Bad news at hospital

notoveryet I'm so very sorry your having to deal with this. As a family we are living under a similar threat. I know the feeling of having this hanging over you. It makes it hard to be positive. In someways it may be easier if everything was out in the open but if the person concerned wants to carry on as normal then that's their decision and has to be respected and adehered to. When we're with her we pretend all is well and carry on as normal, except we put much more effort to everything we do. Things I may not have done before the diagnosis we now happily join in with.It's exhausting though and worse for you because I can get a break when we come home. It's the overwhelming fear I find hard,it's raised my anxiety levels to breaking point at times. So I think your feelings are normal and I hope you can get some support. We do everything we can to let her enjoy the life she has and make good memories to sustain us if or when the worse happens. I'm so glad you've found the support here helpful. Gransnet at its best.

notoveryet your news is still fairly new, every day you will feel a lttle stronger so go easy on yourself. Bet your hair looks great

Thank you, I read the post from Luckygirl this morning and felt very supported and encouraged. Had my hair done this morning and a little wander round the village and feel better for it. I am currently looking for local organisations and my immediate neighbours have been very welcoming, I think I shall have a bit of a drive to clubs etc but time will tell. My very best wishes to you Luckygirl and heartfelt thanks for your supportive post.

Notoveryet you're in an uncomfortable situation aren't you and I'm sure there are times you wish you didn't know about what might happen. Luckygirl has made a very good post and I feel it would be beneficial for you to get to know some neighbours and local activities as they will help you in the future. Easy for me to say I know, as I'm not in your position, but it's only been a couple of weeks since you were told and you must still be in shock. You're probably grieving for your DH too which will be confusing as he's still with you. Enjoy your time together creating happy memories for the future

Excellent advice given by Luckygirl just be aware that we are always here to talk to, thinking of you too

It is very hard indeed to have to hold in your feelings all the time. Does you OH understand how you are feeling? - I know that many men would want to just soldier on without discussing it, and that can be hard in itself.

I do have some insight into how you are feeling - my OH is ill and I sometimes look at him and wonder if he will get through the day. But I do still go out and about and do stuff as otherwise life would feel quite oppressive to both of us.

You have the added problem of being in a relatively new place - I moved 4 months ago and it is slow going trying to get to know people and tap into the local activities. My OH too is not into going out and getting to know people, so I do understand.

I do think that you cannot put your life totally on hold because of this worrying news. As others have said it may never burst and he may go on to die of something completely different. I do understand however that in some ways your mind will be projecting forward to how you might feel after he has died and whether you will be able to look back guilt free. I know this is in my mind too - a lot.

But we can only be who we are and live our lives as a couple as best we may. Not many years ago, medical science was such that you would not have this piece of knowledge burning its way into your thoughts all the time; and you would have both gone on to enjoy life, and your relationship, free from such knowledge. I guess the best way forward is to try and do that - but not easy I know.

I am thinking of you and hoping that you will in time come to feel more at ease.

Not doing too well.Dh just going about normal life but I just can't. We moved to a small village about 6 months ago and I know I need to be finding new activities and friends. Dh has never been one for such things so I feel that if our time together is likely to be cut short, I should spend it with him. Am on anti depressants, just need some words of comfort, am not showing any of these feelings to him or family. Thank you all for being there.

You have insight into your feelings notoveryet

Can I make a suggestion. Just live every day as if it's your last. Within phyiscal and financial limits, go out and enjoy yourselves. Or stay in and enjoy yourselves.

Go and see family and friends more often. Ask family and friends to come and visit.

Or whatever would make you both happy. Tell DH how much he means to you and what a good life you've had together, and what a wonderful legacy you both have on the family you created together.

The worst may or may not happen. Sooner, or later or maybe never.

So glad you had a good evening. I know how hard it is to live in the moment, but we are all rooting for you.

I'm sorry to be leaning on you all so much, but I can't talk to family and friends without getting g weepy.I can't stand the thought of being without him, but I'm not enjoying this time we have together through fear. It just helps to put it down here. I did think of you all last night and we did have a lovely evening.

notoveryet - My Dad had the same problem, for many years. They never told me about it until after he died at 84.
Mum had been told that it was good for him to eat an onion a day (cooked!) This would help with his blood in some way.
I hope this doesn't sound morbid, but it's one of the easiest ways to go!

notoveryet Enjoy your family celebration. I may even raise a in your honour...any excuse is good enough...

Thank you all so very much, we have a family meal tonight so looking forward to that. The flowers mean a lot, you are all very kind and I send my thoughts to those who are also living through difficult times.

on your anniversary, but take heart and live up to your name Notoveryet x

Congratulations on your silver wedding, notoveryet. Put all negative and worrying thoughts away just for now and try not to let them spoil your day.

notoveryet I also sympathise with you and your husband. There is a lot of support and good advice on this thread. My husband has an aortic aneurysm and leukaemia. He has regular check ups (for both conditions) and will have another scan later this month. Live this day in the best way that you know how. Enjoy all the simple pleasures that come your way. I do my best to remain positive and carry on regardless. For you, an armful of. I would so like them to be real.

Excellent posts and advice so won't repeat. Just want to say my heart goes out to you- I just cannot imagine what you are going through...

You've been very brave and unselfish notoveryet, and not tried to talk your husband into an operation. If he has had an in depth explanation of process and risk and decided against it wiould be hard to sway him. I'm assuming here that you two have talked it through and understand each other's viewpoint. I can only agree with recent posters, yes, take what enjoyment you can from your anniversary. The future is uncertain, not knowing is one of the hardest things, but you do know the good things you have experienced. There will be times to reminisce about and celebrate. although of course there is also fear for the future, why wouldn't there be? I agree totally with Anya, don't bottle the worry and fear up. Anyone doing that risks it tumbling out one day when it would be better if it didn't. Please share it with us when you need to, lots of listeners to support you quietly. .

Staying strong is all very well and good, but when you feel sad and need to let it all out, there's some lovely folks here on GN notoveryet wiling to listen

*annsixty is so right. All the time you spend together,notoveryet will be a gift to you both.

I have read that all men (and some women) should have a diagnostic ultrasound scan for early diagnosis of aortic aneurism. My father died suddenly of an undiagnosed AA which ruptured. We never had a chance to say goodbye and even after 27 years, I would give anything to be able to have had a last few days with him. My sister has had a small AA diagnosed and recommended that I and our other sister should have the scan as these can be hereditary. My GP agreed and I had the scan which happily showed no aneurism, although it did show up a quantity of gallstones which were news to me!

You must celebrate the fact that you have had 25 happy years together and don't look too far into the future. It really should be a good day for you, it is an achievment to be happy about.

Today is our silver wedding anniversary. Should be a happy time but I just want to cry. I wish he'd been able to have the surgery, just feel I'm waiting for it to happen.

To answer your questions, we had e everything explained to us, the risks of operating seem very high, ongoing monitoring will take place but there seems very little can be done except to maintain the best possible lifestyle. I do appreciate your good wishes, it's hard staying strong for him and the family.

notoveryet, what an awful day for you both,take care of each other x

notoveryet Your OH is between a rock and a hard place there. When it comes to the crunch it is his decision. Did you get a doctor who fully explained all the risks involved given any other health issues he may have?
I would certainly want someone to explain to me in detail about the pros and cons of this. This is a difficult time for you.