Black Dog Gang 4

Nonnie I watched the remembrance always makes me cry. my son was in the armed forces, he came home some off his friends were not so lucky. I cry for there mums. Sad day but we need to remember..

Annie you are so right we should never compare ourselves, always give good advice.

I remember that guilty feeling when we had to put my dear father-in-law in a nursing home, we had no choice in it, but that feeling of guilt is so so bad.. it broke our hearts we would have done anything to keep him at home sometimes it just gets took out of our hands...

Comparing ourselves with others isn’t good for us, when we do it we always come off with lower self esteem because we choose to compare ourselves with someone we think has ‘got things right’ . We have no idea what their thoughts are in the night, what their hopes are, they may even be comparing themselves with someone else.

Hope this makes sense x

Nonnie
Thank you for the tip about the Radio 4 play at 14.15 daily. Always useful to hear about anything distracting. I am often on the lookout for same.

Annie good advice also not to compare, it is a bit of a modern day malaise. It gets me nowhere but l am prone to it.

Dawn xx

lucky good for you knowing when you needed to reach out and doing it.

I think a problem with being a mum/carer is that we feel we should be able to cope with everything and make it better. After years of doing so it is hard to accept there are things we cannot fix. We should be able to let it go but it is too hard for some of us.

Hi all x

Luckygirl glad you found support from the Samaritans and thank you for the reminder.

May I add, I worked for Sams for a number of years, there is nothing the volunteer hasn’t heard before and nothing one may think is too trivial or too heavy for them.

luckygirl how kind of you to think of others when you have such a worrying time yourself. I am glad the Samaritans were able to give you some comfort.
I think all those who find themselves at a point where they can no longer care for a loved one at home go through all the same feelings of guilt that you do. I know my dear SIL was consumed with guilt when she could no longer care for my brother at home. I think it’s natural that if you love someone, you will feel that way but the reality is there comes a point when all the love in the world cannot overcome the physical or mental capability to cope with someone with a serious physical or mental illness. I hope you have found some peace within yourself now and thank you for your advice.

I have not contributed to this thread for a long time, but I just wanted to bob in to say one thing: do not forget the Samaritans.

Life has for me been a challenge for a long time - sick OH deteriorating rapidly and needing to move to a nursing home.

One night last week I felt so bad and was very weepy: generally sad about this situation, and consumed with guilt that I had not been able to care for him myself. It was too late to ring any friend or family member, and I could not see how I might lift myself out of the pit I was in. I never dreamt that there might come a moment when I might need to ring the Samaritans, but I did so - and how glad am I that I made that decision.

The man I spoke to just listened and then said all the right things - things that have helped me to turn a corner and accept how things are without guilt.

So I just thought I would say to folks - do not dismiss them or think that phoning them is not for you - give them a try if things get bad. They are happy just to listen.

I watched the ceremony on TV this morning and, strangely, it seemed comforting, don't know why. Perhaps something to do with tradition or caring? Usually it upsets me because of a family member who died on active service and, more recently, my own loss. Weird the way the mind works.

It’s been a lot dryer today Annie thank goodness. Just a bit of rain... I don’t mind the snow if I can stay indoors haha. had a very hard frost this morning.. but that’s better than more rain river seems to have gone down a bit.. weather man say it’s going to be dry all weekend,

Joce how are you coping with all the rain, when in rains here in winter I think ‘thank God it’s not snow’,

Have I snow phobia ? You bet, forecast gives ‘snow in Scotland’
and my tummy does a little flip ?, I hate the stuff

Rowantree bless you just got to take baby steps, Annie give good advice. A virus on its own can knock the stuffing out of you, they take longer than we think to get over my grandchildren have had a nasty virus if you have had the same one it’s took them a good 3 weeks to bounce back and they are children, lot longer for us to get over steady is the best way. hope you feel better soon. Be kind to your self..
sending you a warm hug...

We have more rain errr ..

Rowantree you are NOT pathetic .

Have you seen your GP ?

I had a really bad breakdown some years ago and for some years after if going through a down time I was so fearful I was
heading for another breakdown, I didn’t though.

A virus can drag us down , flue causes depression so can any virus.

Do you feel low come the start of winter ? Several of us who post on this thread do.

So many things can cause us to feel low, this sounds daft but
right outside my living room window is a beautiful flowering cherry tree, looking at it this morning, bare branches , I felt
down, am curled up on the sofa and can’t be bothered to do
anything .

I have listed some reasons for feeling as you do but only a GP
can diagnose depression.

