Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

I have had a weight problem most of my adult life, but at one point I did run a slimming club, and I realised very quickly that for the majority of women, weight is more about emotional turmoil than anything else.
How many of us truly believe we "are worth it"? How many of us can look in a mirror and say that out loud?
Well I read the earlier post about The Gabriel Method, and bought a 2nd hand copy after looking at this review:
livingthenourishedlife.com/book-of-month-review-gabriel-method/
I am definitely worth £2:97.

I never gave a thought to dieting until in my 50s. Then the pounds started to creep up and since then it has been a stop start process. Tried many diet clubs which work for a while but then the pounds start to come back. Bodies do acclimatised to a lower amount of food eventually and then start to build up again. It is a vicious circle.

Compulsive eating is an addictive problem, the same as other addictions and maybe harder to break. At least with alcohol, drugs and tobacco you can beat the addiction by never taking the substance again...food however you need to eat daily. There is a group called over eaters anonymous you can find details online. Hope it helps.

seacliff - I can relate to everything you write and completely empathise with you. I was slim until my 40s. I filled out a bit in my early 50s and managed to lose it all again through daily walking and running around at work. I took an office-based post which was the beginning of the rot. Members of my close family all have significant, in one case life-altering problems and I struggle to cope with it all. I comfort eat +++ and, as you say, am filled with self-loathing afterwards. It’s not easy at all. I’ve detailed this to let you know I understand. It’s motivation that seems to disappear, despite knowing all the health risks and ‘I’ll just eat this all now because I’m starting the diet tomorrow’. So, so hard.
I wish you all the best and hope that you get support very soon.

Learn to love yourself as you are and others will love to too .

I am overweight like yourself. I eat crisps all the time. I am lazy. I cant move about easily so exercise is impossible. I smoke and eat crisps. I cant afford this lifestyle. I have mental health problems but there is no mental health care left. Maybe i am killing myself slowly but i do not care

Not here to judge but my wake up call was getting hiatus hernia , having surgery theh going on an NHS Paris rehab programme at a gym which is 3x6 month seesions with /out a trainer who is there if you want them . Maybe your weight alone could entitle you to this .
I comfort ate . My knees were painful . I had little confidence .
Now 20 months later , 19kg lighter and maintaining - I am healthier , got new job aged 59 and can buy clothes I like .
I am healthier too .
Depends what you want your future to be but with little effort and no trendy diets I am proof that a few tweaks are all that is needed .

Again - sadness for you and also my daughter who is in the same situation.

I can only suggest thinking about the contributions you are making to other people's lives - starting here where so many feel similarly and are equally puzzled and depressed by their situations.

I found that, having been fat all my childhood and constantly reminded of the need to eat 'properly' by my mother - which I did - her meals (!) and no snacks - really.

When I married and left home I have slowly slimmed down as I realised that I have a useful part to play in my family and local community.

It was sad that my mother died thinking I was irrevocably fat and useless. Hers is not a life I want to emulate.

So. sit down and think about the kind things you say, probably habitually, to people so they feel better. It makes you happier if you make others happier. Words are the key - not enough people smile and seem pleased to see others - all others. We can all do this and it strengthens communities. Think how you value the people who you know will greet you with a smile.

I realise this sounds trite but it has worked for me. I no longer depend on food for happiness - albeit temporary - I like to see others happy and know that we all get a boost from triggering a smile in someone else.

Try it and see.

Good luck!

This is a long one. Make tea!

seacliff (and all others struggling with this situation) I'd like to offer some positive strategies. (Nothing worthwhile is easy.) Instead of beating yourself up and telling yourself you are out of control, will you try to turn all the negatives into positives? Will you accept that every day you decide what you will eat? No one is twisting your arm or force feeding you.

I went on a work based course that taught us, categorically, that you have to want something enough to be motivated to achieve it. So, you have to want to lose weight more than you want that doughnut. If you decide that you want the doughnut more than the weight loss, go ahead! You are in control and that's your decision. No regrets! (But no lies!)

When you reach for food, tell yourself:
"I am in control. I decide whether or not to eat this. I am strong enough to resist this."
If you walk away from it, give yourself a huge pat on the back. See how strong you are!

When you are shopping for food, tell yourself:
"I am in control. I decide whether or not to buy this. I am strong enough to resist this."
If you walk away from it, congratulate yourself. You are strong enough to do this! Calculate what you save by resisting buying unhealthy stuff and put the money in a jar. Watch it mount up.

