Depression

Kiora and Kitty have expressed my thoughts exactly. I can only second their posts and send big fat squashy (((hugs))) and hope things are looking better this morning.

Galen. A huge hug from me. You will pass through this sadness.

Remembering a loved one and feeling weepy is no bad thing. It means that you have a love that is still with you and is worth remembering. Try to think of all the good times you had together and how he would want you to feel now. I'm sure he would want you to remember the good times and live your life to the full.
Don't beat yourself up about feeling weepy, accept it as part of remembering.
Hugs

I'm here with hugs too! I have no personal experience of depression but I can tell from your posts how bad you both feel. Like others have said, look for mishaps advice - always so wise and clear and Galen and your pearls are a vital part of a visit to gn.

Please keep talking to us - you know you are both well loved by us all. mishap can you get any practical help to take some of the burden from you and DH?

Galen I don't think you do get over these things. You learn to live with them, eventually. It's ok to cry now and again. I knowi I'm occasionally overcome by memories of my deceased much love relatives and have a quiet cry. So it must be so very much harder to loose a husband. To be honest I'm filled with admiration for the gransnetters that have lost much loved husbands/partners. The way you all pull yourselves up by your chin straps and carry on living useful ful lives. I bet like you they have times when they feel terrible and cry. I know you'll get up in the morning and brush yourself down. That's how you come across in your posts. Im sending you a (((((hug))) brave lady and hope you feel a little better tommorow. Don't forget to share your birthday with us.

Galen I don't think you ever properly "get over it".

I am too logical to really believe all that "meet again in heaven" scenario, but I find myself thinking that where he is gone there is no such thing as time, and when I have finished with everything in this life, completed everything I have started, and tidied up all the chaos that surrounds me, and depart in peace (I hope), he will greet me without knowing of the years in between. All our years together will still exist, without a time sequence, and the bad times will be pushed out by all the good ones.

What we need is for the good memories to overcome the bad ones now. People tell me that it gradually becomes so, and the last days are not so uppermost. I hope so.

Play some good music. The kind which has been constructed so as to take you into tears and then draw you up out of them

Avoid Mahler.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down Galen. Have a ((hug)). I hope you get some rest tonight and in the morning things will feel better.

Hug from me too Galen. x

I'm sending you a big ((hug)) and a , Galen

I'm so thankful I'm not in your position and I don't suppose you ever get over such a loss but you live with it.

You are coming up to a milestone birthday which is bound to throw up memories. Keep thinking of those lovely memories which are yours to cherish.

From one former boater to another. Don't lose your fenders!

Thanks

[hug]
I am probably not the best one as thankfully, know little about this sort of thing.
And am new round these parts.
But am hugging in case everyone else has gone to bed.

Can I say, I'm having a fit of the miseries myself tonight?
I keep remembering the time my husband died 11 years ago! I should be over it, but every now and again I remember that morning and I just dissolve into tears.
I'm 70 in a few weeks time and I'm wondering if I even want to get to my birthday?
I'm sure I'll get over it, but just at the moment I feel very low.
Can someone give me a {{hug}}.

Chopin's nocturnes have soothed me at difficult times.

Hope it helps, Mishap.

In have downloaded Ruby Wax's book onto my kindle and I will look forward to reading it.

Mozart - always lifts my spirits

Grand march from Aida!

Yes, I would avoid Mahler!

On another thread I have been singing the praises of Chris Barber - the strict tempo and warm clarinet solos do it for me - I think the tempo is close to a heartbeat and are like a mother's heartbeat to a baby.

Thank you for that suggestion Elegran - music has been my life, so that comfort is always there in the background. I have to be careful what I play though as I have a great liking for such as Mahler, which tends to be a bit gloomy!

Jane - I will look up Ruby Wax and see what she has to say.

Mishap Can I recommend the power of music to lift the spirits? I don't suffer from real depression, such as you are in the grip of, but since my dear husband died I have often felt pretty down. Playing a CD of music that I love can make a difference. It works directly on the brain and emotions without any conscious effort. Worth a try.

I don't think I did Mishap, until a couple of years ago when a dear friend was hospitalised with severe depression for several weeks.
I also saw Ruby Wax doing her show 'Losing It' at the Edinburgh Fringe last year. It was very moving. She has done a great deal to increase understanding of the condition amongst those whom she terms 'non-depressives'.

Thank you so much. It is very striking that there is no-one on here who is a member of the "pull yourself together" brigade and it is very heartening that people now understand the nature of mental illness so much better.

One disappointment to me in the last few weeks has been a close friend who thinks I just need "cheering up." She was once a GP, but I feel that she may not fully understand the nature of this illness - but to be fair, maybe I did not fully grasp all the ramifications of it until it struck me.

You really are bad, aren't you Mishap?

I can't help thinking it is a reaction to the operation, and all that went before it. You had a fall early in the summer didn't you, and you haven't been right since then. You have had a lot to contend with for a long time now. It may take a long time to get over it all, too. But you will. You hang on there. [cake]

I hope the psychiatrist is able to prescribe something suitable for you, Mishap. I get the impression GPs are restricted in what they can prescribe.
Hang on in there, you will get better

Thank you so much for your kind messages and very helpful suggestions.

Yesterday was truly dreadful - I cannot think that I have ever felt worse in my life and it was a very frightening experience indeed to feel so out of control of my own well-being. I was in tears all day and barely able to shuffle around.

This morning was not good, but I managed to have a shower (which wiped me out) and my DD and GS have been here for a short while. I am extraordinarily weak, but not non-stop weepy. I think the weakness is probably a backlash from yesterday.

I emailed my GP yesterday to try and get across to him the severity of this problem. His concern is, quite reasonably, to avoid precipitating a further arrhythmia, but I think he underestimates how bad the depression is, and I tried to get this across to him. He plans to talk to the psychiatrist who visits the surgery each Friday, and has promised to get back to me with any suggestions he has as to a safe treatment for me.

Your kindness and support have been much appreciated. This is a bad patch in my life and I have to hang on to the idea that this will go away in time, but it is quite hard to believe it at times.

I am very lucky to have such supportive family and friends - and kind gransnetters.

Mishap - I had a severe bout of depression a few years ago so I can empathise with what you are experiencing. I hesitate to give advice but I would like to make a couple of suggestions.
I was fortunate to have a couple of very good friends who I could talk to but who understood that there were times when I simply could not communicate with them at all. I remember asking them 'not to give up on me' and they didn't. I had a very supportive family but sometimes it is easier to unburden your feelings onto friends.
A good GP should offer counselling. Mine never did but I know a couple of people who found CBT very helpful. It can be arranged privately if you were in a position to do so.
Finally there is a website you might find helpful - www.nomorepanic.co.uk which has an excellent article on depression. May I wish you well.