Does 'venting your spleen' do any good?

I am realising that this thread ia about venting your spleen at people. I always connect the phrase with venting about something, but to someone else, not the perpetrator.

DD always rings me when she is furious about something and vents her spleen. I listen until the venting is over and then pour metaphoric tea down the phone line and we move on. I do somthing similar to DH, although that is usually face to face. When really worked up I go for a long walk while I steam inside, think of all the things I would like to say/do to the cause of my problems and gradually lower the tempreture until I feel safe to go home.

I learned when very young never to paint myself into a corner, so I do not think I have ever lost my temper and told someone to their face exactly what I think of them on anything. After a row like that apologies are so embarrassing and the whole event always leaves such a nasty flavour.

Arghh Kitty vent away

Teetime, same here, I amy vent here on GN, but I am very careful in private life, especially with family who have very different views, re politics, etc. And DH is soooo British and doesn't have a spleen to vent either- just too polite and gentle.

I maybe should clarify - I was venting my spleen to the people mentioned in my post not AT them.

Wouldn't like anyone to think I was venting at everybody!

I too am a wimp in these situations and fear that, once said, the words can never be taken back. As a result I have learned to bite my tongue (it's taken a long time) and be very guarded in what I say. There are times I would love to just let rip and tell certain people exactly what I think but that would have catastrophic effects. Instead I go and have a moan with friends who are in similar circumstances and that helps.

I'm not big on venting, more of a low grade grumbler. On the rare occasions when I have really gone for it I have felt horrible for days after and have never really forgotten what I regard for me as bad behaviour.

DH doesn't have a spleen to vent.

Yesterday I 'vented my spleen' with 2 daughters, 1 brother, DH (again) and the matter is still rankling so I will have to talk to more offspring and then if that doesn't work, start on friends.

There should be a spleen rating system. My current issue probably ranks as a 10 person spleen vent!

I'm totally with the idea of writing the letter that is never sent. The wonderful freedom to get it all off the chest and to then bin the missive. I once lost my temper with my father over something which I now realise was trivial, he told me I had hurt his feelings, and I have never felt such a heel ! Far better to write down the horrid feelings, give them a day or two, and surprisingly, often one realises there wasn't a problem in the first place. Life is far to short to harbour resentment. And having said that, I am not a saint and am not pretending to be one.

In an ideal world, the best thing to do is to be assertive and not aggressive, but it is hard when others really upset you or make you very angry. The danger then is that if you give vent to your anger, your words can have unintended consequences.

If you say nothing, you feel bad inside and it is very bad for your health and self-esteem. I have been wondering if the best solution is to have a pre-prepared "script".

My example is my sister, who is constantly showing off - usually about money in my case because she knows I haven't got much. Today it was "My daughter is making so much money that she's off to America again."

Should I say "Are you aware how often you show off - usually about money? I hate show-offs and I am not remotely interested in hearing what other people earn. Please don't bore me with this kind of stuff it anymore". Or is there a better script?

I will add that I had to suffer over 50 years of criticism from an abusive mother and had to put up with it in silence in order not to be cut out of the will. The strategy worked but I am left with overwhelming feelings if anger that could take years to get rid of.

Well,*Kitty*..... That's because you are you!

I have a blog that only I am allowed into. I vent my spleen to my heart's content and know that unless something catastrophic happens, only I am privy to whatever is bothering me.
Otherwise, I'm a complete wimp. I'd rather roll over and expose my jugular than go for it... It means that I have been at the receiving end of too many attacks; but that is me.

The only person I off load on is my Daughter. She knows all the people that I know, she grew up with most of them. It's no good talking to OH because he can never see a problem, there is always a solution to him.

I've rarely had irritating, annoying or downright unfriendly comments when I've 'vented my spleen' on here.

Getting things off your chest only works if you have a sympathetic listener, therefore a good friend is the best.
If you choose to unload on here there is a very real danger of attracting irritating, annoying and downright unfriendly comments back.

Yes Elrel* him indoors does his emails this way, I must start doing the same.

Nice one, Nonnie 1.
Apparently the method to avoid embarrassing accidents with emails is:
1. Body of email
2. Subject
3. Recipient

This could avoid the multiple postings going viral which occasionally appear in the press. Also it is a good way of assessing whether you are really saying what you meant to say.

Yes, Nonnie frequently

Nice one! As long as you don't press "Send" by mistake

Has anybody else trued this? It works for me.

I write an email to the person who is upsetting me. I tell them what they have done and ask them why. I also let them know exactly how much they have upset me and wonder why they feel the need to do such a thing. I'll say every damn thing that is on my mind, and then I read it back.

Then I delete it.

It works better than anything I know.

I will add that I'm not constantly simmering about him it's just when he does something particularly despicable. Once I've let it out on here. He is the last thing on my mind
I agree a constant under current of rage is very bad for you.

For some people it seems to be healthy and, like a cooker pressure, it releases tensions inside. But, to continue the cooking analogy, for others it's more like a magic porridge pot than never empties, just boils away all the time.

This must be harmful for either or both mental and physical health if you are consumed by it, day in and day out.

I don't vent much but when I do lose it I really explode. I think gransnet serves a useful purpose in allowing one to vent in safety. Of course, I vent to dh on a regular basis about stuff (newly discovered Mum stuff at the moment!) but he can only take so much! And, like nina, I vent on gn about the Idiot.

I think that the above ramble has led me to conclude that venting to a third person is safest.

I am really in two minds over this. Part of me feels emotions are often better out than in, especially to close friends who may sympathise, or say "get a grip". It is destructive to let anger it hurt fester away inside, but on the other hand, once articulated, it can be hard to take back what has been said. There have been occasions when I have felt slighted/overlooked/neglected (a memorable Mothers Day some years ago) but I bit my tongue and said nothing. Fortunately ...... as on that occasion a surprise lunch had been planned and all 3 DDs turned up on the doorstep with flowers, fizz etc while I was sulking and contemplating harsh words.
Close thing. So vent if you must, but be careful who to and don't make matters worse.

I think if one is assertive and not aggressive it can be very cathartic for some people, but as others have said, that should then be an end to it. Otherwise it may become a sort of never-ending rehearsal of woes that has the opposite effect to dispersing the feelings of anger and/or upset; resulting in endless simmering.

I think it depends on what the vented spleen is indicative of. An explosion when an individual event has driven you to it and once the spleen is vented you feel better and there is no collateral damage is probably cathartic all round.

At one point DD had a long running dispute with British Gas after a frustrating phone call with them she would ring me and vent her spleen about BG and its employees, once she had done this she felt better and I was unharmed. However I had a friend who tended to indulge in personal abuse when she exploded. She did this to me once. I understood the circumstances that engendered her explosion, but the nature of the explosion with its abuse of me and my family, even though followed by an apology, cast a shadow on our relationship for sometime.

The other form of venting, when the venting happens at intervals and does not seem to bring other than short term can be a sign of a long simmering internal rage that doesn't go away and that can be a cause of ill health.