Good friends who won't diet

Me too, Aggie. I have to freeze it all now, and just defrost it as and when. But oh the smell when it comes out...

I don't drink alcohol at all , but I think carbs are my vice , I bake my own bread

A few years ago I worked with a young girl, she was about 18, who was very overweight. She used to say 'I eat because I'm miserable, and I'm miserable because I eat.' Sort of makes sense.

It is very easy to put on weight, 'nightowl' but far harder to take it off again - and harder still to stay there if you do succeed in losing it!
I put on quite a lot of weight with medication I was on, lost most of it but not all, and it is creeping back on. Why? I think the cold weather makes most of us crave higher calorie food with more carbohydrates.

I think if someone tried to tell me that I ought to lose weight for the good of my health I would dig my heels in and ignore them. You have to want to do it for yourself and your own wellbeing.

Was durhamjen's point about the calories in alcohol or about the fact that we all have things that we find difficult to give up! Food for some, alcohol for others? That was how I read it but I realise I may have been on completely the wrong track.

I know that I eat too much of the wrong things, and I know that I would be a lot healthier if I lost two stones, but I don't find it at all easy to do it. It's easy to look at others and wonder why they don't do things that would obviously be of benefit to their health, but I don't think it's that simple. And I don't think trying to persuade others - friends or relatives - makes the slightest difference.

I thought the large red wine glasses were not supposed to be filled right up - they were supposed to contain about a third to allow the wine to 'breathe'. If you give it time, of course!

Belated apologies to you janea for attributing the thread to you!

I typed out a post yesterday but could not post it as the little 'wheel' just kept winding very slowly and I couldn't get on to GN (was it just my PC?)

Now I can't remember what I said so it can't have been that important.
I will now read all your much more interesting posts

Oh I see! I was ignorant, I thought I wasn't overeating. I was sticking to 2000 calories a day and didn't realise that not only was it too much for me, it was calories in the wrong sort of food. The sort of things that leave you still feeling hungry. It takes a very long time to stop missing biscuits with your afternoon tea and swap them willingly for a handful of grapes or an apple.

I was really talking about choosing to overeat.

What you describe I would put under the heading of not understanding everything there is to know about the best ways to lose weight or keep weight off. Which applies to a lot of people.
Which I dont consider as being the same thing.

soontobe I was over 50 before I fully understood how too many carbs unused can make sugar, how two vegetarian objects together can make protein, it's all so very complicated. People use calories as a guide because it's easy. I complain about the size of my friends' wine glasses because wine (although I do love it) is empty calories, although the antioxidants thing is good news. It's sugar. If you don't exercise it off, it will stick to you like fat and be bad for your teeth as well!

Yes, I know all about those huge glasses in restaurants making your wine quantity look as if you have already gulped down half a pint in the 5 minutes since you arrived! In Paris you are given a small paris goblet and it's filled to only about half an inch below the rim. If that. So that you won't look greedy.

Someone once bought us pint wine glasses when DBH made his own wine. I had to explain that we drank it in liqueur glasses because it was so strong!

granjura that must have been tough, and my own mother doesn't seem to eat enough but my step-father assures me that she does, all I can do now I think is hope that the warmer weather will bring more of a desire to have another look at their diet sheets. When I mentioned that possibility more in hope than expectation, some weeks ago, she said something along the lines of oh good, I can start making icecream again. I suggested sorbet. She said she might as well buy a pack of ice lollies.

Hindsight is wonderful as a tool - for beating yourself up with, IMO.
We all wish, think, are sometimes desperate to make sense of things that have happened yet in this case the individuals involved are decisively acting in a way some of us would consider to be leading to ill health etc.
It's difficult to stand by and do or say nothing but they have to make a decision to change of their own volition.
Very tough for everyone involved.

Advising anyone above the age of about 50 on overeating is a bit of a pointless task if you ask me.

