Can I just share a secret with you all please?

What a great update. Sending you love and best wishes ???

What a boring man! He possibly needs some simple handwork put right into his hands with a request to do it. E.g. jigsaw puzzles on a large tray in front of the telly.

The idea is to provide an occupation that he can do while you are out.

Silver to polish.

A simple seam to sew no matter if it's an untidy result. He might graduate to lazy daisies or chian stitch on a pillow case if you teach him.

Give him lists to make e.g. dog breeds, native trees, country towns, woodworking tools , vintage cars.

Ask him to look up Rightmove and select nice houses to live in and be able to say why he likes them.

Can he drive? Give him a shopping list. Ask him to visit the local Probus group.

You have a right handful there!

So pleased you got back to us Ella ?? Hope you enjoy your ceramics and volunteering. Have a great time.

Dear Ella, that is amazing. You have very right to be very very proud of yourself. I'm in a similar situation with a husband that has no interests outside the home, so I took on a part time job which keeps me sane, well, ish........

Well done! Have been trying to stop smoking for years but fail miserably every time so am in awe of you doing both.
Have a husband similar to yours. Won't go anywhere or do anything without me. Prefers TV & internet.
My children & grandchildren (this is my 2nd marriage, so the children are his step- children) live between 60 & 160 miles away & visiting them takes some time. There was no way I was going to miss out on seeing them. Also, as a single mother, I spent most of my life doing things for others so retirement for me meant doing things for me.
At first, I would ask 'permission' to go & do things like see my children & like you, had to endure an atmosphere when I got home.
Finally, I bit the bullet. I explained everything I've already said above, said I love doing things together but that I need to do some things on my own & that I was going to do them.
It took a little time for him to get used to the new situation but finally he's ok. In fact, I think he rather likes having the house to himself to do things like play his music at full blast!

.*EllaKeat - you can do this! ✊

Send me a p.m if you need encouraging words.

Just found your thread Ella so well done you!

Thanks for the update, it's always nice when people come back and let us all know how they are doing.

Gransnet at it's best!

Keep it up

I promised to update, so here I am ?
Today I enrolled on a ceramics course and volunteered at a foodbank!

I still have not had a drink (although i could have sank a glass of wine last night when grandchild went home)!

I really do want to thank each and every one of you for your incredibly supportive posts. I read and reread them last night and they gave me the kick to keep ploughing on.

I dont want to make a whole additional thread about this, but i need to do things without taking DH along for my own sanity. A friend once said 'he sucked the joy out of a balloon' and I have to agree. All he does is find the negative in everything, so having him alongside would just ruin the experience for me.
Just wanted to say that because I want you to know that I am not ignoring advice to get him involved too lightly.

I feel so much lighter somehow, and it is thanks to you all in no small part. Just feeling obliged to report back when I said I would gave me the kick up the bum to actually get on with it?

I feel so much lighter somehow.

Wow Ella, well done.

things, not Ines!

Very well done, Ella. I've been off line for a few days so missed your post.
You have shown such determination and will power. Retirement is another phase of our lives, and something to adjust to. Not everyone finds it easy. You are wise to be seeking other interests, and I think Bradford lass has posted some very sensible thoughts on what you could say to your husband, as it sounds as if he is probably finding retirement difficult too, and sees it as something you do together as if stuck by glue. This, of course, as you recognise, is not healthy, and you both need time to yourselves, with different interests as well as Ines you can pursue together, as this in itself will mean you both have interesting things to share with each other when you are both in.
The U3A seems a good idea, plus there might be a women's Institute (or similar) near by, a knit and natter group, or something advertised in the library, such as a local walking group or the Ramblers Association. Perhaps there are some RSPB sites nearby, or National Trust/English heritage properties and gardens to visit. These places are also often looking for volunteers. There are also some very interesting short courses, which are free unless you wish to purchase certificates, from Futurelearn, which is an online MOOC, connected to the OU, but offered by universities and colleges world wide.
Sorry if I've repeated much of what has already been said, but I've not read every post.
Well done on your achievements so far, and good luck for the future.

Well done!

how about a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake instead of vodka. drink seriously damages your liver....try going for a walk instead of a drink....

Well done you. Dry January is a charity with an app and website that has good hints and tips for keeping dry and it’s not just for January.

Well done Ella, keep up the good work. There is an on-line site, Soberistas, which you can join if you feel you need some support. Good luck with everything

Good to hear you've conquered the drinking, do keep it up.

Look for your nearest National Trust and start volunteering. Lots of new friends, interesting work, learn such a lot, have fun. Join a book club (local library), social club, anything that interests you.

Enjoy yourself.

Firstly, well done Ella you should be very proud. Secondly, while I appreciate you need some time apart, could your husband not do U3A or volunteering with you. Maybe that would give him something else to do and with a different mix of people? Perhaps you’ve thought about it and rejected it. Just thought it might be a starting point! Whatever you decide, come back to us after Thursday and let us know whether it is U3A or volunteering, or dare I say it both! Good luck.

Well done. I am impressed,

Fantastic Ella you should be really proud to have shifted your life emphasis.

lmm6 I am sorry you are not feeling worth much at present. Please do make a list of things you might do to feel more validated, and then take positive steps to make a difference.

Wishing everyone a better day today and onwards.

BradfordLass72, you are so right when you say how easy it is to drift into "inertia and depression". This has happened to me. I enjoyed the structure of a working life and now, even though I have family, I often feel worthless. I do drink a bit to make myself feel better. It is easy to do and I can see why it happens. I often feel lonely too.

Well done EllaKeat, don’t know what to suggest about your DH. Is there an older persons day centre near you at all?

You could justify it by saying you need time on your own at home. Don’t have to be ill to go to an older persons day centre.

Good on you Ella Keep going well. We are all with you. ?

Well done for giving up both fags and booze! I’m very impressed.

Well done Ella you should be very proud of yourself. Do you have any Charity shops near where you live as they always want volunteers you can pick your days and hours to suit and it is a great way of meeting people or just having someone to talk to.

Well done u wish u all the luck in the future