The Black Dog Gang

I would like to join in if that's OK. Like Rowantree, I have broken my wrist, which doesn't help, and am typing this with my 'wrong' hand, so apologies in advance for typos! I have had depression all my adult life on and off, including 3 months in a psychiatric hospital, and am struggling too with frustration and discomfort from my wrist, the sheer relentlessness of it, and the inordinate amount of darkness at this time of year. The main problem though is that 25 year old DD (who has MH issues, as does her estranged dad) has returned home after an abortive attempt to live away from home and is getting agoraphobic and talks endlessly about her mental state. It is really wearing me down, am depressed all the time, and wonder if the best I can hope for during the rest of my life is this dreary existence. Sorry that sounds so self-pitying - but it's true

I feel we should never have had a child as she has these genes from both sides, it was really unfair on her.

Sorry to hear you’re suffering again Rowan, but try to hang on to the fact that you’ve had surgery and enforced rest following surgery, and illness of any kind can and does often lead to feeling depressed again. And as Annie said, the anaesthetic can cause low feelings. We’re in the middle of the long, dark nights and the short, dark, damp days. As you recover physically and the days get brighter, you may find you’re feeling brighter too.

Rowan, I understand the fear of the depression returning. Also the guilt for feeling so bad. We must remember that it is ok to not be ok. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault that you are ill, it will pass. Xx

Rowantree, I am sorry you feel so low, the anaesthetic could have sent you down, it does have this affect . Many here to listen to you x

Anniebach it was on Saturday last.
I feel guilty feeling like this when i have so much to be grateful for but depression clouds gratitude and joy very effectively, damn it!

i do hope Batty returns.

Sorry you feel so bad Rowan. I can empathise with some of the feelings you have.

Rowntree May I ask when did you have the operation ?

I'd like to join.
I suffered badly from anxiety and depression for many years. Long story short, I emerged from that slowly with much help. Now I've had a bad fracture, operation to fix it, and my positive plans and decisions for this year have given way. Enforced rest and (albeit temporary) disability have resulted in me feeling old demons return and resurface: envy/jealousy of people in a better situation, exhaustion, lethargy, hopelessness and the rest. I worry this might be a relapse and hate feeling like this about people I like. I know it's old inadequacies re emerging but I never found ways of dealing with my demons. I sympathize with anyone with the Black Dog crushing their being. It's horrendous. Acknowledging ones feelings is a good start and a courageous step, so salutations and flowers asll round. I hope we all find comfort and peace of mind.

Hopefully she'll come back. BATTY!!
It would be a shame for this thread to fade away, so I shall update it.
I'm having a rotten time.
I don't think I'm particularly depressed, just having difficulties job wise, finding something that fits in with having a child and nobody to look after him.
Plus, not really feeling up to working but not having any bloody choice in the matter.

How difficult can it be?
All I need is regular hours that fit in with my circumstances..

Thanks for that, MissA*.
I hope Batty is ok. Perhaps a break from the cut and thrust of GN will be a good thing for her.
I’ve always enjoyed her open and frank comments without unnecessary waffle.

Oldbatty is gone! Her profile has disappeared, so I presume she has deleted her account.

Batty! Come back!

I have been taking anti depressants for a very long time. I have not felt this down or anxious for a long time.

I hope all posters who are feeling depressed have better days to come. I know this will pass, but it does not make me feel any better because I do not know how long it will last.

I have work tommorow and know for the sake of other people I must try my best to get through the day. Not easy though.

rafichagran.... sorry you're having a bad day. As you say, it will probably pass. I find I'm better when I have a reason to get up and do something - today was like that - I saw both sons, and my 2 GDs, and we had a lovely family day. After they all went (and it was just my husband and me), I felt a bit low again, so I put some cheerful music on - Chas and Dave, actually, and I've been singing to it .

I do whatever gets me through it... and I hope you feel better soon.

Hello Rafichagran, I am sorry you are having a bad day. How long have you been taking medication? I think we often feel as if we take one step forward and two steps back but we will get there eventually. Has anything particular triggered your low mood or is it just one of those rotten days?

The depression seemed a lot worse for me today. I feel very tearful and anxious.
I am coping but feel very tired. I lack energy and have no interest in anything.
I just wanted to write this down and say how I feel. I feel like taking a extra Citalapram but will not as I am hoping this will pass.
I am glad of this forum as I know I am not the only one who has these feelings

Thankyou *jack

Downtoearth Please don’t give up. I was in your position many years ago. We finally parted 6 years ago but remain friends. He is still my go to person when things get unbearable. You will get through it.
I got support from my two daughters and work colleagues. It was a horrible time but if you can get through a depressive episode you are strong enough to cope with anything.

Lynne59
January is always a bad month for me. I think the stress of Christmas and New Year has a lot to answer for. I’m beginning to think I’ve got a tummy bug but my Fear of the Fear always raises its head when I’m unwell.
Have picked up the granddaughters from school today. That has perked me up.

Namsnanny
The withdrawal symptoms I had when I stopped meds were severe nausea, vertigo, sweating and brain zaps.
If I just miss one dose I can get a headache and vivid dreams. Nothing worse.
When starting meds I get upset stomach and spaced out feeling, also drowsiness but unable to sleep at night. These side effects calm down after a fortnight. The only lasting effects seem to be dry mouth.

oldbatty. I think you’ve retreated for a while to take a wee rest from GN, but this is such a worthwhile thread, I do hope you return in time.

Acceptance is hard. We have to accept bereavement, no option. Depression, anxiety etc , we must keep hoping for and seeking help.

Namsnanny...with Mirtazapine, the side-effects I've had are;

drowsiness (that's to be expected, and I take it at night)

vivid dreams (I had that with Citalopram too)

increase in appetite for the first few weeks, so weight gain (that settled down)

I can't say I've noticed any other symptoms.

Depression and anxiety runs in my family sadly. A number of my relatives have suffered or do suffer depression, anxiety, or both, or other mental health issues. It’s worth thinking about your own families, you may see a link. I don’t think it makes any difference, it just puts it into context. Also many people with depression feel guilty, there’s no reason to feel guilty because it’s an illness, but if others in the family have suffered, then you see it’s just one of those things that runs in your family and you’re not to blame. But you’re not to blame if it doesn’t run in the family. It’s an illness, and it’s a horrible illness.

Jacksprat and Lynne59, What other unwanted symptoms do you experience from your meds.....if you don't mind saying?

They affect my white cell count, which results in bleeding and bruising easily. Plus I find they influence my levels of hunger. I get dizzy and have to suddenly eat something around an hour after taking tablet. So I try to have a yoghurt in the car to snack on, but if I forget I have hot flushes, weakness, agitation, and eventually when I do eat I have to lie down after for a while feeling exhausted!!

Wishing you all the best.

Hello everyone, I’ve only just found this thread. I’m so sorry so many of you are suffering depression, for whatever reason, or for no reason, just because. I’m on medication for depression, I don’t think I could manage without it. I’ve taken it for about 17 years, with just a short break after the first year. Then I had a serious illness and was hospitalised, and although I got better from the illness with treatment, the depression returned. So I now take my medication, and mostly it keeps me sane. Obviously there are hiccups, if anything happens that causes me stress, I get quite anxious and I feel the depressive symptoms start again in the morning times. I’m undergoing councelling at the moment, and my councellor is teaching me relaxation techniques that can be used when events start to make me anxious. It’s helpful, but I do need to practise.
To all of you who are feeling so low, hang on, take the medication, seek councelling, and never feel guilty. It’s an illness.