I feel invisible

Marie Curie were there with my Father as he died, MacMillan very little help to be honest.

When my DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer I contacted McMillan for advice, said someone would contact me, never did. I rang a local hospice who sent someone out but only discussed making a will etc (which we had already done). Was given the name and telephone number of a nurse at the hospital who we could contact if we needed advice. One day I rang her 6 times leaving a message on her machine asking her to ring urgently - six years later I am still waiting. No-one advised me what, if any, benefits we could get - in fact it was a friend who worked for CBA who told me we were entitled to benefits under "special circumstance". I found the District Nurse was the greatest help and support to me - arranging for someone to come in to sit with my DH overnight so I could get some rest.

People actually reel in shock if its suggested that Macmillan aren't all angels. I'm sure for some, they are
Not for my family though, sadly, and we could so, so desperately do with support.

Strange isn't it with Macmillan nurses. They wouldn't come to my parents at all Mumm had carcinomatosis and was confined to bed for several weeks before she died with only my 80 year old Dad to nurse her. Marie Curie came for her last two nights. Three years after that Dad had oesophageal cancer - wouldn't come to him either - I persuaded the hospice to take him and they were brilliant.
I managed a Macmillan Team who drove me mad as they were so picky about which patients they 'chose' without a specific written criteria we could all understand.

I hadn't dared to say that on here before as I thought everyone thought they were wonderful - they certainly have a relentless fund raising schedule and people don't always realise that they do get a hefty wack in terms of contracts from the NHS anyway. Marie Curie get very little and in my view are the most helpful.

My experience with Macmillan is that they dont bother turning up to appointments, do not stay in contact, don't do what they say they will. Apparently they're 'too busy'..

That is awful, I would expext more from a GP but these are different times. Macmillan do not get any of my money, I support Marie Curie.

If a badly bruised face did not draw the doctor's attention, what does jantee have to do? Walk into the surgery with her head tucked underneath her arm?

I think the problem lies with the GP, not with jantee.

Sorry, so busy ranting that I ignored the OP! Dear jantee I'm afraid that as an older, now single, woman you will have to get used to being very invisible or learn to call attention to yourself. I am getting better at it but mostly I think I just disappear

So sorry to read this jantee. It's particularly galling when you and your husband spent years developing good skills to work with people and to see beyond the 'presenting problem'.
The two families I'm closest to who have ongoing or recent involvement with Macmillan nurses had opposite extremes in bad and good experiences.
I know all public service is under pressure but those in need of the service should not be aware of that in face to face contact.

Macmillan were absolutely useless when my husband was dying. My talk with the Macmillan nurse took place in the doorway of the ward and lasted all of three minutes. She didn't want to talk to my husband because he was "difficult". It's true he didn't tell her how wonderful she was.
The Macmillan benefits advisor told me I wasn't elegible for Carers allowance. It was the district nurse who told me that was wrong by which time I'd missed out on weeks of money.
When I see Macmillan fundraising it makes me so cross. It was Marie Curie who actually helped with nursing when I was desperate. In spite of their name Macmillan nurses don't do any nursing!

I guess with services stretched to their limit, the priority for Macmillan nurses is aiding families of people who are still alive, which is awful for those in your position, but it feels like the right priority...

I'm sorry to hear about the death of your husband, jantee. You must still be feeling very raw and it's no wonder you feel you are being ignored.

It is no excuse but, as Teetime said, all services are under extreme pressure nowadays. I hope you are feeling better today but please use GN to offload if it helps.

Thanks for your comforting words. I am not feeling angry, just so sad. my DH worked for the NHS for 30 years and I worked in child protection. We were both trained to look at and beyond the people we were dealing with in order to see underlying issues.
Sorry but I have no faith in Macmillan services where I live, having already had awful experiences with a hospital based Macmillan nurse who went off on personal leave and forgot to put her answerphone on divert!

Oh jantee
I'm so sorry. What an awful time you are having and you are totally justified to be angry. In fact I think you're doing pretty well not to be exploding at the way you've been treated. I wish I could offer some constructive advice but for now please know you are not invisible on here and I hope you recover from your fall soon.

I'm sorry about what happened jantee you must have been feeling rotten on both occasions. I'm not defending them but the services are under such pressure especially the Macmillan service I cant think that she was deliberately ignoring you - did she leave a phone number so that you could get in touch. As for the GP its like a patient conveyer belt in a GP surgery and I think that if you had brought it up you would have got his full attention - give him/her another chance to be the caring GP you deserve.
Anyway here is a hug from me to say your are not invisible we can all 'see' you and support you on here.