Suicide? Selfish ?

I think there's a huge difference between what I can only term 'genuine' suicide attempts (whether successful or not) and those who make 'sham' attempts in order to get their own way.

I have experienced the latter with the in-laws, who made absolutely certain that people knew what they were doing/about to do - to the extent that they didn't carry out their 'attempt' until they knew help was already on the way. It was not done as a cry for help, it was purely to manipulate others in the family and had a devastating effect on the family, especially their children.

No - not selfish. Depression can be a serious and life-threatening illness. Suicide makes people feel angry, because of all that it does to those who are left behind. But it is a measure of how desperate a person must be to override that knowledge and go ahead.

I have been there.
I have taken overdoses when I was first married, but once I had children I would never,ever put them through that heartache.
But everyone is different, one person's hell isn't the same as someone else's.
It's still hell though.

Very ambivalent feelings here too. One of our neighbours committed suicide when she had 2 teenage kids- knowing that they would find her on their return from school. I know she was suffering from manic depression- but I must say few of us could ever understand how any mother could do this. Sorry- but that is the truth.

When I was young and starting out in my career in the NHS, I was disgusted at the hostile attitude of hospital staff towards patients who had attempted suicide, considering them time wasters. Thank goodness we have moved on! The more open discussion on the subject of depression, the more chance there will be of understanding and help for the sufferers.

Some people have gone through unimaginable mental torment- we cant possibly comprehend that and deserve all our compassion.

People who think suicide is selfish do not understand depression.

I think people who think suicide is selfish are the selfish ones. They are thinking more about how a suicide affects them than how a depressed person got to the stage of wanting to kill themselves. Just think about it! Most of us have never been there. Most of us can hardly even imagine it.

I don't think the people are selfish who commit suicide. They are reallly desperate unhappy people and from this point in their lives don't think they have anything to contribute to other people's happiness.
It must be traumatic for the children left to pick up the pieces by a parent who committed suicide, but living with mother or father with acute depression is not good for the children either and they are often neglected and sometimes grow up taking care of these parents and worryng about them on a daily basis.
The parents know this and they may feel that they are setting their children free of the care of looking after them.
Whatever the situation these people should not be judged by others who don't know what they are talking about.

Thanks Grannyknot that puts it in perspective.. I guess there is nothing we can do as onlookers, other than just be there when needed

Sorry hadnt meant to offend, just really struggling to deal with this new knowledge, having had to cope with my mum in the past, and trying to be sensitive to DiL while dealing with DHs feeling of having been abandoned by his mum and seeing his siblings in care ...

on top of being ill for months

I do not think it is selfish or cowardly. As this article says:

"Yep, depression is that powerful".

veronicavalli.com/2014/08/robin-williams-everyday-tragedy/

I can't help feeling uncomfortable about seeing more than one thread on suicide knowing that some gransnetters have been deeply affected.

I have posted on the Robin Williams thread and am not going to repeat it here, but I think it's very unfair to judge anyone who's committed suicide as 'selfish' or 'cowardly' just because they could see no way out of the hell they felt themselves to be in.