chemo

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethel It is not the cancer that you should stop mentioning, it is the way everything appears to you to have been specially arranged by horrible people to inconvenience you and pry into your life, even those arrangements which are available as ways to make your path easier.

A pleasant post ROSE.

ethel once again,it will not bother you for the rest of your life even though that is how you feel now, I, along with many others on here have been where you are now and know how it takes over your life. But now 15 years later I can truly say I don't think about it for months. I am too busy getting on with my life,and yes, if someone had said that to me at the time I would have been bitter and cynical,saying, yes it's ok for you now, but it is is true and you WILL realise that in time.

thank you rose.
I think back to a late relative, whom I saw now and again and when she said her cancer had spread all over I felt that I should go and see her more often. We had no been particularly close but I went and asked if I could help her, go shopping etc and she was very grateful, I wanted to be friends in case the worst happened. I realise now that she probably did not want me but was being too polite to say. At least we were friends when she passed away. That is my reasoning behind my saying that I don't want people to gawp. I don't want those who Ive not been particularly close to to visit or make contact so Im keeping it secret where I can. Its not being nasty as many think.
Anyway thank you all once again for your comments of all sorts. I think maybe I should not mention the C word again. As someone said many on here have had cancer before but what I don't understand is that its such a serious subject that how can anyone not be worrying/talking/thinking about it every minute. I do and it will bother me for the rest of my life.
However that's the last I am saying.

I do understand ethel a bit - genuine friends will want to help if you let them, and the Macmillan nurses and other medical staff too.
However, there are always those that you don't know so well, perhaps work colleagues or neighbours, who will look at you with the ultra 'sympathetic' synthetic smile, head on one side and say 'And how 'are' you' in a sickly sweet voice.
Drives me mad, I just want to get on with life and not discuss medical issues all the time. And no, I don't keep people at bay, my true friends understand that.

Chin up, ethel, you are frightened and that is understandable. But in the main people want to help so don't put up too high a barrier against the world.

I was about to post something on the same lines as the last three. I think you are confusing feeling sorry for someone and being sympathetic towards them. Nearly everyone has experienced cancer either themselves or someone they care for and so identify with you and try to help. Until you are ready to accept help there is little we can say.

That's it, my patience and sympathy are gone.
ethelbags you cannot write on threads that you need support, advice and empathy then either kick it back when so many have been rooting for you!
As Elegran says you don't want the help, so no more will be forthcoming from me.

ethel read some of these extensive, sensitive and helpful posts and realise that you are not the only one with health concerns.

It is only your family and friends who will phone to see how you are, ethel You have spent years keeping everyone else at bay, so I don't think they are now likely to rush over in droves.

Gawp? Do YOU gawp at people just because you have heard they have cancer? If you don't, why do you think anyone else would? Are you such a fascinating creature that you think your health is an object of interest to all?

One in three of us will have cancer at some point in our lives, so it is not unusual enough to attract any special attention. I would guess that about half of those who post on Gransnet are either in remission from cancer themselves or have a partner who is.

I have been in remission for nine years and am not ashamed to say so - why would I be? Many people have been in remission for twenty, thirty years. Remission means that NO-ONE can ever say with 100% certainty that it will never come back - not that they can say that it WILL come back to bite you.

The more people who say publicly that, yes, they have, or they did have, cancer but they are now fit and well and expect to be fit and well for the next ten, twenty, thirty years, the fewer people there will be who go into a panic attack and bury their heads in the sand at the mention of the word - as you did, ethel before you received all the support and attention and advice from the posters on this forum.

I have posted a few times on threads by you - usually with long gaps between my posts as I find I get rather frustrated by your ingrained negative attitudes to everyone and everything.

After this, I think I shall just keep well out of it. You have said repeatedly on your many grumbling threads that you don't want anyone's help, so I will not burden you with mine.

Who are all these people you imagine are going to phone you and/or visit you to gawp? Why would they?

If you are such a private person I wouldn't have thought anyone other than close family/friends would be interested, to be honest.

