Black dog.

Good morning Ruby
So sorry you are feeling so miserable, you have had such a bucketful to deal with it's no wonder you are struggling. Are you still awake?

I know just what you mean about the cleaning side of things as you have to be so organised to get things done as you want and it takes so much energy which you haven't got - which is why you needed to get a cleaner in the first place. I have learnt that you need to have a "good enough" philosophy and that everything is going to take a very long time to get as you want it so you have to be a nibbler and just do things in tiny bite size pieces.
I have a new cleaner and it took me ages to find one but in the end I asked a neighbour if he could ask the lady who helps him if she had a slot for another home.
She came over and we had a cup of tea together and we chatted everything through. She is not like any cleaner I have ever had before but then everyone is different. She took a while to learn my house and even now isn't quite there but then she isn't here as much as I am - but at least the dust isn't as bad! I have started to look at it as a training course that she is on and I am teaching her how things need to be in my house and in that way it lessens the frustrations.
You are going to have to be a detective. Do you think any of your neighbours might have a cleaner? You could ask around and try my approach. It worked for me.
You could try a card on a board in a shop or even take out an ad in the local freebie or similar. You do need some help asap.

I hope you are managing to sleep and will have a better day once you have woken up.
As for how you are going to cope when your son is away you have three weeks to get some strategies thought out and in place.
First of all you need a couple of flasks which you fill up at night. One with iced water and the other with some nice hot tea. So that is the start of the day sorted.

I think you need to ring the doctors surgery today and see if you can get an appointment asap. You need to get plugged in to some help and the GP might help you there.

Hopefully there will be lots of others on here as they all wake up and will offer you other ideas.
I hope you will feel better when you wake up.

Ruby things seem bleakest in the 'wee small hours' I know (((hugs))))

rubylady and ((hugs)). I hope things seem a little brighter this morning. The main thing at the moment is to get yourself a cleaner/home help who will be supportive and companionable for you as well as taking away the burden of the everyday tasks that are becoming such a heavy burden. There are such paragons about - my DMIL was lucky enough to have one. Perhaps explain your situation to an agency and see if they have anyone that fits the bill?

ruby I am so sorry for you but it does sound as though you need some help from your doctor. Although you may not feel like making the app which can sometimes be a struggle in itself it would be a good idea to get along there as soon as possible.

ruby At times life can overwhelm us and we struggle to see a 'bright side', I know I do. Some good advice above as usual. I hope things improve for you.

Ruby, I know just how you feel, nothing anyone says or does helps.

What you must keep in sight is that things will change and improve, it may take days or weeks, but it WILL happen.

When I am over whelmed. I find that making a list of outstanding jobs and the things that are depressing me (be honest with yourself, however trivial they may seem, no-one else will see it). I find list get things in perspective and enable me to concentrate on the important things (crossing something off is a lift in itself).

? Ruby. I do hope you can go to the spa as you need and deserve a bit of pampering. ?

ruby always seems worse in the wee small hours hope the sun is shining on you this morning. I am getting a pedicure and lip and chin wax at 2 on Thursday, not able to look after either chin or toes because of broken wrist. Almost rivalling Mr M on the hairy stakes, skulking round the house till I look less like Chewbaccy. I know I will feel better after so hope your spa has the same boost on your spirits.

The wee small hours can be awful Ruby and everything can be overwhelming and insurmountable, but I certainly am not trying to dismiss the reality of the black dog, I know him well although he is not on my shoulders at the moment. As others have wisely said, dont try to do it all, or to perfection. When your son leaves, just shut his room door ( after removing any food ) and leave it until you feel able to either do it or can employ someone else to do it. Just do one small task a day, one person doesnt make a lot of mess, so one day do the hall, one day the bathroom etc. And learn to live with a little dust! I do think that you are grieving though; for your Father and for your son who is moving on to exciting new things. Congratulate yourself on the great job you have done on getting your son to achieve his goal, and take a little time to maybe join a bereavement group. If you contact the funeral director who dealt with your Father's service, they should be able to put you in touch with help. I do hope that I havent given you an offputting list of things to do Ruby, but just take things stage by stage, and remember there is usually someone on GN, at all hours of the day and night.

Someone I know who has bad PMS, I tell her not to make any more important decisions that what to have for dinner.
And I mean it.
So if she rings me with a problem, I tell her I will speak to her in 3 days time!

obieone what would your friend do without you?

She totally understands! And agrees with me when she is not in the PMS bit!
She knows her decision making skills at those times are to be hugely avoided.

I had dreadful periods. There were days when I couldn't go over the door step
My doctor fitted a Mirena coil
It was life changing
Please get appointment with your GP Ruby
Write it all down
like you have on GN
and give it the Dr to read
It will save time and you won't have the problem of forgetting something

hope you feel better soon

The spa will recharge your batteries

Ruby, has your Dr ruled out Endometriosis? It used to cause me awful pain at period time, but once diagnosed, and prescribed some drug, it was miraculous, and I could function again. It's a long time ago now, and I cannot remember the name of medicine prescribed, but there will probably be a more up to date treatment. Good luck to you, and {{{hugs}}}

Just flowers I hope you feel better soon. The dog keeps nipping at my toes and it's an effort to keep him at bay. It's been a shitty awful year all round ruby take care

As I am feeling slightly better and starting to get my independence back, I sent heartfelt sympathy and understanding to those affected and hope things get better. For those of you where they won't get better I hope you are given the strength to cope.

Glad to hear your feeling stronger Ann . Given your domestic circumstances you must have had a bad few weeks trying to cope after your knee op.

You're ....

Actually Anya a saying springs to mind " you don't know half" but I am learning to ignore, it is the only way I can deal with it. H hasn't been able to understand what has and is happening. But this is my life now and being an awkward wotsit I am going to make the most of it now. He has never heard the word ,no, so many times in his life and while he doesn't like it, he is going to have to lump it.

Good for you Ann I have been through so much c**p in my life
that some days I don't know which way is up (sorry if that sounds self-pitying) and as you say people 'don't know the half' and why would they be interested? Everyone has their own troubles. I too am trying to get on with it and live my life and say no a bit more. I have learned that people don't like mice that roar or worms that turn. Well tough. for anyone struggling this morning.

Yes, good for you Ann