The Black Dog Gang

I haven't discussed my feelings with my family. Need to tell DH how I feel but although he is a kind and gentle man I am not sure how he will feel as his late Mother had depression for years.

There is absolutely no logic to depression, and I agree with Nonnie's comments totally. I think if there is a group discussion then those who participate should set some ground rules about what is acceptable and what is not. Once everyone agrees then a group is an excellent way to offload and realise that none of is going mad, depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and we're not the only one. Sometimes just offloading and knowing there is someone else out there who understands can be enough. People who have not had depression mostly don't understand even though they try.
Re Dr Cantopher's book, I've looked on Amazon and there is an updated book Overcoming Depression, published 2015 - can anyone say which of the two books would be the best to read please?
Sending everyone on this thread a gentle hug xx

Been off GN for a few days during which this thread has grown a lot. So many different stories and so many similar ones.

I echo what Oldbatty said about reading Depression, The Curse of the Strong by Consultant Psychiatrist Dr Tim Cantopher. He was my psychiatrist and helped me a lot when I was hospitalised. His book it well worth reading, especially by those who have feelings of guilt.

No point in telling ourselves all the good things we have, saying that what happened in our childhoods is over and gone because there is nothing logical about depression.

I don't know whether it would be helpful to join some sort of group discussion with other sufferers, would it just make some feel worse? Would it turn competitive - 'my depression is worse than yours' - 'I have suffered worse than you'? I don't know. I wish there was an answer.

I honestly think I am a positive thinker, always looking for the best in others, quick to thank, quick to praise and quick to offer a sympathetic ear. I never think there is anything medically wrong with me unless I have every possible sympton so why do I feel so bad?

Hello Sourcerer, so pleased that you have asked your gp for help. Don’t be too disappointed if the happy pills don’t work quickly, I have been on them this time for 7 weeks and I am only now beginning to feel a positive change, although on previous occasions I seem to remember feeling an improvement after a month. Apparently everyone is different.

Also, to Oldbatty. Really hope you are having a better day today. It seems that we take one step forward and three steps backwards with this wretched illness. We will get there in the end though I am sure.

Best wishes to everyone hope this is a good day for you all.

I should add that someone with severe depression may want to do something like painting when they are recovering. My daughter was very ill with it and found art helpful when she was at last able to lift her head off the pillow.

I think I have found a way to banish negative thinking. I've been reading free art lessons on Pinterest and I'm having a go at doing an abstract painting. So instead of lying awake telling myself off I think about what I'm going to do to the picture. It looks not too good at the moment but I'm going to paint over it and make another layer.
I realise that someone who has severe depression isn't going to want or be able to do things like this.

That's a good few positive things to come out of this thread, oldbatty, and good for you, sourcerer!

That’s good news Sourcerer, sometimes they start to work sooner than the two weeks, I wish you well

Just to say, as a result of these threads, I saw the doctor today.
He was wonderful empathetic and understanding, made it all worthwhile. I am now on 'happy pills'! although they take at least 2 weeks to work, it is the first step.
So thank you all for sharing and especially to you Oldbatty for having the courage to start this thread.

Hi ladies.
Did you know that the Samaritans have a text service for those who feel they can't talk to anyone.
You text whatever you want to say and they will reply by text.
07725 909090.

oldbatty may I say that you haven't provided me with a substitute but rather with the impetus to get on with it. Thank you. Hope you soon see past your present dilemma.

Thats so kind and a lovely Gran has reached out to me in a message.
Thanks both. I see now that this is in danger of becoming a substitute for real life and today I am going to take positive steps.

Oldbatty - you are such a warm and caring presence on here, and such an influence for good. Please don't feel defeated. Thinking of you.

After a dire day yesterday, I question how helpful this is to me. Its good to share but I would like to move forward in some way and I'm not sure this is the way.

I am retreating from real life.

