Depression In Retirement

Hello Sue. I went through exactly tbe same and compounded it all by moving to a new area whilst better half continued to work away Mon to Thurs. You have taken a brave step recognising it. You are now taking control.
I started volunteering and that has now led me to a fantastic paid (rubbish money but fab colleagues) part time job within the charity. Don't loose faith. Voluntary work can be so rewarding. I used to work in the prison service. I now work with clients who appreciate help, rather than eexpect it as a right.
I don't agree with a holiday. Nothing will have changed when you get back. I wish you were somewhere close to me and then we could get you on board here. Stay strong. You are doing the right thing.

Sue socks, the words that resonate with me are ‘lack purpose’. This is exactly how I feel, nobody listens to me about anything, I am just an old biddy who knows fuck all. Going on holiday on your own is ghastly, might as well spend time at home with nobody to talk to. Like you, little appeals to me groupwise, I do belong to a singing group who are all 30 years younger than me and absolutely fabulous. I find my own age group, 70’s boring as hell and if you have been teaching I guess you are used to young enquiring minds. Most schools need volunteers, maybe not the one you have been teaching in, or become a school gov. always in demand but I think you need to be with younger folk who have a more positive attitude and a zest for life. Personally, I think old age stinks, especially if you live alone.

Sue, it would also be worth seeing your GP if you haven't already done so, as if it's clinical depression you may need medical help, as well as the excellent advice offered above.

Imagine if you can, a scenario where life is suddenly limited by ill health; that helps you to focus on what you would regret not having seen/done. My recommendation is to find a sport , or dance or learn an instrument or travel. The focus on achieving these hopes may soon help you to forget what is probably a transitory depression and for you to regain control of your hopes and let go of your sense of loss.
I wish you much luck and look forward to hearing what it is you’ve always daydreamed about ! You’ve got Gnetters here to support you .

In my area they are always desperate for people to go to infant/ junior schools to help with reading. Many of the volunteers are WI ladies and I'm sure that someone with your skills and experience would be appreciated.
Have you looked at U3A? Maybe you could learn something new or even teach something on a social basis. I have to admit that sometimes I have no motivation at all but mostly I am enjoying retirement. Good luck x

You sound as though you retired too soon.
Teaching is a very structured environment, it is fulfilling, never dull but also quite restrictive, a life governed by timetables and targets and delivering other people's initiatives. It seems as though you immersed yourself in your career to the exclusion of all else, and without it your life is a void.
I am not one for joining things; I see nothing that interests me.
Well, it won't unless you try it.
There is a whole life out here open to the retired; so many organisations and opportunities, plus the time to do things, in the daylight.
Consider using your undoubted organisational skills; investigate U3A and consider offering to run a session yourself; join the local council, the parish hall committee, raise funds for local concerns, help out in a community library, offer IT skills, work for a political party or volunteer for a charity.
Most important of all, find something you enjoy and study it; (OU is brilliant); academic discipline focuses the mind wonderfully and gives you a reason to get up in the mornings, plus the terror of waiting for results takes your mind off all other problems.

It’s a transition sue and for many not an easy one. I stopped work two and a half years and and yes, I do still miss elements of a very people focused profession. Sometimes much of our self worth is tied up in positives from the workplace, a sense of competence that is hard to recapture..

We’re all different, what helps one does not help another. There are many suggestions here and I’m sure there will be more, some will resonate, many won’t. If I’m honest I can’t pinpoint what it was that made the change for me. It certainly isn’t household tasks which I have always disliked other than the garden which I love.

So, what do I do? I am involved in a little voluntary work, focus much more than I had space for previously on the community around me, go to events that interest me, walk, sit and watch the world go by, read, write, spend time with family, neighbours and friends, the occasional on line course, a regular few days away with the occasional ‘big’ holiday as funds permit. Nothing dramatic yet I realised recently I feel content. So, give it time, be open to opportunities and experiences, try things and walk away if they are not right for you. Don’t despair, early days yet, it’s deasonabke that such a big lifestyle transition takes time to feel comfortable.

Sorry, not sure where the part about your son came from, as you say that you have no children .

Apologies.

I can totally identify with your situation. I retired 3 years ago after 42 years full time working, latterly as an accountant in the public sector. I left for work at 6.30am not returning most days until after 6pm.
I was exhausted and highly stressed, and I now realise suffering from depression after losing my parents. I was totally ready, or so I thought, for retirement which I took voluntarily at 59.
Why then did I immediately feel lost and lonely and strangely guilty about not going to work every day? I really missed the routine of work and the company of colleagues for the first few years and also the sense of achievement work could bring.
Three years later and I feel totally different. It is wonderful to not be totally exhausted all the time and not having to contend with the irritating, trivial politics of work.
I feel far more in control of my life, being able to choose what to do every day, even if it Is nothing, and not having to struggle to work in the winter on freezing dark mornings.
Probably most importantly I have far more time to concentrate on my husband, family and friends.
I actually feel I can be myself for the first time in my adult life and not have to put on a daily front for work.
Be patient. It takes some of us a long time to adjust to such a huge change in lifestyle. I really hope you start to feel the benefits soon and enjoy the retirement you have worked so hard for.

