Anxiety

I think you are one of many who have these irrational fears Loobs about our beloved families because of your experience in the last few months these fears are at the forefront of your thinking whereas normally we manage to push them to the back of our minds for the most part. They are always there and as you move further away from such a frightening time your fears will abate and you will be once again able to control them..
I'm glad to hear your daughter is doing well and I hope your fears soon fade.. the others may have ways you can speed up the process for your peace of mind.

First of all anxiety is totally normal...its what we humans have developed to stay alive. The trouble is that in the modern world our mechanisms go into over drive and its difficult to tone them down at will. Also having a child with cancer would be enough to send the most level headed of us round the twist with worry and dread so its hardly surprising you feel so stressed.

I've recommended a little book before called 'Making friends with anxiety' as it helped me see it in perspective. Seeing anxiety as the enemy is, for me, not useful so I try to recognise it, acknowledge it for what it is (a nasty mixture of hormones and emotional responses), what it does to me and then try to move on. Coping strategies such as a brisk walk (preferably with a dog) work as does some mindless sewing. Wine and food are less useful as you then have to deal with the effects of those!
Learning to see the little pleasures in the world - a bit of good news or a few snowdrops coming out etc.

If the anxiety really begins to dominate your life have a word with your doctor - there are sessions of coping strategies available in some areas or they may be able to recommend a councillor or a drug if you want to go down that route.

All the best and you are not alone.

I think I had led a charmed life up to and including my first pregnancy and the birth of my 1st DD. When my 2nd pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 4 months, I was shocked to the core. Surely these things happened to other people not me and my nearest and dearest? The third pregnancy was a nightmare of worry and anxiety, with every tiny twinge sending me into a paroxysm of fear. When DD2 arrived safely the fear diminished slightly but could easily be reignited by any accident or illness that came a bit too close to home - I had totally lost that carefree belief that bad things only happened to other people. Talking to or hearing about people who had suffered bereavements, horrendous injuries, house fires and worse did not inspire sympathy for them. I reasoned that if it had happened to them it could happen to me.

It was only when I began to train as a Counsellor (and had to be Counselled myself as part of the process) that I realised how this attitude was spoiling my chance of personal happiness or contentment and that I would have to tackle it, eradicate it, if I were ever to be able to help other people. CBT can be extremely helpful at countering persistent patterns of negative thought with constructive responses to awful events i.e. instead of going over and over the traumatic events in your mind you force yourself to think of something you can do, however small, to help the person who has suffered or make things better for those who will suffer in the future. This is the impulse that drives us when we take flowers, bake a cake, give a hug or run a marathon to raise funds for Cancer Research.

Loobs I think you are correct in your assessment of what has caused you to be so anxious about your loved ones. You will want to be strong and positive for your daughter's sake Unlike others, I am not convinced that time will heal - the longer you remain so worried the more intractable the problem will become. I would advise (for what its worth) that you discuss this with your Doctor, with a view to having a few sessions with a counsellor or therapist. Nip it in the bud so to speak.

Cross posted with Hilda But I agree with everything she says.

loobs I'm glad to hear that your DD has made a good recovery and that they are going to keep a close eye on her. I understand why you are anxious so would I be. I understand that yoga and meditation are extremely good and helping to control anxiety - have you tried anything like that - might be an idea to drop into a class or perhaps get a DVD to watch.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply - I will definitely take a look at the recommended book. I am going to be spending a fair amount of time in France for a couple of years but will be returning to the UK quite frequently so if I am finding the anxiety too much, I will visit my local GP. Strangely, I think I adopt a CBT approach (although I was unaware that it was what I was doing). Thanks again.

It is a common pattern Loobs - a situation arises where it is totally rational to be worried (e.g. your DD's illness) but when that threat is past, the normal worrying spills over into a free-floating anxiety about other things. It becomes more generalised. You definitely are not alone; and our age contributes to this as well, as we have our own aches and pains and limitations to deal with.

I sometimes find it helpful to look at the "two minds" idea - one mind is thinking irrational thoughts (anxieties) and the other mind is thinking "Oh for goodness sake this thought is a real pain in the rear and I wish it would go away." It is the second mind that you need to tap into and put in the ascendant - recognise and acknowledge the irrational thought, but use the second mind to consciously tell the thought to go away. I know it sounds nuts, but it really does work. It stops you from dwelling on the anxiety and having it take over - and it can make you laugh if you find suitably colourful phrases to tell it to bugger off!

You say that you cannot stop these thoughts creeping in and that is true; but you can change how you deal with them and take more control over them.

It does work - honestly!

The other route might be meditation/mindfulness - I know it feels like a bit of a fad, but it has been around for centuries and has the same intention of putting you in control. Lots of info about this on the net and recommended books/CDs.

Getting back control is the key - I am sure you can do it!

You could try writing down your anxious thoughts. Not just as bullet points but the whole worry. Write as two lists, one for things you can do something about and one for things you cannot control. Sometimes simply doing that will put it in perspective and help you to either deal with the worry or put it to the back of your mind. I don't know how to stop ruminating but some people can.