Bereavement and Counselling

AlieOxon - I went to Cruse after my husband passed away and found it very helpful. It was a safe environment to let out all the pain and the emotions you can't always share with friends and family. I cried a lot, wrote poems and brought photographs to show the lovely counsellor how my husband and I looked when we were young and full of hopes and dreams.

GrandmaNell - I've been a widow for 3 years and things do get better, there are good days and bad days.

It's difficult knowing how to deal with grown up children because they have their own grief and their own lives to deal with. I feel I am walking on egg shells around them but we are beginning to reach a new normality without their dad.

There is such a lot to cope with after a bereavement but keeping busy is a good antidote so long as you don't get over tired. I can only deal with one thing a day as far as going out and about is concerned.

The mornings are the worst for me so I have a look on Gransnet and see what's going on. By evening I feel more reconciled to my situation but we are all different.

I feel much the same as AlieOxon does. My husband died suddenly thirteen months ago and I still can't cope with the things I did before, Family History and working on the family tree which is a great interest. I can give it about half an hour and then feel I can't concentrate on it any longer. Sometimes I cannot face going home when I've been out although it's different if I have someone with me, and I dread going to bed. Being on my own doesn't bother me but sometimes I feel I'm about to have hysterics. I know I can't encroach on my children's lives, that wouldn't be fair although I did try to explain to my younger daughter how very difficult life is at the moment. Glad to say that things are slowly improving, the good weather helps as I can sit in the garden.
I greatly enjoy Gransnet. Keep up the good work.

Friend M coming this evening, as her visitors have left...good.

Alie, I hope the counselling goes as well as the first session. It does make a difference to be able to talk with someone who doesn't know you but is able to empathise. I hope to hear more about your family history in due course.

Alie, I hope the counselling goes as well as the first session. It does make a difference to be able to talk with someone who doesn't know you but is able to empathise. I hope to hear more about your family history in due course.

I have had to arrange the counselling and the Family History meeting both tomorrow, no other way to do it. But several hours in between!
Busy day.

I have been doing some gardening, it is relaxing, and steroids making me energetic, only I have to rest after.....

I am very glad that you have proper support for your bowel problem - it can be so debilitating. And I do so hope that the next counselling session helps you along.

Tegan is so right about the feeling happy thing.

Good luck with the family history meeting.

I'm still not expecting the whole thing to be easy....it will drag up all kinds of emotions, I know.

I am sad that I feel I can't yet go to my U3A groups, art and singing. I just don't yet feel I can let my mind go to think about painting...however, the singing group doesn't start again yet and it might be the right thing to start again with.

But I am determined to go to the next Family History meeting, as I am supposed to be running it! I know friend M will help out.

I can't help but feel that one of the problems with bereavement is allowing any sort of happiness back in, as if feeling happy is disrespectful to the person who has gone and you have to somehow 'learn' to have happy thoughts and feelings sometimes. I [obviously] know nothing about counselling but I guess that's part of the process. It's good that you're getting on with your counsellor Alie; the relationship doesn't always 'gel'.

TAKE control of your life it will be so much better for you in the long run I am sure

I rang the IBD helpline and just had the nurse ring back, she says I don't need to use the enema that the consultant was pushing.....I am now keeping a log of colitis symptoms and it is improving...
Such a relief after the very real and rather scary pressure I felt from that consultant!

I am now doing things my own way with support...and I feel it is working.
Also hoping the counselling will help with the physical symptoms

Hope you get on OK. Must admit I was very sceptical to begin with but he did good.

Next counselling is on Thursday.

Interesting as I have just been investigating the same and decided that I could be deficient in practically every vitamin....now taking A, C, E, and Zinc as well as the D3 I was prescribed!

I'm tapering off the steroids...and getting migraine eye symptoms each of the last three days! It just lasts half an hour and then goes...

So good to hear Alie I watch constantly to see how you are doing, and have been so impressed with your strength. It hasn't been easy but it is obvious how you are dealing with such an unhappy time and so obviously getting there.

I found a councillor really really helpful, but I only had s breakdown, still all being well!!!!!!!

You might find supplements useful if your gastric system isn't up to scratch. This year after about 20 years and numerous visits to the Dr who has never been of use except to suggest stress I discovered that I am glutin intolerant. I have been tsking Vit B ,,+ and various minerals and all my symptoms are clearing including terrible moutjh ulcers, skin problems and of course symptoms of the allergy. Might be worth a go.

Re colitis - I just discovered that when casein in cow milk, for example (which is one of the things I reckon I am sensitive to) is broken down in the body, the results act like opioids and 'will have a similar CNS effects.. hence, brain fog, lethargy, etc.' Figures!

Yes, I put the phones back on too early!

It's good to read your update Allie. The relationship between you and the counsellor sounds to have started well. Can you switch your phone off for an hour before and an hour (or more) afterwards? That would give your heart and mind time to process some of the discussion

It is excellent news that you have some counselling input now and that you are happy with her. I do hope that it will help you through this difficult time.

I'm pleased to hear that you have someone with whom to talk through all that has happened, alie. I hope it continues to help you

I see I can't spell 'counsellor' - sorry!

This session was mainly setting out the basic scene of the family, which is quite complicated....I didn't get around to talking about myself until near the end, but then gave her a poem I wrote last month. She said we would start from there next week.
(I don't know if I planned this or not, but it felt right!)

I thought it might be interesting to see what happens along this thread.

Sounds like a step in the right direction Alie. X

AlieO It's such good news to hear that you've not only got a Cruse counsellor, but that you feel so comfortable with her - very important! Hope she will help you through

Glad you feel that the councillor will help and that the steroids are doing their job. Take it easy and next time, cup of tea, feet up and 'phone off for a while.