Depression

I've also suffered from depression for many years. I've just come back from a gp appointment....suffering with depression\anxiety...feel horrid ...just want to curl up and die. Have been prescribed beta blockers and sertraline ( have previously been in citalopram) so will wait and see if these help lift my mood. I hate myself for having this dreadful lurgy.
I do find it reassuring though to read other people have exactly the same feelings of despair. Onwards and upwards as they say!!

ok to recap cornergran good advice jinglebellsfrocks oh sooo true will be in touch soon love to all

Apologies for repeating the posts really wasn't trying to get attention honest! Anyway if you'v got the patience just read the last post just about got the hang of it now (i think)

I've suffered pretty much all my life with depression.I remember being about six years old & not feeling like part of the world like looking through a glass window.I agree with a lot of the comments on here it's a great comfort it's a pity I've had to wait sixty years to have my thoughts validated although i KNEW i wasn't mad it's a very very complicated subject isn't it? I would write a book (if i had the time & energy) but its taken me three goes just to write this! so perhaps NOT.
That's the problem on bad days you can't articulate your thoughts & on good days you just want to be busy busy just to make up for the bad days.
In some ways it's easier as you get older as hopefully you have found your coping mechanisms in other ways it' harder as life events take their toll & also if your like me worry about the state of the world although i try & be selective in what & how much i read & watch.
Anyway folks maybe we're all just SPECIAL............

I've also suffered from depression as has my DD and from both experiences I would agree with sunseeker - don't dwell on the past, your life starts today!!! Onwards and upwards, you can't change the past but you can choose your future - good luck to you.

I have suffered pretty much all my life from depression i remember when i was six feeling like i was looking through a window & not really feel like i was really part of anything.I agree with so many of your comments which is such a comfort. I just wish i cold have had this kind of validation years ago & not had to wait till i'm 60!It's such a complicated subject is'ant it & hard to articulate on a bad day & on good days you don't want to dwell on it you just want to be busy busy busy to make up for all the time you've had to waste on the bad days! I could write a book (if i had the time & energy)

I have suffered pretty much all my life with depression.I remember being about six & not feel part of anything as if looking through a window.I agree so much with comments on here& its a shame ive had to wait till im nearly sixty to validate my feelings as I KNEW I was right cold write a book (if i had the energy) its a very very complicated issue & really in some ways gets easier as you get older as you hopefully find your own coping mechanisms but also in some ways gets worse as life events take a toll & the state of the world plays so much on my mind

Please don't feel defeated lonniefrances, depression just takes over sometimes, it doesn't mean it will always be like that though. Really pleased you will go back to your doctor, if bed is the best place for a while don't blame yourself, it's just how it is. Sometimes depression leaves the feet in concrete. Hope you have someone to provide some tlc for a while until the energy comes back. It's important to remember that just because today is a bad day it doesn't mean tomorrow, or the next day, will be. Keep hope if you can. .

Ohhh, lonniefrances, you are suffering a great deal. I don't know your circumstances but I hope your DH is supportive and understanding. Allow yourself to have some duvet time; perhaps you might feel like watching television a little later. You will emerge from this hell, but it will take time. I would consider trying Samaritans again in the meantime - holiday times are often busy, but you will get through if you are up to persisting.
How long is it since you have checked in with your GP about how you feel? It sounds to me as if you could do with a re-assessment of your medication and treatment. If you haven't ever seen a psychiatrist I would consider pushing for that now. I was glad I did because I then had access to other therapies. You might have a limited choice in your area, but worth considering because it's evident that counselling on its own hasn't had lasting benefit.

I'd also consider seeking a course in Mindfulness Based Therapy - there are some in different parts of the country. In the meantime, there's an excellent book here: www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464460315&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+and+depression

And another I found helpful and comforting:

www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464460315&sr=1-3&keywords=mindfulness+and+depression

Both have CDs which have comforting, soothing brief guided meditations; nothing difficult or off-the-wall, simply focusing on following the breath and your thoughts and feelings. They could bring you comfort and are worth a try.

Keep posting, lonnie. I hope you feel a little better very soon. XXX

Thank you Rowantree, have already typed one post and lost it. Have even phoned the Samaritans but all lines were busy. Have put myself to bed so as not to try finding help in the bottom of a bottle and will go to Dr after the bank holiday to see if different meds will help. We should have gone to a local event this afternoon but I couldn't cope with taking the dog and dh didn't want to leave him behind. I feel defeated, but I am more than grateful for the kindness you have all shown.

Depression can feel different for everyone and I don't think there are any rules and no hierarchy of suffering.

