Black Dog Gang 4

Hi all hope You are all doing ok ...

Would like to welcome Sillygran this is a lovely friendly place to come to talk/ get support..
Hello Annie. and friends , just to let let know why I have not been around, have been in hospital with something called,
Gilliam’s Barre Syndrome. Had to have a lumber puncher, MRI scan and more bloods than I had I think..
I thank the Lord for looking after me.. I am now slowly getting back on my feet with help but still getting there.. will try and catch up with all that has been happening now god bless every

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Oh thank you Annie that’s kind.

I loved Rebecca. A wonderful book. What a lovely memory about you and your mother.
Hope you enjoy tonight’s chapters. ? x

Doodle I listened to Rebecca and was 14 again, my mother and I taking in it in turns to read a chapter, felt so cosy.

Forget what was said, I don’t know anyone on this forum more
caring than you .

I award you a ?

Hi annie. Thank you for the hug on the other thread. Strange behaviour from some people. No need for rudeness in my opinion.
No I know what you mean about the weight of books. I have a sort of bean bag contraption that I can rest a book on which takes most of the weight so not too bad. I like audio books too. Something about snuggling down in bed and having someone read you a story. I was sitting reading this afternoon when an a huge thunderstorm started with a Big Bang (I have typed this three times now and it autocorrects to capital letters every time) It was so loud I almost jumped out of my skin. Torrential rain for about 5 minutes then it suddenly stopped and all was quiet again.
Hope everyone is ok.
Enjoy your bookannie and sleep well x

Hi all x

Doodle I listen to an Audio book when I go to bed, couldn’t
hold a book.

I hope you manage to sleep tonight too annie. I am going to bed soon to try and read for a while. It’s a heavy book so my hands might give up before I fall asleep ?
Sleep well all x

Hi all x

How are things ?

After three nights of little sleep I slept most of this afternoon !

You all help me Doodle x

You help us annie and we are grateful x

Hi all x *

Sillygrandma it is difficult to accept help for some. I am learning to, have 4 siblings, being the eldest I supported them.
then widowed young I had no choice but to be strong . Then was carer for both parents. Following this my darling elder daughter was so ill so I cared for my grandchildren.

Now age , arthritis and the wretched agoraphobia means I cannot do all I would like to, do it’s acceptance isn’t it ?

Hope everyone is coping x

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Thank you eilyan oh yes Mass, I so hope so

Thank you Annie once again for your usual kind and thoughtful post. And from another thread - maybe next year for Mass?

annie so pleased you had a wonderful few days with your daughter xxx I hope you are ok.

Namsnanny thank you for your kind words..i totally understand your feelings, depression is a horrible thing it robs us of so much.

doodle as always thank you too xx

I quite often buy food for people. I bought a warm hot chocolate and a sandwich and a cake for a young lady selling the big issue a few weeks ago.

As for tank. he will never be far from my mind. I am devastated (forever broken) and i am angry. Angry another person has done this to me and disappointed in myself that i havent found him. I feel i need to knock on doors 24/7 in the closest large town to me 2 miles away all 150k of them doors but where do i start. is he even there. why do i not "know" where he is why cant i sense or feel where he is. why cant i just reconcile that if hes been taken he is wanted and loved..i just dont know.

Sorry to bore you of my same old same old woes. I appreciate all of you and the thoughts and time you take to reply to me. I hope and pray that the next days and years in your lives are good to you all and that you all have joy xxx

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Thank you Doodle

I know I bang on about Spring and gardens but I truly believe.

MIND recently said gardening helps suffers of depression. Our local MIND has a gardening group, they have an allotment, work in the National Park clearing hedgerows etc,
one of the group was interviewed on BBC Wales, he said since
he had joined the gardening group his depression had improved.

Even Wordsworth wrote of it (yes poetry again ?)

