In these circumstances, I agree with aggie that all that was required was that the person making the request tell their doctor and ask for it to be placed in the notes.
You are all in a difficult situation, but you were all caught out and the original request was probably made to you because you are trusted by someone who felt unable to get a solicitor - or even the Citizen's Advice people - to help with this matter (and probably didn't feel physically up to it).
My dad left written instructions to us for just about everything and we were glad of them. The only problem came with some unwritten things he had mentioned to one person, but not to others, so I'm all for having things written down (and shown to everyone in advance) if you have the courage to do so. It can be quite upsetting.
I have to make similar arrangements to those of your friend in case my husband dies first. I have to choose who, in the family, would best reflect my own wishes if I become incapable of dealing with my care etc.
I am so sorry for all of you because the decision and the follow-up letters/communication are all being done under time pressure and concern for someone who is seriously ill.
Added to that is the fact that families always have pressures and histories the rest of us cannot know. In this case, a neutral person would have been a better choice for the original letter.
I do hope you can find a way that causes the least hurt to all.