I know Ana- the point I was making, is that I know few people who have a small glass;)

Thinking about the OP some more. What about the aspect of 'guilt', as a good fried or relative. If you have a friend or relative whose behaviour, be it over drinking or eating (or under/poorly), or drink-driving, taking v. dangerous risks, smoking heavily, etc, etc- whatever- and you don't make any attempt at discussing this with them- when and if disaster strucks, be it via accident or illness, etc- then will you not forever be thinking 'if only I had talked to them about it- told them how their behaviour worried me- because I love them, because their family who love them asked me to try and intercede?

Thinking again about my dad, didn't smoke, ate like a sparrow, did tons of exercise, didn't drink- but continually took stupid risks clombing on rocks, going for massive walks or xcountry ski hikes in the woods, without a phone or telling anyone where he went, carrying huge pans of boiling water across the kitchen to save tuppence, climb on the roof to clear snow, driving too fast and erratically at 90+- etc- had something happened related to the above, and had I, we as a family, and with the suppport of friends and neighbours, not had done our best to try and curb these excesses- wouldn't we have felt dreadful that we didn't at least try? Clearly our own experiences influence the way we react in other cases. If you've suffered from seeing your parents being alcoholics- you will be extra sensitive to seeing others with the same problem. For me, it was the constant un-necessary risk taking with dad. For others it will be food- if their parents died of diabetes or other food related illnesses, etc, etc.

As it happened, my dad died aged 96 due to severe diahrroea (sp???) after being given unsuitable antibiotics as a precaution (!) in the OAP home where he was from age 95, as a few in-mates had the flu (he didn't!). He was so thin, just skin and bones, and had no reserves at all- he was gone is 2 days- heart attack as he sat on the toilet, and all alone, poor man.

But if you have tried, and tried your best, even at the risk of losing that friendship... then you'll just have to let it go. If you can't bear to watch, you will have to put some distance between you and them.

I have to admit I never thought about the calories in a glass of wine until recently. I was surprised to find there are more calories in an ounce of almonds than an ounce of chocolate. I think all this calorie counting is off putting.

granjura, 125ml is the standard amount in a 'small' glass of wine in the UK. A 'large' glass can contain 175 ml or 250 ml.

1.25 (re-checked your post) even smaller. Just tested it- with a normal medium size wine glass- it is about 1/3. A full glass to the top is 3dl. But many of our UK friends have much larger glasses that contain a lot more, even if filled to half mark. And yet they still say- oh it's ok, I've only had 1 or 2 glasses (= almost a whole bottle at 7.5dl).

Ana 1.5dl is a tiny glass- most people drink a lot more than that ;)

We don't drink unless with are with friends or out- but we do have a few squares of 70% Lindt with sea salt instead;)

What is a glass of wine though? Here where I live, a normal glass is 2 decilitre- and is very small compared to the ones served in the UK. A large glass in a pub is over a 1/3 of a bottle - the 'I've only had one glass' is a bit loose. But a good point made- some of our friends are very careful with the amount of calories they eat- but not the ones they drink!

It sounds like thier love of "good" food outweighs their dislike of their health problems.

I do sometimes think that health problems to some people, are not as worrying and troublesome as they are to others.

I think we all know how many calories are in a glass of wine.

I think Durham's point Riverwalk is a large glass of wine contains the same amount of calories as say a cornetto ice cream.

It's also portions, I love smoothies and used to put in four dates and a large handful of almonds plus a banana, berries and seeds and one cup of water. I wondered why I was getting a roll of fat on my stomach, I was eating the same through the day and only having a smoothie for breakfast. I loved those smoothies but have gotten used to less fruit and nuts and cut out the dates.

I wish in restaurants, if I order a small glass of wine they wouldn't put it in a large glass and make my drink look minuscule.

I'm enjoying my second glass of wine right now - and your point is Durham?

I am now feeling sorry for Aggie, but you know, there is probably someone out there really wishing you would look after yourself better.

I'm glad you've now realised that it was the number of calories that the waiting-room tv programme was referring to, not comparing the nutritional value of wine and doughnuts, janea!