To die in her own way.

alima I feel for you, just take each day as it comes you may have quality time yet and that's what is important.

Thank you everyone for your advice I have said before that my mother is a cantankerous old so and so, however she has not been so bad lately and has been listening to what I say but as to wether she acts on it I have yet to see. !

Feeling for all of you at this most trying of times. I just hope that as and when (not if) the time comes for me that I will be allowed to end my life as I want to, not how "they" want me to.

ethel, isn't it hard to be with ageing parents sometimes? I had to work so hard to respect my parents' wishes over differing aspects of their moving towards end of life. I'm very glad now I did, very much hope our family will respect my wishes when the time comes. For me it's about retaining control and also my individualit. Ethel, you must be as you are and react accordingly. In other words, go with your instinct. Alima sending a hug and would echo other thoughts, please care for yourself as well as your DH, keep strong

When my mother was about 91, I phoned her one day and she did not answer so we went round and found her collapsed with blue lips etc. We dialled 999 and she was taken to hospital. She lived until she was 95 but her quality of life after that was poor.

I think her time to die was when she was 91 but if I was faced with the same situation, I think I would have to dial 999 again.

When our old cat jumped onto my knee and tried to turn over onto her back so I could tickle her tummy, she couldn't. I realised she had heart failure and just sat and stroked her for hours. My husband came home and the cat became distressed so he took her to the vet. The vet said they could drain her lungs but we said no.

My mum in law knew she had cancer about five years before a fall led to hospital admission, the result of which was we were all informed she was terminally ill. She refused treatment and we supported that, as did all the doctors involved. at 90, she'd led a good life and was ready for it to come to an end. As others have said Ethel,it's your mother's choice and you mustn't feel guilty, just do the best you can to support her.

If she is in her sound mind and isn't afraid of dying, I think you should just accept her decision. It's her life and her death.

My grandma refused treatment for cancer when she was in her eighties. She decided she'd rather die than have all the discomfort and 'torture' of the treatment. She was looked after with dignity and died a natural death caused by her illness.

Alima, keep strong, let others help where they can and take care of yourself too.

Ethel as others have said respect your Mum's wishes even if it's hard for you. Quality of life is better than longevity .

Ethel my mum chose her own way of dieing, stopped eating and drinking. It's what she wanted and I let her do it. Do let your mum make her choices too.

Alima how very sad. My counterpart gran has got terminal cancer and is still with us two years later. I hope only the best for your DH.

Alima - I am thinking of you.

I agree with the others.

What Annsixty and others have said .

I think it is your mother's choice but I am surprised she does not want to at least try the oxygen, I had oxygen for three days continuously and I felt so much better for it.

Alima for you and sincere good thoughts for your H.
Courage to you both.

As many of you will remember I have recently been in a position with my own mother who has very clear preferences for treatment. I felt the only appropriate course of action was to support her in the choices she made. I'm not saying it was easy, but at the end of the day the decision is hers to make.

Alima - so sorry too hear about your husband's diagnosis.

etheltbags1, you would likrly feel guilty the other way too, if you tried to coax your mother into things she didnt want to do, and refused to do.
So better this way than the other way. Especially for you.

The person who I know who was on oxygen for quite some time, just used to have it by the sofa, and take it when she needed it.
She just used to use it like anyone would use any other medicine.
She never went outdoors using it. It was heavy and solid. The canister was about 21/2 feet high.

I was following Alea's post.
Now Charleygirl's as well.

Same from me Alima.

I agree with what others have said,let your mother live her life as she wishes. Quality for me rather than longevity.

Alima that is awful news for both of you

And a huge sisterly hug to Alima - Bon courage!

We should all be thinking of the quality of our lives shouldn't we?
Modern medicine has made huge advances in longevity but I am sure there are many like me, head in the sand, knowing that one day we will all die, but "perhaps I might prove the exception. "
At the heartbreaking funeral of a cousin's wonderful, vibrant, popular 27 year old son who dropped dead playing rugby for his club in Oxford, the minister said, that it is not the length of a life which decides whether it is judged "good" (as in, so-and-so had a good innings) but the quality of those years.
Respect your mother's judgement, let her enjoy her remaining span as she wishes and support her as and when she needs you.

Let her live out the rest of her life as she sees fit and just be there for her....

DH has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. It is going to be how he wants, all we can do is support him. Don't feel guilty ethelbags1.

In the end it is her life, and because of that she must make the decision as to how she should live it. Personally, it is what I would want. The thing is if you restrict her are you doing it for her or because you don't want to loose her. Surely it is better to have an active, possibly shorter life and be really happy, than a longer life where you are restricted and not enjoying it. I think she sounds marvellous and ultimately will do what she wants whatever you say.

Slightly different, but my DM refused kidney dialysis, knowing full well that the remainder of her life would be very short. It was her decision and we, as a family, respected that - hard though it was She had a good quality of life right up until a few days before she died, which she would not have had if she'd gone down the dialysis route. (There was no question of a transplant because of her age. Had that been a possibility, it may have led her to a different decision.)

I cant bare to think of her being confined in a chair or bed on oxygen. If anyone has experience either negative or positive please do let me know what its like being on oxygen because she will eventually not have a choice and I could tell her others experiences btw she would kill me for discussing her problems even anonymously.