Bowel movements (you have been warned!)

Oh what a wonderfully funny thread.......hope all is resolved soon Phoenix

In the freezer looking for a scone ,I found some Rhubarb from DDs garden . She gave me a lot last year , made me think of you Phoenix !

Phoenix you made me splutter my coffee all over my new jumper . I can just picture you in Boots, bottoms up

Rascal....I can sympathise as I gave a fissure that seems to take great pleasure in opening...boy is it painful!
This thread has caused me so much laughter....where would we all be if we couldn't make light of these problems.
Now...off to find my copy of War and Peace.......

Friend's mother on various heart pills had this problem. We produced a cake.
1 cup each of allbran,chopped fruit ( figs prunes raisins) fruit juice,brown sugar,.
Leave to soak then I add an egg or two and a cup of whole meal flour. Put in a loaf tin and cook at 160 fan for about an hour.
It worked very well but you can moderate by lighter sugar or less violent fruit or whiter flour and yogurt or milk for soaking.

They can be a touch abrasive if not thoroughly chewed though Solitaire

Peanut butter...on bread or crackers...not as a suppository ? Works wonders. In fact nuts of any kind.

A lovely picture Phoenix!

Good morning all, and thanks for the responses, both serious and not so serious!

It's probably only me, who when reading Indinana's post "You could, of course, try using glycerin pessaries - they're available over the counter" had a mental picture of presenting ones posterior in the middle of Boots?

Michelle Kenway has a series of YouTube videos on how to do Kegel (pelvic floor) exercises - they are so well described and demonstrated.
Here's the first one

Try pelvic floor exercises - to be found on Youtube - to strengthen the relevant muscles. When the GP prescribed iron tablets, he asked if I wanted a laxative too, I said, 'No, I can manage.' I swear by dried apricots - the ready soaked kind. I munch two in the morning and two more during the day. Works like a charm.

Kiwi-fruit are very good, too.

Me too Indie. Those pelvic floor exercises are a nightmare. I can do a couple then my mind wanders to other things and I forget all about them. Phoenix someone else warning you and others not to push!

Actually, where are you Phoenix. You aren't still in the loo are you? I hope you didn't try my smoothie recipe

phoenix
My family has a history of 'tail end' problems, so I have no probs talking about the subject!
If your problem persists, try DulcoEase from the chemist, if it works it's also available on prescription, as Docusate Sodium. I take up to four a day depending on how bad my problem is!
I am also the proud (?) owner of a 'Squatty Potty', it's the more permanent version of your nine loo rolls. They're available in two heights, but the lower one is fine unless you have a 'comfort height' toilet. When not in use, it tucks neatly away as it's shaped to fit around the base of the loo. It's definitely improved things for me, so have a look at the website if you think it may benefit you. There's a fairly funny explanatory video on youtube, (linked from website) although be warned, you'll never look at an ice cream cone on the same way again!
www.squattypotty.co.uk/
Good luck

I've laughed so much reading through this thread. Did someone say recently that GN isn't much fun anymore? Well clearly all we need is phoenix to sort that out for us!

But seriously, it isn't funny - I have the same problem and am currently under the care of the pelvic floor clinic at my local hospital, with both a uro-gynae and a colorectal specialist. I suspect I may need surgery, but it's not clear yet. I do have some sort of prolapse, where the wall of the rectum has inverted and can cause a temporary holdup of procedures. The worst thing you can do is to push! PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!!! I fear that is what has caused my problem . I have been advised to do kegel exercises every day (I hate doing them and have to confess I'm not very diligent about it). This will strengthen your pelvic floor, and will help prevent any damage of the prolapse variety!
You could, of course, try using glycerin pessaries - they're available over the counter and should sort you out pretty quickly every morning. I was advised to use these by my colorectal specialist. I don't use them every day, far from it, but they are helpful on occasion.
As others have said, I would get down to your GP pronto for advice. Don't ignore it like I did for years .

If nothing else Phoenix you have made us all laugh.

Try Fybogel and a good book. I can't go if I have nothing to read. ?

How are you doing this morning Phoenix? Should we send for the enema squad?

Oh I've had a good laugh great for first thing in the morning! I'm similar usually ok but sometimes not. Unfortunately I have a fissure that can open which is very painful! Ouch! The soup I make in the soup maker (remember the thread about them?) seems to help. I didn't know they existed until I read about them here. Great gadget!

The problem as you get older is that your muscles become weaker, and if you seize up you just don't have the power to press down hard enough. You have to be sneaky and substitute other manoevres for sheer force.

The best way to evacuate your bowels is to sit near the front of the loo seat with your thighs at a 45 degree angle, i.e. with your feet either side of the loo and your knees down. Then squeeze and bare down. Much less pressure on your pelvic floor. ?

Fruit and nut muesli with added fresh fruit,plenty of (gentle) exercise, lots of water, and lack of stress in your life. The last is the most difficult to achieve.

The cheapest Aldi milk chocolate works for me!

I eat lots of fruit and veg plus the 8 glasses of water,
Nothing short of dynamite will shift me.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

LOL some of these answers and indeed the description from Phoenix are hilarious especially having the same issues myself at the moment. I blame the lack of brown bread as we've given it up trying to diet. Some weeks I'm fine and others it seems to take ages to 'get there' kind of thing. I have also tried most of the above and eat a lot of fruit, drink several cups of coffee a day (to which I can attest are more a diuretic than a laxative) and water and have always been a regular first thing in the morning person. I'm trying that smoothie in the morning - if nothing else it will get rid of some of the stuff in the pantry and may just get rid of my insides too