self harming

I suppose in third world countries, adolescents have different problems Fennel.

kathsue don't blame yourself. I'm just beginning to realise the stress that adolescence had on me. Not my mother's fault.
I wonder if adolescents in other countries have the same problems?

My daughter self harmed for several years but tried to hide it.

A counsellor at the time said the cutting was equivalent to a man getting angry and smashing his fist into a wall. It releases the tension.

Her GP showed her where to cut so she wouldn't do any permanent damage. i.e. top of her arms rather than her wrists.

They weren't condoning what she did , they did try to help her stop but she needed to do it to release the anxiety and depression she was suffering.

GabriellaG.. It's not fair to blame the parents ... I would have done anything to help her, but I'll always feel like I failed her.

Polly - I recognise that picture of anorexia.
"she wanted to remain a child". I've heard that explanation too.
And it rings bells with me - I wore a too-small bra to flatten my bust. and a rollon to flatten my bottom.
I think this was my mother's idea though.

Sorry about typos!

I had a friend at school,in the 6th form, in the 1960s who I think had anorexia though I had never heard of it then. She was very attractive, academic and sporty and ended up being Head Girl. She was very keen on being fit which she took to extremes. I remember gping on a pucnic with her when she ate and apple and a few bits of salad and refused to share my fruitcake as it 'is bad for you' - I could not understand that at the time (being healthy and slim myself with a good appetite!) She gor thinner and thinner and her periods stopped -she told me she wanted to remain a child. She eventually was so ill she was off s hool and the doctor told her she would die if she didn5t eat. I was very worried. She must have recovered as she did come back to school and take her A levels then went off to do VSO somewhere (she was also keen to save the world.) I heard she met someone and got married but I lost touch with her.

My daughter self harmed, not a youngster, she did it because of her emotional pain , the pain of cuts eased the deep emotional pain

Young and older people who self harm don’t do it in the belief it will resolve their problems. They do it to release emotional pain.

Re Gabriella's post 18.51.41, I too cannot see why anyone would think that harming themselves solves any kind of problem. There has always been bullying and often cliques in the schoolyard but you don't go home and cut yourself. I agree.

With everything that's reported nowadays, it appears those who have experienced bullying of one sort or another particularly at school, are pretty much the norm.

By no means everyone feels the need to mutilate themselves. Muffin's experience at the hands of her mother is surely highly unusual and in such terrible circumstances, it is understandable that someone would continue to self harm. It would learned behaviour.

Muffin your experience was awful beyond words and you are so brave to come on here and put your point of view

Sorry, that should read "young children and teenagers". My DD was bullied from about the age of 7.

No-one needs to allow themselves to be bullied
Good grief, woman, you seriously think teenagers allow themselves to be bullied? I'll try telling my DD that it was all her fault that she suffered at the hands of bullies throughout her entire school career then, shall I? An experience that has coloured her whole life since. Words fail me

Muffin - I've just re-read your experiences. You've obviously had a very painful past. Can hardly believe how you survived it. But later, helpful therapy, so thankyou for posting such sensitive stuff.
In the hope that it will encourage others to come out into the open and make this issue less of a hidden topic.

GabriellaG - it's difficult to take you seriously. I'm sure your'e stable enough to take that criticism.
Of course people can 'stand up for themselves nowadays'. If you genuinely don't have any idea 'what causes those conditions', we're all wasting our breath in trying to help you understand.

Muffinthemoo
Good grief...your mum? Wow. How awful.

PECS
You're right. I don't understand why young people, in recent times more than ever, decide that mutilation solves problems.
Their mental health must be very fragile and self esteem non-existent which is why I wonder what causes those conditions.
No-one needs to allow themselves to be bullied
No-one needs to be on social media, if indeed being part of it is the problem.
Can no-one stand up for themselves nowadays?

GillT57

I'm sure that 'everyone' has no interest in my or my family's health and there are many like me and mine who have no issues regarding mental health.
I was airing a view that I can't see why some people think harming themselves, solves a problem.
I wonder what upbringing they have had, to attain that mental state, a state which steers them in the direction of mutilation.
If you have a stable home life, surely it doesn't enter your head to behave in that manner.
There has always been bullying and often cliques in the schoolyard but you don't go home and cut yourself.
The mindset is beyond me.

Social media (in my opinion) plays its part.
Has anyone looked on a 'Pro Ana' site?
I'm not even sure if they have been policed in some way recently, but they were all about anorexia, with thinly veiled or blatant tips and hints, along with photos of members bodies.

The surge in use if social media is playing a huge part in the anxiety, depression being experienced by young people. If there is any insecurity in their life this certainly increases the chance of it spiralling beyond control. Social media is used by a lot of the young to show off absolutely anything they think will impress about themself and of course deride anyone who doesn't conform to their ideas. Cyber bullying is rife. Best the young folk can do is withdrawn from using all social media and also only share mobile phone number with those they trust. Its a different world now for young folk but certainly not always better.

Gabriella whilst I am sure you are a no nonsense sort of person your apparent lack of empathy,or understanding that not everyone might be exactly like you, is why mental health has suffered in the closet for so long!

Sorry ,,been out and about... button fed.. she has a permanent opening and is fed via a tube into her stomach.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feeding_tube

Gabriella mine has been definitely put down to adverse early childhood experiences.

By the time I started it myself at four, mother had already been mutilating me with scissors and burning me for a couple years. There were also a number of questionable “accidents” I went to A&E for.

I don’t know how seniors coped with those kind of experiences. I only know how I coped with them. As I said, I won’t speak for anyone else.

I believe self-harming has become much more common than formerly. Sadly, my experience as a teacher leads me to believe that a quarter of all fourteen year old girls may very well be self-harming.

Certainly, in my schooldays it was unknown. Looking back, I think there was so much less privacy for teenage girls. Most of us shared a bedroom with a sister and most mothers (certainly mine did) asked why if one of us stayed in the bathroom longer than the time it took to use the toilet, take a bath etc.

I think it may have been around for a while as a terrible way for troubled teenagers to cope.
Around 40 years ago I worked in a psychiatric hospital and one of my last tasks before I went onto other work was to supervise bathing a young girl upon admission. She'd cut herself almost all over her body - arms, legs, torso and even her back. Her poor body was a complete network of old scarred lines. She'd largely stopped doing so but the scars were evident. I felt so sorry for her and wonder how she copes now. Cutting was barely heard of then but as we now discuss mental health more readily it's no longer a dirty secret which is swept under the carpet.
Teenage years can't help but be full of problems, 'Do I fit in? Am I pretty enough? Do I wear the right clothes? Am I popular?' Trivial to we older folk but massively important to the young. I suspect it always will be a problem time but at least we can talk about it now.

Mental health problems were rarely spoken of until relatively recently. Mental health problems were something families were ashamed of and no wonder when the finger of blame is so easily pointed at the parents or the self harmer.

Im still involved in some work with children who self harm by cutting, overdosing or with eating disorders. I share Gill57's dislike of the comments from Gabriella that show a total lack of empathy for those children, or the families who love them.

GabriellaG, I am sure we are all delighted that everything in your life, and your family's life is wonderful and nobody has any mental health problems. If only life was so simple for everyone. We cannot understand just what motivates one person to cut or self harm while another can shrug it off.