Don’t try to set yourself so many goals , reading your list of going to the gym, exercise classes, sewing projects, I wouldn’t want to get out of bed. You seem to be challenging yourself ?

Please don’t compare yourself to others, you don’t know their
thoughts, their troubles they don’t share . You are knocking your self confidence .

I felt very down yesterday evening, my younger granddaughter has moved to the same place as her brother and sister, they and my two granddaughters partners were all in the same apartment together , they FaceTimed me, lovely to see them all together but I realised another part of my life was over, got an empty nest again .

Have a chat with your GP, and talk to us here, we are here for each other and we all understand.

By the way, the election campaign is making me feel down ?
do let me know if John McDonald is as charming in real life as on tv x

Rowan you have had a virus and it looks like you are trying to do too many things, calm down and be good to yourself. I think we all want to feel we can 'achieve' but some days we simply can't. If I put things off until later in the day they never get started so I write lists and tick off the 'easy wins' on days when I know I can't do as much as I would like. Do you have to go to the gym? Could you let yourself off and go for a short walk? Clean one room in the home thoroughly, that's exercise too? I like Christmas so have done some thinking and list making, small steps at a time. BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

Anniebach several years since I was really unwell, but I've had the odd day or even week when I've felt very low and then I start panicking that I am going downhill again. Right now I don't know if it's the virus dragging on or my state of mind. We were meant to be going into Croydon today (enough to lift anyone's spirits!) for some training for campaigning and then meeting John McDonnell (not your bag, I know, but still) but everything feels like a mountain to climb. I feel pathetic. It's like someone has flicked the switch off and I'm in a different room from everyone else and that is frightening and lonely.

Yes Annie we are. It’s very flat where I am the floods are 5 mins walk away. Then Meadowhall is 20 mins drive from me.. park gate is 10 minutes away it’s both sides of us really.. yes it’s bad we are alright up to now, but some poor people aren’t so lucky.. daughter got stuck in traffic at Meadowhall for a good hour but got home save. Night all hope the rain stays off none at the moment..

Joce are you in that flood area ? It’s awful

Hi all x

Rowantree sorry you are feeling so low. How long since you last had the depression?

Rowantree the CBD oil seems to have help me in a few ways since I started taking it I am sleeping 100% better.. my anxiety is 90% better I am a lot more chilled than I have been for a long time.. having said that it’s doesn’t help everyone, you really need to check that it’s ok, it can interfere with some meds.. do research ask your GP..

How does CBD oil help and what is it for?

I have been feeling lower recently and am worrying that my depression is returning. My sleep is disordered, I've got a cold virus which has dragged on for several weeks, I'm lethargic and lacking in energy and motivation to get on with anything. I procrastinate and am starting to compare myself unfavourably again to others. There are a few recent family problems which are causing stress and anxiety too so that doesn't help.
I feel rather useless at the moment; I start things half heartedly and can't finish them (sewing projects, the gym, exercise classes and so on). I can't even persuade myself to get out into the garden and plant my poor bulbs.

It's like looking at a mountain to climb sometimes.

You have a good weekend as well Nonnie, I have been sleeping a lot better since going on the CBD oil, don’t know if it’s phycological or not but If it working I will keep going..

Joce been hearing about the floods on the news and it does sound horrid. Some of the people affected are remarkably stoic, think I wouldn't be so good at coping.

Haven't been out in the sun but have enjoyed it from my window. It makes no difference to my sleep if I have been out, if I've had a lot of exercise or if I've slobbed all day. I just don't sleep on the non-pill days. Wish I could find a solution as the news inundates me with how bad insomnia is for us.

Have a good weekend all.

Nonnie the fresh air might make you sleep better hopefully..
nothing worse when you don’t sleep, don’t know about you, but I don’t cope if I haven’t slept. We do really need sleep for more reasons than we think..

Nonnie sun what is that??? Bet it’s so lovely to see a bit of sun enjoy..
Still rain and more rain hear.. floods every where round us. The river burst it banks near Meadowhall everywhere was stood, so so sad for the people who live there.. just down road from me the river is very high, and parts of the roads are flooded, hopefully it will stop soon.
Hope everyone is having a good day. Enjoy

Dawn I have sent you a PM
Better late than never

Nostalgia seems to be running high at the moment. Nice to have something to get your teeth into as long as you find it interesting. I have a couple of friends who spend huge amounts of time researching their families and one travels round the world to meet distant relatives. They get a lot of satisfaction from it.

Joce forgotten what a good night's sleep is!

Hey ho, onwards and upwards. Sun is shining and the garden is colourful. Have a few tasks planned for today and really think I will achieve them.