Nasty diagnosis

Most people with terminal illness, live with it, and nowadays there is much support and help for pain relief ,and general everyday things . I would contact him as soon as possible and be led by his response . Do as little or as much as he wants and above all try and be normal around him . Be led by him, ask does he need any practical help or support . He may want to talk about his future , or not, again take your lead by him. I currently have a friend with stage 4 cancer which has metastasised to her bones. Last week she felt great and we went out for coffee, the previous week she didn't want to see anyone .

A friend of mine was given a terminal diagnosis. I asked her if she wanted to talk but she said she would rather just be 'normal' with me and talk of the things we always have. She has to talk about it with doctors and immediate family so with me she wants to forget for while. The last thing she wanted was sympathy- she can't cope with it.

Thank you! That is what I did, but it was practical in places too. xxx

Thank you for your advice! Nice of you to take the time. I was in a panic when I wrote the request, but I realise that he is the important person, not me. I have taken your advice and perhaps I will telephone tomorrow. Best wishes. xxxx

axxliz I was given a most unwelcome diagnosis earlier this year. I did let a lot of people know by email as it gave me space and thinking time - which I hope it gave the recipients too. The replies I got were all in the same vein of disbelief but sent with love and compassion. So as gonegirl suggests, go with your heart and ask what you can do to help?

I would respond to the email saying you are sorry to hear their news and you hope they are getting the support they need. As you indicate they are a close friend I would then just react as you would normally do, inviting them out etc. I have had experience of a sister and close friends with terminal illness. I found that, once they had accepted their situation, they lived each day to the full, as far as their illness allowed. What most people hate in this situation is that people 'withdraw' from them as they don't know what to say or how to behave around them. Better to make the odd faux pas and be there for them than disappear. Particularly with my sister's attitude to her illness, I found I learnt a lot from her and had nothing but admiration for her ability to stay so positive and cheerful.

I agree with Auntieflo and would e-mail before phoning. Talking is hard when you're coping with a devastating diagnosis.

Perhaps the email was the only way he felt that he could communicate at the time.
A phone call may have been too upsetting, as the diagnosis is so new.

I agree gonegirl. However you decide to do it you must respond though. It would have taken a lot to email in the first place. Phone, call round, write or email. Ask how they are as a starting point. Then take it from there. Be sincere. If you feel awkward that's OK. Good luck.

You need to reply from your heart.

Can be difficult when you don't know the sort of person it is as we're all different and so have different ways of dealing with this kind of news.

I can only say to take each day as it comes and do whatever you feel like doing, wellness permitting.

You will know what he enjoys doing most, hobbies, walks, a drive, a coffee and a chat to let them open up on how they feel. Just be a good listener at all times.

I’d respond with a ‘sorry to hear that’ , then maybe offer to call to chat, or to go out for a coffee if they feel up to it,and take your lead from them. ‘ How are you feeling?’ may seem like a silly question, but sometimes people aren’t encouraged to talk, as friends and family just want to be reassuring, and avoid the issue.