Daughter's illness

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Glad she is responding to the treatment.

Yes, that does sound very difficult for you all round. I hope all goes well for you both.

That she is responding to treatment is such good news - I hope that she continues to make a good recovery and that you will see her looking better when you visit. Good luck.

Daisy I'm sorry that your daughter is so unwell.

Have you spoken to her?

From what you say, you are getting everything third-hand, from your SIL via your ex.

You say she is seriously ill, as opposed to chronically, so if I were you I would get to her bedside ASAP if only just to see her, you're her mother!

Don't worry about being a burden to the SIL - it might be a relief to him that you can share the visiting.

Obviously, money no object we'd all be here there and everywhere at the drop of a hat if our children are having a bad time but that's not always possible. However, your daughter is seriously ill in hospital and you are on holiday in Canada, I really can't understand why you're dithering.

Oh, do give Daisy a break, Riverwalk!

Daisy, you said in the op :
I am getting regular emails from my ex (her father) in England. Her husband is visiting her regularly and passing information to my ex, who acts as a hub.
I guess that could mean there has been difficulty between you and your daughter, hence the dithering and your statement that you think your daughter would prefer you to wait till the end of the month.
If you believe that your daughter would not be pleased to see you, maybe you could at least travel to the area where she is, so that you could easily visit her if the situation gets worse?
(Sorry if I have got things completely wrong.)

Sorry, Riverwalk, that was unfair of me.

However, I do feel that Daisy's probably struggling enough with feelings of guilt without everyone adding to them and ordering her about.

My initial post was from the heart, but there is clearly more to the situation than we are aware of and I can only wish the OP well and hope that a good recovery for her daughter will be forthcoming soon.

Ditto

Daisy, I hope that you continue to have news of improvements in your daughter's condition. It's a terribly long journey for your SiL between Maine and Massachusetts - so stressful. On the positive side, I was pleased for you, in view of the problems you've told us about before, that you were managing to have a holiday with friends in Vancouver. It's just so sad that you have been pitched into this quandary at a time when you were able to enjoy a break.

Thank you all for your posts. It's nearly two weeks later since I first posted, and I'd like to give you an update. My daughter is now out of intensive care and in her own room. She's having occasional dialysis and has had a liver biopsy. I'm planning to spend about a week in a hotel near the hospital soon.

When I first posted, I'd just arrived from England, to stay with friends who'd paid all my air fares, here and return, and hotels on the journey. I felt extremely stressed and far from home and extremely worried. If my son-in-law had said 'Come' I would have gone at once.

I have little or no money of my own; my first post in this forum described how I've been the victim of a con artist who took all my earnings, all my savings. I'm getting over this with the help of friends such as the ones here.

If I'd thought there was no question about the rightness of going, I would have gone and paid for it somehow. It was the doubts that made everything so difficult.

I posted then because I was desperate to tell someone of my quandary. I knew really that no one, in the circumstances, could give me advice.

You each of you said what you thought I should do, or what you would have done in the circumstances. I do understand that.

Thank God, she's beginning on the road to recovery, and I'll see her soon. She sent me the first email yesterday - just one smiley emoticon, but an email!

I hope those of you who thought I was being heartless, or at best hopelessly dithery, will not think too badly of me.

Thanks again. I'd like to send everyone on Gransnet warm wishes for the coming Christmas season.

Thanks for the update. Glad your daughter has improved. Obviously most of us do not know your full story and posted our replies on the little information we had. It is good to know that you understand this. Best wishes to you.

Good news that your DD is better even though not home and dry, you can at least relax just a bit now. It must be awful for you to be so impotent and not be able to get to see her. Thank you for the update and putting us in the picture.

Good news, Daisy - I am so pleased for you.

It doesn't matter one little bit what some other posters may think or assume about you - you told us what you needed to and I hope that most of the responses were helpful.

I'm glad your daughter is recovering. Opinions are just that opnions. We didn't know all the facts and of course I'm sorry if I jumped to conclusions and added to your dilemma. I think it often helps to either right stuff down or tell someone. We often do it, not really wanting the advice, but because it's cathartic to just to get our worrys 'out' isn't there an old saying 'a worry shared is a worry halved' probably true.

Daisy. I'm pleased that the news is better and that you will be able to see your daughter soon. You are fortunate to have good friends who have given you this lovely break. It sounds as if your daughter is getting the best of care and, although not quite out of the woods yet, being able to send an email is progress. I hope that Christmas will bring more relief to her and to you.

Daisy I don't think anyone could possibly have thought you heartless! Perhaps just needing a nudge in the direction that you wanted to go yourself, but were unsure about.
I'm so glad that your daughter is recovering and that you'll be with her soon.
And that you are blessed with your wonderful friends.

So glad that there are improvements in your DD's heath.

No-one thinks you are heartless!

I thought you were dithering because of the concert, now I know differently of course I don't think you were being dithery.

I'm glad your daughter is improving and that you are able to be there for her, I am sure she is so pleased to have you there. Your SIL is probably glad too, to have someone to take the pressure off visiting as he has a long return journey.

Thanks for giving us an update, Daisy. It's not surprising you were feeling overwhelmed and it's good to know that things are improving for your daughter and yourself.

An update: my dd was sent back to a hospital nearer her home on Monday of last week, for rehabilitation, I was told. However, last Friday she relapsed and is now back in in intensive care. I flew here yesterday from the west coast and am with her. It's nearly 1 am; I was spending the night in her room, and have just been asked to leave because a doctor is putting another line in for another medication. There is a possibility now that they can't do anything more for her. She is extremely weak and on oxygen. It is beyond words distressing for me to see her like this. In spite of how she is, she's asking me if I'm ok, saying thank you to all the nursing staff. She can just about hold a pencil and write if I simply can't understand what she's saying through the oxygen mask. I'm sitting in a corridor outside the IC unit writing this. I was due to fly home next week but now I don't know what I shall do. It's just helping me to write it all down. I try to be upbeat when I'm with her because in her spirit she is fighting so hard to be better.

Daisy what a heartbreaking situation for you, but I'm glad you are with your daughter now. You will be in my thoughts and I'm sure the thoughts of many others on here.
seem very inadequate but I send these as a token, and hope for better news.

Heartfelt sympathy for you daisy we can only be with you in spirit in your really sad situation. Prayers for you all I hope you keep in touch with us

Oh Daisy....there's so little that can be said to give you comfort. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but you are able to be with her and that will be such a comfort for her. Thinking about you both just now. xx

Daisy I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are feeling. But just glad you are with her.