Books on parenting skills for the 'tween' years.

I am sorry but may I be blunt.....

She's 9 years old and 'refuses' to go to bed? 'Refuses ' to accept discipline???

I think the problem might not the child but the parents?

I also think you have hit the nail on the head already with the parents being inconsistent.

She's not a monster at all, just a little girl , growing up, and confused by the terms of 'warfare'.

We joke that our 4 little grandchildren are like a pack and if you show fear or let them divide you they will take you down . I don't think a book is your solution. I suspect you have tried speaking to the parents as I think you clearly identified the issue already - are they receptive to making changes?

I know from my own daughters who both complain about one of their children continuously coming into their bed at night but when I explain how we resolved it ( super simply) they still aren't prepared to do what it takes to fix it.

Good luck !! Im sorry I couldn't offer the names of any books but I am sure someone will know of some.

I have been watching 'Violent Child, Desperate Parents' on Channel 5. The situations were more severe than you describe, but a remarkable woman, Mandy Saligari, helped to turn round some very unhappy families. I couldn't find any books by her on Amazon but the programmes are still available on line.
www.channel5.com/show/violent-child-desperate-parents
I hope you find a solution to your problems.

Have they themselves tried to change things?
Sorry, dont know any books.
If they dont get a handle on things soon, it could end up that professionals get involved.

NanaandGrampy,

It is the continual messages of inconsistency from the parents (disagreements) which will not 'allow them to fix it'.

shysal,

We recommended they watch Mandy Saligari on Channel 5. They watched the first programme and then decided not to watch any more as "we see enough of that sort of behaviour at home without watching more of it."

obieone,

Our son has tried to change things but wife's lack of consistency in the decision making and discipline issue process makes constructive dialogue almost impossible.

As a last resort the only thing we could think of which 'might sink home' and make them think hard about their destructive behaviour towards the child is a book which outlines inconsistent parenting and the ultimate possibility of professional involvement.

If you google "book inconsistent parenting", only a couple of books seem to come up. But there do seem to be some articles and links about it.

Hope that helps in some way and soon.