Black dog gang

hello to the newbies and welcome xx Long post alert.. I am so sorry to all of you affected by suicide. I am a person who has attempted a few times. Its definitely a case of no longer wishing to live not of wanting to die. My depression stems from abuse as a child. I believe that i do not deserve to live. I am not good enough to live and i have nothing to offer. I have felt this way for oooo ummm 40 years. Its odd the affect it has on me. If i laugh with people i get so cross with myself as i believe that i am too ugly to laugh and not worthy to laugh. I really dont know how i,ve stayed married for 30 years. I truly believe he doesnt love me as i am not worthy to be loved. I do not deserved to be loved. I am far away from family in a little village with no friends I only truly love my kids and my animals with all i have. At my age i doubt things will ever change for me.

Hi Nonnie I have B12 deficiency ( pernicious anaemia) have done for 20 years plus. I have health anxiety and depression, I have been told and believe it does hand in hand with B12.. my GP does not seem to be up on B 12 they just say get on with it..

Oh that's very good. For him and for you.

Thank you for your thoughts and good wishes. It helps just to know this forum is here. He has been weeding my allotment today which is a first!

Hallo aquagran. I’m sure you are not a miserable old bat. I have been taking mirtazepine for the last four weeks, as I was very anxious. It has worked a treat. I am almost back to my normal self, with the lust for life that I used to have. Am crossing my fingers that it lasts. Perhaps you could change medication, or reduce dose. Just a thought, I am no authority. Luv M

J4n52 I think it is so hard for those who love someone suffering from this illness. You want to say and do the right thing but don't know what it is. Do you smother them with love, do you try to make them talk about it, do you pretend nothing is wrong? I have no answer for you, I suppose it is down to individuals but I can see how hard it is for you.

Welcome aquagran. I wonder if it is the illness which is at fault rather than the medication? When I was in an even worse state than I am now, in hospital and on suicide watch I couldn't feel anything at all, not up nor down. Everything was nothing. My Consultant said that if I won the lottery I wouldn't feel anything. I couldn't even cry. In one of the group meetings a young girl seemed to think it was a competition and was very rude to me because she felt my illness wasn't as bad as hers and she swore at me. I felt nothing, I simply got up and calmly walked out.

I must be improved now because I can cry and do feel things. I see others who do get better but my GP thinks I will be on meds the rest of my life. I research for a logical reason, a physical reason I can't sleep, for something missing in my diet. Today I read that as we get older our body doesn't process vitamin B as well as it used to and apparently that can help and has no side effects. I've been taking it for a couple of years as it is supposed to stop insect bites. They do still bite me but the bites no longer swell up and are not so itchy. Also curcumin is supposed to help but it needs to be one that includes black pepper to be effective. I'll try pretty much anything which has no side effect.

Welcome aquagran. we have a lovely group hear always ready to listen.. just reading hear helps me.

Thank you Anniebach, will definitely stay.

Yes, there is help, don’t loose hope.

J4n52 When my brother died it was the 1970s and there was no help available. It's different now. Please take heart that your son will be helped.

Welcome aquavran someone will know about effects of medication, stay with us x

I too am eligible for membership of the Black Dog Gang, and have been taking Fluoxetine for many years, primarily for anxiety. I apologise if my question has been answered in previous posts...I have not read them all! Although medication knocks the edges off my worries, It also seems to limit any feelings of elation or excitement. Do other posters find this, or am I just a miserable old bat?

I feel so sorry for you * J4n52 *. Young men can have a very hard time in life, and it's always hard on their mothers too. Can't really give you any advice. Just hold on and always be there for him. Good that he is under the doctor for his depression. I do wish him, and you, the very best.

I lived with the fear every day for ten years, my darling daughter self harmed , made several suicide attempts , my three sisters stopped speaking to me because I told them to stop judging my girl, she was ill. 15 months ago at 5 in the morning she jumped from the bridge into the river, since then i have gone to bits. I had moved house to be near her just months before.

When will people realise mental illness is an illness not a life style choice. Little wonder men avoid seeking help. We seem to be still in the days of ‘pull yourself together’ the way some think and talk.

My son is suffering from depression. He has just had another major meltdown and told the doctor he thinks about hanging himself. They have changed his medication.
I try to just be there for him and be non-judgemental.
I am careful not to say anything that may be trite.
I feel helpless and afraid.

Thanks all for the support.

KatyK suicide imo is quite complex. I have heard it described as selfish but I don't see it that way. I think some people have so much they cannot deal with that they just want to stop living rather than to die. I hope that makes sense.

Would positive thinking cure cancer or any illness? So why do some think it will cure this illness? CBT didn't help me look at things in a different way because they were trying to make me look at what had happened in a different way. It happened, it was factual, how could I look at it in a different way?

I still get flashbacks but it is not so bad since something much worse happened to me when I lost my son. Now every time I see members of the family I wonder if it will be the last time I see them. At night if I can't hear DH I have to touch him to see if he is still breathing. If he has been in his study too long I have to call out to see if he is OK. Yes, I'm sure you will all understand why I react in this way but I wish it didn't, it takes over my life. It all feels like a pointless cycle.

Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. It killed my brother. To those dismissing it, please think of those people, families and statistics.

I want to kindly go back to yogadatti. I do understand where you are coming from. It is most likely situational depression you have similar to what l have myself. The cards do not always fall right for us in life. What l would say to you yogadatti is what l would say to myself and that is to try and find pleasure in nature, music, art and maybe some good people you may have in your life. Try and love the moments between the bad thoughts. Hope this helps and l send my best to you because l know it is not an easy path. Dawn x

Thank you dragonfly46

I am sorry your illness has brought you here Sparkly I hope we can give you some comfort.

I second all that Annie and Dawn has said.

Thank you for the welcome Anniebach x

Hello Sparkly do join us, a little disturbance here this morning sorry but you will find we are all here to listen and share .

Stay with us x

Grandmain
I second what you say about rosecarmel.
Enough said rosecarmel, we are people of the finest sensitivities here and your comments could be construed as upsetting and off putting. Anything to do with mental health needs to be considered a safe environment if people are to really share.
Even now for your own sake get your teeth into other threads where you can go all out with every opinion under the sun and leave us in peace.
Dawn.

I have just found this thread. Badly depressed and it’s been like that since about October. Chronic illness the cause.

Hello everyone xx

To all friends , forgive me for speaking for all.

There has never been unpleasantness in The Black Dog Gang, I pray it will continue to be so.