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cancer

(312 Posts)
etheltbags1 Tue 28-Apr-15 21:41:14

I have on many occasions asked for advice on these forums but this time it is really serious, my cancer is not responding to chemo and has not been killed in my lymph glands. Any advice how to cope with this situation, I don't feel ill or weak or ready to depart this life and will fight with all guns blazing but what can I say to myself in the small hours when I am scared.

Ana Mon 18-May-15 10:28:42

Why do you think nurses will be visiting your home, ethel? Have you definitely been told this by the medical staff? I'm not sure why you'd need any home visits after your surgery.

etheltbags1 Mon 18-May-15 09:09:41

thank you for the ideas of the books, going out today to look for some.

some of you have questioned my remarks regarding home visits from nurses etc as being interfering. I really hate people in my house apart from one friend and my family, however the thought of nurses being in my home makes me feel scared because of what ive heard, people say they report back to the doctor how you are and they take notice if your house is clean, what facilities you have etc. I would feel my home is violated, I would also feel that I was not getting better because I would not be able to get out until they came.

I have heard that in hospital they don't let you come home until you have been assessed by social services to see if you can cope, I think this is ok if you are aged about 90, but I can cope by myself now so what will have changed by having an op, apart from having to be careful with lifting etc.

I also hate the interference in my private life, I have been asked things like how many pillows I use, I have been told I can 'talk' to someone but quite honestly all the talking in the world cant give me my life back as it was. I also hate the new way of the nurses how they try to be 'your new best friend', they try to be chatty and are called by first names. They are paid to do a job and there should be a professional distance between patient and nurse. I was trained as a therapist to always keep a distance between personal and professional lives.
I cringed when I heard a patient say to a nurse that he had seen her 'doon the pub' the other evening and she laughingly replied that she had been drunk. In my opinion she should never have let herself get into that situation. I even heard a patient say 'hello darling' to a senior nurse.
Sorry but I cant accept that sort of behaviour which seems to be encouraged nowadays. I much prefer the old way of respect on both sides. am I the only one to think this.

Deedaa Sun 17-May-15 18:26:53

I've got some Agatha Raisins on my Kobo rosequartz now I've got used to her I find them quite fun. I can also reread them because some of the plots are so complicated that I completely forget Who Dunnit or why!

When I had one of my knees replaced I made the mistake of taking Bleak House into hospital with me. It's a wonderful book - but not exactly a laugh a minute if you're not feeling well.

rosequartz Sun 17-May-15 18:07:08

If you are not keen on grumpy and bloody-minded people then perhaps best to avoid the Agatha Raisin books by M C Beaton.
If you don't mind reading about them (rather than have them in the next bed) then these books are quite entertaining.

annodomini Sun 17-May-15 15:55:43

I have all Elly Griffiths's Ruth Galloway books on my Kindle and find them more relaxing than most other mysteries.

NanKate Sun 17-May-15 14:51:39

Glad you and your family have enjoyed the E G books so much Loopylou. I love the character of Nelson who is so unpolitically correct. I have also read The Zigzag girl by E G too, not quite as good but still a nice easy read.

We are there for you Etheltbags1 so hang on in there.

loopylou Sun 17-May-15 10:47:39

Ethelbags definitely try Elly Griffiths' books that NanKate recommended on here and suggested to me on another thread recently.
I'm hooked and having read them all I passed them on to my D and now my 89 year old mum is enjoying them.
DD said she couldn't read them fast enough so they seem to be a 3 generations read in my family smile

whenim64 Sun 17-May-15 10:25:23

As someone who avoids injections and blood tests like the plague, I found the only ones I could tolerate without getting a fit of the vapours were the stomach ones (Clexane? sp?) They are done quickly and only go in a short way. Just remember to alternate sides to avoid little bruises. I never felt any of them.

Lona Sun 17-May-15 10:18:04

Ethel I think you're doing a fair bit of moaning and groaning yourself! grin

Ana Sat 16-May-15 22:09:13

(and yes, the injections only go into the fleshy part of your outer abdomen, not into your actual stomach!)

Ana Sat 16-May-15 22:07:04

I'm nearly the same age as you, Mishap, and I do moan and groan sometimes, but not about health issues - they just have to be got on with! grin

I think ethel comes on here to express her 'worst-case-scenario' fears and hopes we will assuage some of them, which I hope we do.

Mishap Sat 16-May-15 22:00:17

Just to be clear - these injections are not in your stomach, they are into your skin/flesh round your middle. All you have to do is "pinch and inch" (as they used to say) and put the needle into there - the syringes come in separate packets and are pre-loaded, so all you have to do is put the (very short - no more than half an inch) needle into the pinched inch, then throw the syringe and its needle away.