‘I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud’. - Daffodils did it for him

annie that was lovely. I love snowdrops too so tiny and fragile. I think you are right about the time of year.
Hope everyone has a better day today.

Yes do plant snowdrops Dawn I know I bang on about Spring but for me Spring means renewal, a new beginning, I really have a problem with January , S.A.D. snow etc , so I think of Spring , bulbs blooming, Easter, gardens coming into
colour .

I have turned a corner of my living room into an indoor garden, I had to accept the arthritis meant I couldn’t work in the garden so I brought a garden indoors

Annie
Thank you for helpful and hopeful and kind sharing. I must try and plant some new snow drops over Christmas time.
Dawn xx

Hi all x

Welcome Sillygrandma so sorry you are struggling with depression. You are grieving and have been through all the heartbreak a separation brings. Adjusting to living alone is so hard . We are all here to listen,understand and share, we all know the struggle with depression so you are not alone , you can share here and know we all care.

A thought for all of us - I have been with The Black Dog thread since Batty started it, this is the 5th thread. These winter months certainly feed depression , dark days, foul weather, the stress of Christmas, the flatness of January.

It will pass and Spring will come . This will sound trivial but I would like to share with you all.

Many years ago my husband died in a car crash, I was a young widow with two daughters age 5 and 7. I was distraught , we had to move out of the police house, very stressful. A year later
I was admitted to a psychiatric unit, depression, eating disorder (I just couldn’t eat), anxiety etc.

It was January ! A friend visited me, it was snowing, I am so fearful of snow, on his way to visit me he remembered he had seen some snowdrops in a hedgerow, he dug under the snow, found the snowdrops and gave them to me.

I lay in the hospital bed , looked at the snow outside then looked at the snowdrops, so small, so delicate, I thought if they
can survived so can I. Yes I accept the the thought of snowdrops when we are very depressed seems trivial but if little snowdrops can survive so can we.

Sillygrandma5GK …. So sorry to be talking about myself, I didn't see your post until after.

Oh how I empathise with your description of turbulent thoughts and crying constantly.

I can see you must be grieving for the marriage you've just left.
Presumably you have been caught up in all the practical arrangements of divorce and/or moving house.
These are very big changes and I assume will have kept you from thinking too much.
Now your coping with your thoughts by yourself on your own.
If keeping busy is helping you then although it feels a bit frenetic maybe you should just go with your instincts?

I can definitely identify with feeling angry. Such a strong visceral emotion, and so difficult to deal with.

It is sad and shocking, but you have already said you still feel it was the right decision, so try to keep saying to yourself it was for the best.
You've gone through the worst of it. and you are now on a new path, a better one for you.

When you say 'wing it with your friends' I suppose you mean keeping a stiff upper lip and not moaning to them about your troubles.
But would one of them be close enough to you, for you to be able to explain how adapting to your new life is causing you some emotional turbulence?

I'm very glad you posted.

If you can concentrate and I know its difficult, you may find some strategies on here suggested by others that will help you.

But most of all, people will be sympathetic and understanding.

I hope you sleep well tonight

Thank you Doodle.. Its very true others have suffered and survived. I've done as you advised, and given any craft or things that I do to push the black dog away, a swerve, and just concentrated on the necessities today.
Managed to keep my self awake until now, so I may sleep better.
Its always a problem when I get a migraine headache as all I want to do is lie down and sleep it off.
But by taking a high dose ibuprofen on time it stemmed it.
That in its self is positive, as I seem to have a block that stops me looking after myself.

Thanks for chipping in and posting, it's certainly helped. .

Dawn .. I haven't heard of Eckhart Toll before I'll look it up. Thanks.

Wishing everyone a restful night .

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Hello annie I’m ok ish (as usual). Worried a bit about some things and hopeful about others.
How are you? Hope you had a good time with your daughter.
Off to church tomorrow. Went to a Christmas festival last weekend which was nice.
I will make sure to say a prayer for you (us) all.
Take care all x