I just don't want anyone to find out apart from close family/friends because I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't want the get well cards or the phone calls to see how I am, or worse the visits to gawp. I just want the people who already care to visit me or ring. It seems that when people find out you are ill they will want to do the above, even if they have not visited for a long time. Does no one understand that.

Or shuffling?

Sorry to be flippant, but I agree with Elegran - you can of course go it alone ethel, that's your choice. But agonising about it and worring about people 'finding out' isn't helping you.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

If you won't accept help, then you will have to go it alone - without complaining, because it is your own choice. You will probably be OK - the companion is suggested "just on case" you find that chemo makes you tired. you may well take it in your stride.

But when there are people who will give you a lift to the hospital and take you home again, without you begging, you are just being stubborn if you won't even consider them.

What is so wonderful about being too proud to admit that you are not superwoman? If you broke both legs, would you insist on walking into A&E?

elegran, I said I have no one to go with me, I hate begging.

I laughed at your expression 'use your noddle' though. lol haven't hear that one since I was a little girl.

You say you do complementary therapies and you live in Northumberland.
There is a charity called Lifespan which helps people who have been diagnosed with cancer. Look at their website to see if they can help you.

Then you are stuck with being alone, ethel if you won't allow anyone to be with you. You can't have it both ways. Don't you think you could put up with someone for once in a while when it would be to your advantage to have someone with you?

If you can't stand anyone being there, then get the consultant to write short notes of what he has told you, so that you can refer back to it.

Why not write out all your questions, with a space below each for the answers, and hand it to him, asking him to note down the answers for you?

You will need to use your noddle.

And as for not telling anyone - you can't complain of getting no help or consideration if you place yourself above asking for it.

Aren't you getting ahead of yourself a bit, ethel? Have you been told about your treatment sessions yet, have you got dates etc.?

deedaa the problem is that Ive got no-one to go with me, My DD is at work and if shes off, there is no-one to leave the baby with, that's my job. My friend might go with me but the last time she didn't turn up. my mother would come but she really doesn't understand about cancer plus she doesn't drive anymore and I would still need someone to take me home on some occasions. another friend works 60 hours a week and I cant ask her and I don't want to ask one of those befriending charities as I would hate to be with a stranger. I also don't like to think my confidentiality is compromised as Im keeping it secret from most people and everyone who knows is likely to let it slip.

I really think the NHS expects everyone to be sitting at home with big families and friends who can be available at any time to run to hospitals and back. Many people live alone and are independent so they should not expect us to have ready made escorts.

I have a friend who says she will come to the chemo with me but she grumbles every time and is not keen so I will not ask her again.

I would not change my situation, I like living alone and could not bear a partner just to look after me because I would not want to look after a partner in return.

I do think a list is important, but can't agree that you should have someone with you, unless you want it. I'm actually better on my own in such situations (and yes, I have been through it too) but some like to have the support of a relative or friend.

I forgot to say ethel do make a list of all your questions and anything else you think is relevant before you see your consultant again. If you don't you'll probably forget the ones you really wanted answers to. I know you say you're a private person but you really should have someone with you when you see him. You probably won't take in more than half of what you're told and another pair of ears is really helpful to fill in the gaps.

Ethel you say that you taught relaxation techniques, in your profile you mention complementary therapies and in another thread you said that you were a reiki practitioner. Is it not time for you to put some of that expertise into practice?

Can't dance - but can manage a bit of gentle swaying - will that do?!

Have you rung your MacMillan nurse yet? If not, do it now. She can advise and pull strings and open doors you never knew were there.

Do please listen to us all, ethel! Elegran has summed it up well, as has Mishap and we all need you to take note, for your own sake.

Just thought I would let you know that I had chemo - 6 intravenous doses at 3 week intervals. I continued to work and had a couple of days off after each treatment. I felt a little nauseas and tired but no worse than that, the tiredness being because I got a little anaemic. This is temporary and reverts to normal when the treatment is finished. Have you had tre flu vaccination? If not it would probably be recommended.

Apart from that I can only endorse what others have said about getting the information you need from the experts who are there to help you and that includes your GP. And do whatever helps - if that includes dancing round the garden naked go for it!