't true friends. And some family too. So I had to help myself. I painted my toenails, listened to "new" music (other music held too many memories), did window sill gardening (even watching some cress come up can be cheering), bought cake (sod the diet), ordered online some crafting things (canvases, paint, embellishments etc.) and made up some christmas canvases for friends and family, I watched comedy shows (I know this sounds daft when depressed but laughing or even smiling at the jokes can release endorphins into the system to make you feel better. It felt false at first but I kept going, better than watching a weepy movie.)

Write your list, but only aim to cross off a third of it while you are feeling bad and give yourself a pat on the back for this. Put simple things on like get out of bed, make a cup of tea, breath in deeply at the back door, eat something that's good for you, that sort of thing. If you crowd your list with things you would normally do, then you set yourself up for a fail because you are not well enough just yet to take these things on. Delegate for a bit. I don't know your situation but if you can let someone else cook or wash up, do some housework. If you do live alone, find a cleaner to help you out.

My son is going through this at the moment and he is on his summer break from college. I ask him to help around the house and all he wants to do is play on his computer (he does help a bit from time to time but it's a struggle). That may be just being 17 or it may be being depressed so I try to suggest going out but I don't push it because I know what it feels like. He will come out the other side, he is currently seeing a counselor.

It feels like a black tunnel with no light at the end. But there is. And we are all here for you. Please stay in touch. Even if all you do in a day is chat to us you have still achieved something. Take care and be good to yourself. Xxx

phoenix - sending positive thoughts your way.

Much sympathy. I suffer with SAD, so am currently making the most of feeling happy and not taking anything at all, but come October I shall be back on the tablets.

Music from an era that makes me happy is good, digital radio stations that only play that music are a boon. I don't like daytime television but there's no denying that happy cheerful voices can help to lift your mood. Phone a friend or family member. Go for a walk. Cook something nice. Read funny books. Practice singing new songs. All things I resort to, but I realise they might not work for you.

Not shopping though, that doesn't work at all.

phoenix I can understand why your feeling so low. It's been an uphill struggle anyone would feel deflated. Just hold on tight. Your comment about giving yourself a round of applause for getting a shower resonated. I remember feeling that way last December. You do have a way with words. ((((Hug))))

Phoenix

I don't really get depressed myself but I recognise what you're saying because I see the same thing with DH. Anti depressants help him a bit but it just strikes out of no where. To be honest he's been a bit better since he was diagnosed with cancer - I think it's given him something else to occupy him.

Don't start beating yourself up about it. Why not give yourself a round of applause for having a shower? Just getting out of bed can be an achievment. I think depression is like pain, when it strikes you can't remember what life was like without it. Worrying about things you ought to be doing only makes every thing worse. Exercise is a good thing though I notice DH is always more cheerful if he's been fairly active. Just a couple of turns round the garden - no pressure, no little jobs to do while you're out there, just enjoy the moment.

Wish I could wave a magic wand but consider yourself {{hugged}} re horses- helping with Riding for the Disabled?

I'm already on Dosulepin, smallish dose, have been ever since Jack died.

The bloody thing is when it's like this I don't seem able to do sod all, I give my self a bloody round of applause for having a shower.

Every night I make a mental list of things to do the next day, like clean the window frame of the "office", where I'm currently sitting. Tomorrow is always wonderful, today is crap.