Hello lovely Gransnet ladies
I am actually a 35-year old mum who usually uses Mumsnet, but when I posted there, I didn't get a lot of repsonse, so I thought people on here may be better listeners.
I'm cutting a v long story short here, and will be as brief as I can.
Last year, I had a mild traumatic brain injury, post concussion syndrome and an awful mental breakdown. I was helped by my very kind GP who prescribed various psychotropic meds to help with insomnia and severe anxiety. One of these was a typical antipsychotic that she gave me in desperation after other meds didn't work (antidepressants and benzodiazepines / sleeping pills).
Unfortunately the side effect of the antipsychotic was a rare movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia which is both disfiguring and socially embarrassing... Lucky me got this and I am living with involuntary movements (facial tics like grimacing and lip smacking, odd involuntary limb movements and other strange tics), alongside the awful mind blanks, acquired dyslexia and cognitive / memory issues that come with post concussion syndrome.
Fortunately I work part time from home as a self employed freelance copywriter and am lucky I don't have to encounter too many people during my everyday existence. I still do all the usual socialising / play dates and school runs etc for my daughter, albeit with an awfully heightened social anxiety despite my husband telling me no one is bothered by my odd movements etc.
I live life as fully as I can despite all my issues, but have been trying not to fall into the pit of depression that my movement disorder may not go away, or my head injury symptoms might not improve much more. AIBU to want to sue the GP who prescribed these pills with the best intention, not knowing they could ever have the effect they did?
AIBU when I also worry about any future jobs or career being affected by my odd movements and my self consciousness about how I believe others may perceive me? I can't ever picture myself working in an office or public again as having to control my movements is a bit like someone with Tourette's... Semi-suppressible but not completely...
I can't go on with my stupid lack of control over my body thanks to some evil antipsychotic meds given to me last year after my breakdown.
Having to suppress involuntary mouth and tongue movements every day is exhausting - and there is nothing anyone can do to help.
I have had enough but can't give up just yet - they might get better apparently and I have my daughter to live for. If it wasn't for her, I would be even more severely depressed.
Sorry for the mini self-obsessed rant... I am so tired of no-one ever understanding what it is like and how frustrated I feel over the lack of any change or control over my body. ??
I cry often in quiet despair that my life has become what it is. I know others will say count your blessings, and there are others out there with much worse, which of course I appreciate - I guess I am worried about my future and how I would have to cope with the potential changes.
Are you in your forever house?
Retiring and living frugally in money from downsizing after years of stress


(((hugs)))
) I know that to you it seems your involuntary movements are hugely noticeable, but to others they're rarely worthy of note; I say this having two family members who have the condition. Like you they acquired TD through taking drugs to help with mental health problems, but the reality is that without the drugs they could not have continued to live reasonably settled lives. You know from your experience of CBT that the key to living with the condition is to change, challenge or adapt your thinking and you also know the benefits of getting support during 'low' periods. 