Distraction is a huge help. If you feel hungry, have a cup of tea or coffee (enjoy it without sugar, no lattes!) or water and find something absorbing to do. Go for a walk, take up a hobby.

Lastly, many people say they simply have no willpower. That's just an excuse, a lie they tell themselves.

Willpower is like a muscle. If you exercise it, it gets stronger.

Start small by cutting out one snack food. If you don't buy it, you haven't got it so you can't eat it!

*You are in control!*and

If all this sounds like smug psychobabble, it's not. I've accepted it and made it work. Twenty-three years ago, I chose to achieve my karate black belt by training at a tough club I'd been avoiding. I really, really wanted it so I got over my fear. More recently, and more relevantly, I have lost 26lb on the 5:2 intermittent fasting way of eating. I wanted the health benefits to avoid the age related conditions my mother had. That was important enough for me to stick to it.

Weight is such a complex thing! If it was just a case of eat less move more, we could all manage it. I was edging towards morbidly obese (probably got there). 5.2 and just over 15 stone!. All fairly solid though. I have managed to lose a stone by using an app to monitor what I eat. It has helped me realise the amount of calories I was consuming! I lost a stone in the first month - but no more since (about 3 months), but it has stayed off! I put this down to using the stairs at work everyday instead of the lift. 3 flights. I had hoped to drop another stone or two by now - but it just isn't happening. As the darker evenings approach I can feel myself slipping into hibernation mode. Eat and sleep. I should have been a bear!

Try not to beat yourself up - the more you try to deny yourself the bigger the craving will be. Try an app - it may help, and if you use a lift for three or four flights - walk one of them. Love yourself first and foremost.

Don't know if this will help but I hope it does.

I was overweight, constantly hungry, one day, like a bolt out of the blue, it dawned on me that what I was hungry for WAS NOT food. I was hungry for some love. I had no one to love me so I put the time in to learn how to love myself. It worked for me, you have nothing to lose by trying it. Good luck.

I hope you get the help you need Seacliff. I wish you well.

seacliff I can relate to every word of your heartfelt post. You are not alone by any means - and those of us who struggle with this daily will be thanking you for describing so eloquently, our frustrations and the feelings of despair, when yet again, food is our prop. I wish that I knew the answer, because I'd be sharing far and wide, but like you, I feel stuck and out of control. Food is the highlight of my days. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

Sea cliff, I could have written your post word for word. I can’t emphasise enough what you are feeling is the same as I do too. Hate buying clothes, going out, looking at my face in mirror.
Other people have commented freely on my appearance and it hurts so much.

I have tried to lose weight but since menopause three years ago and hysterectomy, the redoubling of my effort to lose weight seems to be futile.

Like many posters here I have struggled with my weight all my life and Ilove to eat all the things that put weight on. I was podgy at the age of 10, my mother took me to a specialist for weight loss at age 17 and I have also tried hyonosis and counselling. I was around size 16/18/20 most of my adult life, seesawing, gaining, having children, eating for at least 4 etc I then moved next to fast food outlets in around 2000 and went up to size 28, 19 stones, over a few years. I could hardly walk.

Around 2004 I got good advice from a frined and joined Slimming world. I lost 3 stones, decided I could do it alone but began to gain and went to Weightwatchers. I went down over the next couple of years to size 12/14, I got to gold in 2007 and have managed to keep there, apart from a short lapse.

I had a health scare in 2010, breast cancer, and am very arthritic so keeping the weight down is necessary. The best exercise friend was 2 dogs we got. The need to walk, whether you want to or not. I also do tai chi and swim and use a treadmill. I need to to keep mobile. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. They are 3,4 and 13 so I need to work on the health

I still want to overeat, especially the evening after weigh in, which I have to do weekly then I sometimes eat anything until I feel sick, but next day I go back on the healthy eating plan. Which is really all WW and SW are. Lots of vegetables, wholemeal bread etc. I also have an underactive thyroid and when the meds change it makes it harder to keep the weight off.

I suppose a good scare like cancer can make you really focus on it. I hope those who are struggling can find a way of eating that means you have some nice things and are not hungry but are losing weight. The photos are from around 2004 and 2007.

I had just posted a thread about losing two stone to no visible effect when I read yours.

One little trick could be very useful for you: I noticed that if I did not drink two litres of water a day - and I mean two litres, not a drop less -the weight just did not go down.

Try doing this for a while. I know it's a bore but can do you no harm and only good.