I did this for months and actually found it was easier to do it myself. I am sure you will be able to manage it.

I am quite old and I never moan and groan. smile

NanKate Sat 16-May-15 21:50:01

Hello Ethel so sorry you are having such a difficult time.

Here are a few suggestions. I love Elly Griffiths books. 'Crossing places' is the first in the series and they have such believable characters. I love 'Wind in the a Willows' which can still be read and enjoyed by adults. I remember laughing out loud at the Sue Townsend book which I think is called 'the Queen and I'.

When I have a particularly difficult time, usually in the early hours I put on my ear phones and listen to Radio 4, the more boring the subject the better as it helps me drift off.

You will get through this awful time and all your Gransnet friends will be waiting for your return home.

Hugs and good wishes.

Deedaa Sat 16-May-15 21:19:51

I am the biggest coward in the world ethel and I managed to give myself the stomach injections. The fact that they were stopping me dying from a blood clot was quite an encouragement I found.

I'm really not sure why you find people trying to get you well "nosy"

loopylou Sat 16-May-15 21:16:20

I injected myself daily for four months, wasn't difficult or painful.

rosequartz Sat 16-May-15 21:14:31

I managed to do it (and I am no nurse and a bit squeamish) by positioning the needle, looking away, then doing the deed.
If the nurse is doing it for you, then look away and hum a tune in your head.

Ana Sat 16-May-15 21:07:37

As I said in my previous post, ethel, I did the stomach injections myself too.

I think you're over-thinking all this 'interference' stuff - in my experience once you're discharged from hospital there's precious little help if you need it, never mind nosy supervision!

rosequartz Sat 16-May-15 21:03:29

ethel I had to have injections in my stomach or thigh for quite a long time; I chose to have them in my stomach (it is a bit, well what shall I say, there is a layer of fat!) rather than my thigh. The nurse taught me to do it myself and I thought I never would, but I did. It was fine, honestly.

Don't feel violated, they are there to help.

Old people moan and groan all the time I am quite old grin

I found a book by the side of my bed which someone must have given me, quite light, amusing and a bit whimsical; will have to go and look.

'If You Could See Me Now' by Cecelia Ahern. If you have a kindle perhaps you can download it. It's light but thoughtful and if you have a DGC then you will appreciate it more.

etheltbags1 Sat 16-May-15 20:51:19

btw I am reading a good book by lulu taylor,'The Snow Angel'. I got it from the library but it will be finished by next week, anyone recommend something similar as I know I will not be able to read much inside as I will have older people next to me, bc is an older persons illness. Old people moan and groan all the time. So please anything light and easy to read as above.

etheltbags1 Sat 16-May-15 20:46:35

I think I own almost every book by miss read, they helped me through school, pregnancy, every time I was unhappy or worried and every year or so I re read them again, I love to escape into a world long gone. I have them on my shelves now and probably read them when I get home.

I think the nurse is coming for a couple of weeks to give me an injection, my friend has told me its in your stomach. Please someone tell me she is lying or that its not for abdominal operations. I wont feel I have recovered until the nosy interference has stopped, sorry I have no tolerance for nurses or health workers, they report back to someone and I will feel violated in my own home if they come to visit me.

loopylou Sat 16-May-15 19:36:39

Reported
Complete bogrot and claptrap

zangxuma Sat 16-May-15 19:34:09

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

rosesarered Sat 16-May-15 10:25:22

Good luck with everything Ethel.flowersThe more positive you can stay the better, but we all have fears.Taking something to help you sleep is the best plan, as night fears are the worst of all.

Deedaa Fri 15-May-15 22:37:42

A young friend of mine had bowel cancer when she was at school. She recovered but then relapsed in her early 20's.She carried on working while she had chemo and beat it again. Then just before she was due to get married she was diagnosed with breast cancer! The consultant told her to carry on with the wedding and when she came back from her honeymoon she had an operation and chemotherapy. Four years later she has thrilled us all by announcing that she is pregnant! There really can be light at the end of the tunnel ethel

I doubt you'll be hounded by the hospital once you get home - they generally seem keen to let you get on with it. When DH came home after a month in hospital we were quite glad to have the district nurse coming in for a couple of weeks, just to reassure us that everything was going well,

rosequartz Fri 15-May-15 18:40:07

I loved the books by Miss Read, I read them years ago and I wish I still had them; they are the sort of books you could read again.

Good luck, ethel for next week. How long will you be staying in after the op? They should give you all the advice you need about aftercare when you are in; when I went in the district nurse came in daily for a good couple of weeks afterwards and I was pleased to see her reassuring face and matter-of-fact manner.