chemo

Your poor mother is 83 and obviously worried about you. Cut her some slack for goodness sake

Oh dear I hate to moan but I must ask all your advice, I may be wrong but my mother (83) has been telling her friends that I have cancer.
I have asked her not to tell anyone but she asks 'how can I not tell them'.
She let it slip when I saw her tonight, I went for tea as usual on a Saturday and she had been ringing my phone and mobile as she has been doing for the last few days since I started chemo, I live 2 doors away and I was engaged on the landline so she kept ringing the mobile as I was not answering. I am angry with her for ringing several times a day, asking if she can do anything or what I am feeling like. I have told her that Im ok, not in the best of moods with some horrid side effects but bearable. I went out in the car to the shops and she said I should not be ok to drive, she seems to want me to be a little girl again.
To top it all off she has said my bin is too full and I should empty it and bring the rubbish to put in her bin. I don't want to carry rubbish to her bin as I could get an infection. she has been making sarky remarks about my washing my hands so much saying she never washes her hands that much, \I cant get her to understand about having a reduced immune system. What can I do Is it me being to harsh or so I deserve some privacy. I want a normal life not being controlled by my mother I am 60 not 6 years old. I am so angry.

I think most cancers have good support groups on facebook. No need to meet anyone but you will find people having exactly the same experiences as you who will be happy to offer help and moral support.

You are striding forward - well done indeed!

I'm glad you have contacted Macmillan, Ethel. They will be very supportive and sensitive to the way you feel. I hope you will have a good outcome to your treatment.

btw I rang macmillan today, I need not have worried the call handler is based in London and their adviser will ring me soon, it seems no one will call, all advice done on the phone,all very impersonal so its ok. As long as they advise me I can sort things out myself. Another hurdle over.

Good for you etheltbags I think you've coped extremely well considering how scared you were!

Well done, and allow yourself some tlc. Your DGD will cheer you up, they are so lovely at that age and unaware of what is happening.
Your friend should not do that, ask her not to fill you with negative thoughts.

I looked at things online and someone suggested a support group but I am a bit head-in-the-sand and the thought of a support group with everyone sitting round earnestly discussing their symptoms filled me with horror! Other people may find it really helpful, though.

Hope you have a lovely day with your DGC, but don't overdo it and wear yourself out!

That's great ethel I hope it all goes well for you!

ethel. Just keep telling yourself your on the road to recovery.

Another pat on the back for you.

Definitely, you were very brave for even turning up!

Well - you did it! Pats on the back I think!

Well done Ethel. DH also had tingling hands after treatment which did lessen with time. It's worse in the cold as you've found, so he took gloves with him to wear as he left the hospital. Hope all goes well with you.

Well done you take it as it comes big pat on the back.

You might want to ask your careworker friend to just say cheerful things for a bit.

Other than that. Lovely ethel. Glad things worked out well for you today.

Well done, ethel!

Don't overdo things, you're bound to feel strange, but next time will be a doddle, I'm sure.

Good luck etheltbags and well done for laying that particular ghost! You have cleared the hurdle of your first experience of chemo and I sincerely hope that it continues to go well.
The power of DGC to cheer you up cannot be overstated-have a lovely time with her!

Update if anyone still wants to talk to me, I have been through, being brave, being a coward and all sorts all due to not knowing what was going to happen. Advice to anyone in my situation, don't go online for advice (apart from gnet and be prepared for some tough answers). I scared myself silly with advice from online sources. My friend is an experienced careworker and she scared me with tales of horror.
I started IV chemo today and was trembling in terror but I met a lovely lady who has been on it for 7 years on and off, poor soul and she was so cheerful. I could not believe it she said she could sink or swim and which ever way she was going to go feeling cheerful. Im not that brave.
However Im home, just taken oral chemo as theyre giving me a double whammy. My main side effect is tingling in my hands if I touch anything cold, Ive dropped several plates and cutlery. I had my mother to make me a meal and see to animals etc so Im just feeling a bit tired and a bit strange but with about 30 different drugs inside me I expect that.
Am seeing my DGD tomorrow and I know it will cheer me up.

I do so agree with the last two posts. It is often so much easier to talk to a complete stranger than with family and friends. Family often worry as of course they will, so you tend to tone down any concerns and put on a bright face when if fact you feel anything but bright! Macmillan nurses are fantastic, as are other people professional or otherwise, and are all out there to help, advise and, yes, sympathise when appropriate. So, ethel, if you are still reading this thread, please don't just dismiss all offers of help as just insincerity by people who just want to pry and gawp, without giving their support a try. I think you could be very surprised in a positive way!

Yes - honestly do try Macmillan Ethel. My son is recovering from Bowel Cancer and he is a very private person but he found the nurses very helpful. My cousin also had bowel cancer in her 60s and has been free of it for 14 years. MacMillan nurses helped her a lot - that's their job.

I will just say that since DH was diagnosed with cancer nearly all his work colleagues have melted away. One man whom he barely knew started visiting and has been a complete rock and they have become very close. I was approached by a not very near neighbour whose husband has cancer and we have long and therapeutic talks if we meet in the street, but there is no visiting and definitely no gawping. A couple of DD's friends have offered me help if I need it but so far I haven't.

I think that accepting help or companionship from a stranger, whether it's Macmillan or some other charity could be a good thing. It can be much easier to share worries with a stranger sometimes.

I worked for various Care companies in the Community for over twenty years, and during that time I inevitably came across people either suffering with cancer or caring for a loved one with cancer There was never ever any time that any of us who were specifically trained for non medical help in this particular field would have even remotely contemplated treating anybody in the way you seem to think ethel, and I do feel quite sad that you seem to have such negative pre conceived idea of the help and, yes, sympathy, concern, and GENUINE reasons for offering what support is available, from help with domestic chores to shopping, to just chatting. Yes I have been on the receiving end of Cancer. My Stepfather was diagnosed after recently being widowed, and as an only child, what a dreadful year that was, but it was that experience that made me realize that there must be so many people in the same position as me who, like me could have really done with someone just to talk to, help change a bed, anything!!! that I became a carer. My own OH developed Prostate Cancer four years ago which was very scary, but with wonderful care, advice and my own training(!!) we got through and he is doing fine. Please ethel don't face this on your own, there are a lot of kind, genuine people who want to help. Of course at the end of the day it is your choice.

The truth is probably that ethel is managing perfectly well on her own at the moment and does not feel she needs need anyone to accompany her to appopintments (though I would say that if she is alone she needs to get a written copy of the answers to her questions to refer to later) or to help her with her shopping and so on. That is fine, no-one will force help onto her when she doesn't need it.

But she MAY find that her treatment makes her feel tired - so a companion couild be a good thing then. She MAY find that she has forgotten some detail that she was told - that is where a second pair of ears can register the information and repeat it to her. She MAY feel that carrying home a load of shopping is too much, or that it would be great to have someone hang out the washing or make her a cup of tea.

The professionals know that it is possible that these things may happen, so they have assured her that help is available. Note - AVAILABLE not compulsory, and if anyone involved were suspected of being there to poke about her home, or to gawp at her, they would not be in the job much longer.

ethel You said you helped a friend when she was very ill and that she was very grateful, Then you go on to say you realise now she probably didn't mean it. Why? Why do you assume she didn't really want your help? You weren't gawping when you visited your friend. Why should you think differently about other people? I just don't understand it.