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Memory lapse, should I be worried?

(9 Posts)
grandtanteJE65 Wed 10-Oct-18 15:29:15

DH and I have just had a serious discussion during which he maintained that I had completely ignored his advice and refused to discuss a sensible proposition he made while we were buying our current house two years ago regarding financing it.

My problem: I have no recollection of the proposition he says he made or any discussion of the kind at the time he says he tried to discuss it with me. The details don't matter, it is the setup that worries me.

As far as I can see there are two possibilities here. Either I am having lapses where I either do not understand what is being said to me, or DH is "remembering" things that never happened!

I don't know which possibility scares me most!

Any insights are more than welcome - and please, I am not trying to shovel the blame onto DH.

Until yesterday, I would have said neither of us has difficulty remembering things and that yes, there are slight differences in the way we remember events, but nothing remotely like this.

HildaW Wed 10-Oct-18 16:05:27

My OH sometimes cannot remember reasonably interesting things we discussed a few years ago. However, I do not think he has forgotten anything we talked about that became a vital discussion. I too will think I've sometimes forgotten something that was raised a little while ago but once again they tend to be more minor matters - things that were not really that important to be truly filed away.
I do think the older we get the more 'selective' our memories become and misremembering is hardly a true indication of anything to worry about.
We saw a relative through vascular dementia and the tests were more about a list of everyday objects that needed to be recalled a few minutes later. Also we soon saw worrying signs such as forgetting a meal had been served or not knowing what time of day it was.

There is of course the classic domestic misdirection tactic used by some folks who do not want a dose of 'I told you so'....they just totally 'forget' what it was they insisted upon!
Dementia is more (in my narrow experience) about not being able to live in the real 'now' - they end up living in their own 'now'. All the best.

BlueBelle Wed 10-Oct-18 16:11:02

My daughter is always telling me she told me something which o have no recollection of I sometimes think it might be me not listening or her thinking she’s told me Not worth worrying about
While I can still do word games and win and while I can still remember about five phone numbers and my post code which half the people even young don’t seem able to do, I refuse to be bothered

Bagatelle Wed 10-Oct-18 16:34:03

This is something that I've noticed in people who live alone. I suspect that they go a long way down their own train of thought without interruption, and then have difficulty in distinguishing between what they imagined and what actually happened. My husband has this problem too, but it began with the stroke he suffered in August 2015.

notanan2 Wed 10-Oct-18 16:37:22

I think if you are forgetting EVENTS that would be a worry.

But people often remember conversations differently. He may not have suggested this thing as strongly as he now thinks he did.

I dont think you should worry. Its probably a communication thing. He might have talked AT you when you were distracted with something else etc.

If you forget DOING things...thats different.

Nannarose Wed 10-Oct-18 16:48:46

I think that in anything as complex as financing a house purchase, there are discussions that are forgotten, or remembered differently. We built our own house, and this has happened several times when we are going back to decisions we made.

For instance: Your DH had looked quite carefully at borrowing £x from Toytown Bank, whilst you had been researching Ballymory Building Society. You had not thought much of Toytown at first glance, but agreed to to consider it. When you sat down together, it was quite obvious that the Ballymory deal was much better.
I think it quite likely that your DH would remember the time & effort he put in, whilst it had gone in and out of your brain quite quickly.

M0nica Wed 10-Oct-18 17:00:01

Not remembering something that happened 2 years ago is not a sign of incipient dementia. Had you had a long discussion that morning and had no recollection later in the day, that could possibly be a sign.

My DC and DH now and again refer casually to events that happened some years ago that I have absolutely have no memory of and I do the same to them.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 11-Oct-18 11:48:53

Thank you all so much, I did wonder if I was making a mountain out of a molehill, and that seems to be your opinions.

I think if the incident had been anything less important than about financing our present house, I would probably not worried about it, but it just seem a rather big thing to have no recollection of,

M0nica Thu 11-Oct-18 21:14:55

grandtante, when my sister died in a road accident, I was particularly sad because, although we had a meeting coming up, I hadn't seen her for over three months.

Some years later I found some letters I had written to DH, who had, just before her death, spent 6 weeks working in Japan (before mobile phones and email) . In one letter I describe us having a brief meeting at a relatives house only three weeks before her death. She was on her way somewhere else, stopped in passing, stayed a couple of hours and then left.

To this day I cannot remember this visit although, with the evidence of the letter and corroborative detail from my relatives and others, I can recreate it. I was 47 at the time.

I am nearly 30 years older and my memory is as good as anyone of my age. So, yes, it is possible to lose all memories of quite significant events.