It sounds as though you have had a lot on your plate, bad knee, waiting for Cancer results and the fall out with your son.
I’m sure that once you are able to get out and about with your DH things will start to look up, although it sounds as though you are still very active with Other things.
As my Mum would say “ you need a hobby”
Give it time.

What about taking a postgraduate qualification? That is what I am doing and I find it challenging and rewarding, as well as giving some structure and purpose to life. Government loans are available provided that you commence your course before your 60th birthday.

SueSocks, I have no real answers for you, just know that I feel as you do after 6 years of being retired. My DH and I both have found that since we are both in our early 70s no one is interested in giving us jobs as we are over-qualified for the jobs available in our area. We try to keep busy with gardening and other work on our property and doing a lot of reading. Traveling doesn't interest us too much. DH traveled extensively for work so getting on a plane doesn't thrill him. Says he will only travel First Class. Hah, like that's ever going to happen on our meager income!
The only thing I can say is try to keep as active as you can. Watching tv, etc.all day is a downward spiral. Would volunteering in a hospital or nursing home interest you? Perhaps you could read the newspaper to patients.
How about doing a family tree? When I sit down to do that the hours seem to fly by. Check on Future
Learn.com for the next 6 week course. I enjoyed it very much. More so just reading the comments from others taking the course.
Good luck to you in finding something to inspire you. There are many of us in the same boat?

Why not use your skills to help people who really need it - rather than going back to the sort of teaching you did before. My husband and I both teach at a local prison - he was an art master at a ritzy boy's school and now teaches art to the prisoners. He says he has never had such a rewarding job, all his pupils actually like coming to his class and they get so much out of it . He does too.

I teach literacy at the same prison - you'd be amazed at how many people in prison are illiterate. It is a big contributor to people becoming criminals. Teaching them to read and write is a big part of helping them to avoid crime in the future. And I get a huge amount of satisfaction in helping them to achieve their goals.

If you are looking for some satisfaction in life, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, try doing something for others. Holidays and book clubs are all very well , but helping others is a long-term cure for feeling depressed.

You’ve gone from a full-on teaching career to a completely different life style. Along with this goes a loss of colleagues, routine and status. It will take time to adjust.

Sit down. Think about what you want from life now. Draw up a plan and go for it.

What about going back to work in a temporary/supply capacity?.It would giveyou a focus and a sense of being needed/useful.My DH did this for 18 years after he retired
as deputy head of a large comprehensive and has only recently stopped.
Is there a nearby stately home where you could volunteer and use your teaching skills?

mumofmadboys is right it takes time to adjust to a new life style. Have you thought of getting a pet or helping with dog walking at a rescue centre. You would meet different people and get some exercise . When I lived alone and felt a bit down I would plan little treats for myself, a walk followed by a hot chocolate or a new book to read. Holidays are an idea but maybe just short breaks with an objective, art, walking, cookery weekends, again you would meet like minded people. Being retired can be a lot of fun, taking time to smell the roses. Enjoy.

Sue you sound as if you had a similar work background to myself. I think retirement needs a period of adjustment, it is hard to go from a full on, needed by everyone and in a prominent role type job to having loads of time.

You say you don’t join groups, I know what you mean, but I have got involved with two groups where there is a wide variety of ages and backgrounds. Rather than just joining things for retirees. Both groups raise money for charities and it is refreshing to meet with younger people.
Is there a course,( on line ) that you could do? I turned an interest, nothing to do with my past career, into a post graduate qualification that could have lead to a new career.

I’d suggest exploring your interests in all directions, (perhaps something you might have said to your students).
Good luck, you’ll find your niche.

I ve been on holiday on my own and it’s a bit lonely especially the mealtimes
I can understand where you are coming from I do lots of voluntary work to feel useful but there are still very many hours to fill and I still feel very out of my comfort zone and I ve been retired four years I would go back tomorrow if I could

I notice you have started two threads - one about wishing you had a better relationship with your sister. Perhaps the two problems are related. Now you have more time perhaps you brood more about your sister.
It takes time to adjust to retirement especially after a busy, rewarding job. Try and arrange one thing to do a day. Is your DH retired too? Keep making the effort with your sister perhaps phoning her once a fortnight but she is not likely to change if she has never been a thoughtful, caring sister. Maybe put more time and effort into enjoying the company of your friends. Let us know how things go.

I was going to suggest booking a few holidays so you have something to look forward to over the year. Do something completely different or go somewhere you'd not usually go to.
Come along to a GN meet up!

Perhaps try going on a holiday. You have indicated that you are financially in a position to do so and I think a holiday can lift spirits. If you haven't got anyone to go with, go on your own or perhaps on a holiday specifically designed for single people.

I realise you may think this is a very temporary fix but I think it might be a start.

Good luck.