Growing up in a family with zero tolerance for any sort of MH issues was a trial. Depression was simply self-indulgence and could be overcome by thinking Positive Thoughts. I suffered from low self-esteem, anxiety and depression from a very young age, as did my brother. Our over-bearing, emotionally and physically abusive mother was largely the problem, but there was definitely a genetic element involved in my father's family. I was not diagnosed until I was in my 50s - all that life wasted and given over to black clouds. Now my beautiful daughter has it, and I would give my eye-teeth to save her from the awfulness that was my real life. When I say "real-life", I mean that I have been a highly successful professional, with so much given to me in terms of blessings, and seem to have it all - but those dark, demon-ridden nights, the inability to get a perspective on life and the self-destructive behaviours have been an utter curse. My dear brother, the most intelligent and generous man I have ever known, died without ever having been able to reconcile himself with the rejection of our mother. I know I will never be entirely free despite the devotion of my lovely husband. Best wishes and thoughts to all of you who suffer in this awful way.

I'm exactly the same as b1zzle. What a relief to know that someone is the same as me. I thought it was just me. I'd like to join please. Depression and worse Anxiety since 1992. I've been taking Seroxat and Propanalol since that time. I keep it all to myself and have become an excellent actor.

Have been on all the same medication as NannyG4. Including Sertraline, but found it as useless as the others, so have come off them and back on Clomipramine, which seem to suit me better. I am certainly better than I used to be, but still get black dog days, especially when I am exhausted, or just overtired, I've tried to rest when I need it,
And give myself time. Will be interested to see what others do??

I wake up in the small hours and tell myself off for the things I’ve neglected,wrong things I’ve said etc

Oh I can spend hours during the night doing exactly the same farmgran.......and there’s so much of it, I can be awake for hours, the. I’m shattered when I have to go to work.

Thankyou oldbatty for starting this thread, it'll be a great place for people to write down their feelings and give tips on managing problems like no sleep etc. I've been on Citalopram for years. I'm lucky that my depression isn't the kind without an obvious cause, that must be the most difficult kind. Mine is caused by events and being totally trapped. If something nice comes along I cheer up! I wake in the small hours and tell myself off for things i've neglected, wrong things i've said etc.

katyk, not all GPs are the same. Another one might be more sympathetic. It's daft of the one you saw to say he/she doesn't give out pills - they work very well for some people. I have learned to control most of my anxiety as a result of falling into a stress management job 12 years ago. I have lots of techniques that help - breathing using the diaphragm is undoubtedly the very best one. I still have two things which press my buttons though, so I recently went on a 4 week course about managing anxiety,run by Mind. The main thing I took from that was to look at the things worrying me and decide if they are hypothetical (i.e. I can't do anything about them right now, even if I can sometime) or practical (i.e. I can do something about them now). If they're hypothetical (and in the middle of the night when you can't do anything about them, they are all hypothetical!) then park them, if they're practical write down every possible solution, even the daft ones, then eliminate all the solutions which aren't doable and find one that will help. This doesn't stop the worrying completely, but it helps it become more manageable. The breathing helps with both anxiety and depression, the hypothetical/practical scenario is more helpful for anxiety.

Can I join in too, I usually lurk but I recognised so many feelings on here. My method of coping is usually to go in the garden or greenhouse. I did try antidepressants after my son was born (45 years ago) but did not like the cotton wool feeling in my head. Everybody things I am fine. I think of my Mum and just do what she did put one step in front of the other, keep busy doing things.

Following on from my earlier post: Although I generally go to sleep very quickly I wake up in the small hours, go back to sleep for a little while then I'm often awake anytime from 3.00/4.30/5.00am onwards until the alarm goes at 6am. Almost every morning during that last hour or so I brood over everything, plan to walk away from my various groups and social interactions, get myself into a really deep hole. Then after getting up and having a cup of tea and emerging into 'the world' I usually manage to climb out of the hole and function fairly normally. Apart from DH and DD1 I don't think anyone would ever imagine how I often feel inside. One or two people have remarked on how cheerful I am.

I agree with KatyK I 'm afraid.
There was a lot of unhappiness when posters realised how public their thoughts and problems might become via FB and msm. I can't see how we'd keep control and I fear lots of potential posters will pull back and lose the chance to share.

I know anyone can look at this but I wouldn't like my posts going anywhere else in case anyone recognised me! No many people know about my anxiety struggles.

GransnetHQ, do you know a way to point our experience of this illness( with people’s permission of course) in the direction of those who might make use of it?