My DD2 has suffered with severe depression in the past, such that she self harmed and made several suicide attempts, despite bouts of therapy, meds, hospitalisation and so on. We were terrified and desperate for years, not knowing how best to help. FInally she was lucky enough to have Dialectical Based Therapy - very intensive and long term, but it really helped her. Roll on a decade and she no longer feels severely depressed and when the Black Dog bites she now has the tools to cope with the feelings better so she can get on with life.
I also suffered with anxiety and depression for years, but it wasn't clinically severe. Bad enough for me to wake up feeling there was no point to life, and not to enjoy doing anything at all but just go through the motions. I found that hellish enough and felt bitter and jealous of anyone who was happy or content. I also experienced constant anxiety and fixated on obsessive, panicky thoughts which tired me out. I had psychodynamic therapy, CBT and a course of therapy at the Bethlem as an outpatient which I hated, found very unhelpful and actually made me feel worse. I left after giving it my best shot for 9 months and don't regret it.
Finally my psychiatrist and I found a combination of meds which helped me and gradually I improved. I no longer wake under a black cloud, or feel crippling anxiety for no obvious reason. I get bad days when I think it's returning but generally I'm enjoying the respite and ability to feel relatively normal (whatever that is). For me, it was time, and correct meds - I'm in no hurry to quit taking them yet. But too many therapies focus on the past and I found I went round in circles and got nowhere. Don't be afraid to seek alternative therapies - MIND has low-cost options, for instance, and it's also worth joining Anxiety UK and Depression Alliance. Gentle hugs to you, lonniefrances.

Lucky girl..... You have just put into words my exact thoughts. Agree how some people carry on with their lives saying they have depression. Bottom line is they are feeling sad or fed up for a while, depression is a whole different ball game and stops you from functioning on any level, without a great effort.

You say that you have had anti-depressants. Does this mean you no longer take them? If so, then a visit to the doctor would be a good idea. I hope things improve for you soon.
When DD is suffering she forces herself to take a daily walk, observing every small thing along the way, to stop the 'catastrophising'. Mindfullness also helps a bit, but generally she just has to ride the storm.

Keeping busy does have some virtue but it is beyond hard when in a bad bout of depression. When I was bad I stood ironing and sat at the sewing machine quilting with tears pouring down my face and barely able to stand but I was buggered if I was going to let it beat me. At other times I was unable to do this (or indeed anything else) and the sense of failure was overwhelming. Please do not confuse depression with feeling down - it can be a severe all-systems illness that winds down all your functions: physical, mental and emotional.

I get slightly irritated when people say that they are feeling depressed whilst continuing with their lives. They are not depressed; they are sad and fed up. Depression is a separate entity that is in a different league. That is not to say that I do not have every sympathy with those who are feeling sad and down.

When I was so ill I had enormous support from people here on Gransnet and I will be for ever grateful for that. I still struggle at times, made worse as I am physically in pain most of the time; but I am still here and bumping along as best I may.

You have my deepest sympathy too

It must be dreadful to be in such a situation, I have been to the gates of hell and back but never felt depressed and always been able to function. You have my deepest sympathy

I think it can sometimes be helpful to just allow yourself to bump long the bottom for a while. Don't panic. Just use the time as a rest. Sooner or later with luck, you should find yourself surfacing again.

I have depression at times so debilitating I can't get out of bed, at other times I can sit all day staring at the wall, have been hospitalized in the past and don't want to be again, which is why I get fearful when I feel it creeping up. At the moment I can still function, walk the dog etc. Thank you to all who have tried to help, I think maybe it's just a case of getting through an hour at a time sometimes.

True

If you can get off your ar sit-upon and go for a walk, or get out the vacuum cleaner, you are not depressed. Sorry. But please don't belittle depression by linking it with being "down".

Though it doesn't always work, I find keeping busy the best thing, especially something physical like going for a walk, hoovering digging the garden which can take out your frustrations. If you are retired and have time, just go out somewhere such as a local park. I get on the train to central London and walk about looking at the architecture, museums, river, parks etc. If you are working, keep busy at work. It's easy to get down (for me) when you are not busy. I try not to think about bad things from the past - there's enough stress in my current life!

If you dwell on the past and worry about the future,you are cr---in on today.
Walk with your head up and smile.

I too suffer with depression and one counsellor advised ending every day thinking of something that made you happy that day, this apparently causes endorphins in the brain . The first time I tried it all I could think of was that my favourite ice cream was on sale at half price! I know it sounds silly but for me it worked. You say you have tried hypnotherapy and counselling but most concentrate on the past which I found just made me feel worse - the one that worked for me concentrated on solution based therapy. I still have a way to go but I have made more progress in 6 months than I did in 8 years using conventional methods.

My doctor told me, when you get unwanted thoughts of the past, imagine a road sign with a diagonal line across it, and the word STOP. A simple strategy but I find it a good one.

Have you read 'Mind over mood'?. I can't remember who wrote it but its a well known book on the topic. As you've had counselling (CBT?) are there exercises or things to practice? Mindfulness is helpful. Sounds like your mood is dipping. Were you given self help things to use when you recognise this?