Husbands dementia

forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/welcome-and-how-to-use-talking-point.32/

Above the link to the Talking point forum

In England the diagnosing doctor now informs the DVLA who might ask for an opinion from the gp. It is not always the case that the licence is removed. If the licence is withdrawn it is possible to appeal and have a retest.

I volunteer for the Alzheimer's Society and help run Carers courses. These run over 6 weeks and give coping strategies, benefits advice, legal advice and an opportunity to meet people in a similar position to yourself.

I, naturally, echo Granny23's advice especially the Talking Point forum.

You will not get the most relevant advice on Gransnet best to go to The Alzheimer's web site. They have fact sheets on everything you need/will need to know. Sign up to their 'Talking Point' Forum where there is superb support from people with dementia and their carers. You will see that everyone on the site recommends getting POA as soon as possible as once the person has a formal diagnosis they may be deemed to have lost 'capacity' to understand and sign the documents. We both did POA at the same time, DH's appoints me, whom failing our two DDs jointly and mine appoints just the 2DDs. If your DH is or will soon be unable to administer your affairs then it is important that you appoint someone you trust to take over if you are suddenly unable to. (probably/hopefully won't be needed but good for piece of mind to know it is there.)

Do not expect a formal diagnosis after one visit to the Memory Clinic - it was a couple of years before we got any further than MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment). To be truthful the final diagnosis of Frontal Temporal Dementia with Alzheimer's was neither here nor there, as there is no treatment for any kind of Dementia and the symptoms and effects vary so much for every individual. A diagnosis is however the gateway to benefits such as Attendance Allowance or a Blue Badge for the car. On the Downside a diagnosis must be notified to Car Insurance and DVLA and your DH would probably have to return his Driving Licence. The usual quote is If you have seen one person with Dementia, you have seen one person with Dementia

As to the Bank Accounts question, I was advised to leave the Joint Accounts as joint so that I could operate them and to open one in my own name to have my own separate savings, so that they would not be reduced by half every time there was a financial assessment, for eg Respite or Care Home Fees.

Having said that you should go to the experts on Talking Point, I have now jumped in with my own points. Sorry. I hope that the diagnosis is other than Dementia and is rather something treatable. If this is the start of a dementia journey for BOTH of you than there is wonderful support available via Talking Point.

Yes please get it sorted before any diagnosis.
My H was ,like your H , 90% for a few years and we mamaged fine at home, he recently had a stroke and has been in care for 6 weeks now.
I know just how you are feeling and I wish you well.
Just live in the present and enjoy what you can, there is life after diagnosis. It is a different life but can still be a good one.

If he gets a diagnosis of dementia please contact the Alzheimer's Society- the help is brilliant.

Your joint account could be frozen if the bank become aware that your DH has a dementia diagnosis. There could be implications in having joint accounts and also how your property is held later on if you need to pay for care.

Your husband will not suddenly lose capacity just because he has a dementia diagnosis but a POA is a good idea for all of us.

If you live in Englamd I would advise you to obtain PoA or at least get some legal advice as a precaution because if the bank learns that one joint a/c holder loses capacity they can indeed freeze the joint a/c. When my father lost capacity he didn't go into a nursing home and my mother continued to use their joint a/c until he died without informing the bank. When my Hs mother developed dementia she didn't have PoA and all her affairs had to be managed by the Court of Protection, an extremely expensive and lengthy procedure. Close relatives were helpless to do anything because when well she wouldn't agree to PoA.

It is totally necessary between husband and wife even with joint accounts especially with dementia in the future. One can then prevent irrational financial decisions and falling prey to scams etc. Equally POA for health is a good idea, you can discuss what would be wanted whilst your partner is able to make his wishes known and then you are able to implement his wishes in the future eg with regard to DNACPR

Elenka Just to add to my previous post - make sure that you go for Lasting PoA, not just PoA.

Elena I’m very sorry you have this worry, but if your husband is still 90% the man you knew, you’re perhaps quite a long way off thinking about residential care. AgeUK or Citizens Advice would be able to advise you about funding, if it did become necessary.
I’m not sure Power of Attorney is necessary between husbands and wives, my advice would be to see a solicitor - many do a half-hour consultation without charge - and ask if there are any particular benefits in your situation. I think your friend is right, that it would need to be done while your DH is still competent, but I question whether you actually need one.

I agree that there is no question of freezing bank accounts if someone goes into a home.

Working together to both set up powers of attorney is the way forward. Sensitive and difficult I know but you have no idea what a difference that makes in some situations.

I am sorry that your OH seems to be having problems. I do think it would be wise to set up the powers of attorney for both of you whilst you are awaiting the appointment at the memory clinic, as he has no diagnosis at this point that might call into question his fitness to sign these papers.

I am wondering if others reading this who have not set up these powers might feel that they should strike now before illness supervenes. It would be a wise thing to do.

Elenkalubleton - what a worrying time for you.

I would certainly recommend that he should do a Power of Attorney so that you can make decisions if he can't.
This is something that everyone should do - not a "last resort" but a sensible thing to do.

It might be a sensitive issue but if he is going to the memory clinic he must be aware that there is a problem.

I'd suggest that you should get the forms for him to fill in, or make an appointment with a solicitor to do the forms, and simply say that "none of us is getting any younger - we really should get these things attended to now". He doesn't have to be 100% perfect for the POW to be valid - he just needs to be able to understand what he is signing.
Don't let him put you off - people with early dementia can be very difficult , but you need to be firm. A POW is like a life preserver for you - it will make life so much easier for you if and when the worst happens.

There are medications which can slow down the progress of dementia, but there are several types of this disease and the medications are not for everyone. Be guided by your doctor on this question.

The bank doesn't freeze your account if he goes into a home - but obviously things will change and you would be well advised to educate yourself on the repercussions of living with someone with dementia. Dementia UK is very good at helping families to understand what is happening. Good luck.

Can you suggest it as something to have in place for both of you as you never know what’s around the corner? Me and my husband have it set up and we’re in our 50s. In my job as a paramedic I’ve seen too many people my age have strokes, serious accidents etc. and sorting finances if one of you is unable to make decisions, even if only temporarily, is the last thing you need.
It doesn’t need to be activated or used instantly it’s just there in case.

‘Lasting’ not lastin ?

Elenka I’m so sorry to read about your DH. Do try to get Lastin Power of Attorney set up for both finance and health. Without them, you may hit all sorts of difficulties. If your DH is reluctant, then perhaps you could suggest that you both do it to soften the blow.

I am sure a joint account will not be frozen. Does he have his own accounts too? If he does a POA will be useful for those. Maybe just wait for a suitable moment to come up and mention it to him then.