Get yourself four 1/2 l glasses, fill them in the morning and dot them round the house. It's easier to count four glasses than lots of piddling-sized ones.

Try to finish drinking by four p.m. (to avoid constant night-time runs to the loo).

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

Seacliff
I too have battled my weight most of my life. Believe me, I do understand what you say about how such a continued struggle makes you feel and why you ask people not to judge. I have just come back from the doctors' surgery after a regular health check and am signed up for help there to control my weight. The nurse I saw gave me a leaflet for something called One Life which offers regular sessions for help with overeating for all sorts of reasons and benefits. I can do both if I want to.
I, too, have tried hypnotherapy and found it useful... and expensive. I have Paul McKenna's I can Make you Thin - a book and hypnotherapy CD which is full of good advice. Listening to the CD every day used to help me a lot so I have dug it out again. It's still on Amazon and is a lot cheaper than paying for private sessions with someone.
I hope you can find appropriate help and a happy place. I will be trying to get to my own happy place alongside you. All best wishes.

Oh Seacliff, your mail made me sad but I hope you can see the love that shines out from these pages. We are not all horrible 'fat shamers'. Perhaps you can see that there is a way out, given time.

First, do give yourself some love.

Secondly, there is no rush, take your time - if you do want to lose weight, forget the silly 'diets' in the press. They rarely work and those beautiful women featured must either have wills of steel or very good photo-shopping opportunities. Things most of us do not possess!

Perhaps try, as has been mentioned here, setting a clock for ten minutes and then consider if you want the food you were going to eat. You may well want to do so but on occasions, not. Every little helps. Tiny steps can lead to weight loss.

I lost a considerable amount of weight some years ago but... have put half of it back on. I consider that I may know and understand exactly how you feel and think and reading the posts here, many people are in a similar boat - you are not alone.

One trick I used was to go shopping after I had eaten and told myself that chocolate manufacturers just want to make profit out of my greed! Why should I let them (thinking of the various promotions 'too good to miss')?! I thus bought fewer 'treats' and could pace myself instead of gobbling several (and they are even smaller nowadays!) at one moment.

I am sure that some of the links here would be worthwhile, too, so why not have a look and see if any of them are for you.

The only thing - advice to me by a medic - is that bariatric surgery is not the perfect solution it at first appears for apparently you will be restricted on portion size forever. This means that family meals/convivial restaurant outings, etc., are extremely difficult. However, if that is what it takes then so be it.

Am sending you a virtual hug - take a deep breath and remember how wonderful you are.

MInd and body, we have lost sight of the connection.

Mother, female child, food ,is another issue.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I was size 10 then went through the change and bang!!! I've tried everything and I'm now a size 16.it gets me down. I'm currently laid up with Achilles tendinitis. I've comfort ate these last 3 weeks and I feel and look fat. Fedup. Sorry I don't have any answers. Sending you love and hugs xx

I feel for you - I was a size 10 for many years but as age crept up, so did my weight. Also, when I stopped smoking 60 a day to none at all, I put on 3 stone, so I'm now a 20/22 depending on the clothes, and like you I beat myself up because food has become like a drug to me. The only things I can tell you are (a) there are eating disorder clinics throughout the UK, so you could ask your GP for a referral, and (b) a kind heart is a darn sight more important than your weight. Try to forgive the fat shamers - they are ignorant of the true facts, and sad little people.

The NHS should do more, the NHS is not your nanny, we all have to take responsibility for our health and eating habits.

Weight gain in later years is often a problem because we can't all do the exercise that we used to.
I am no skinny Minnie but do not overeat, I am physically sick if I eat more than an average portion.

Try Dr Zoe Harcombe. Her latest book is The Diet Fix. An earlier one was 'Why do you overeat when all you want is to be slim'. Her work combines science and personal understanding; she has done a lot of research because of her own problems. Google her at any rate. There are a lot of people on this site cheering you on, and your level of self-awareness shows you are nearer change than you realise.

We all know what to do eat less move more. Easier said than done. Harder to resist the foods you enjoy when you are living alone. I don't know what the answer is. The NHS should be doing alot more to help. Like any addiction we shouldn't have to go private. If you don't have the money what are you supposed to do then. In the long run if the NHS helped more it would save them money

Seacliff it's so sad to read this and I sympathise as I've been hating my weight and my body all my life.
Have you thought of joining the online scheme WLR (Weight Loss Resources)? It's completely free of gimmicks and has a really lively community, including lovely non-judgemental mentors who you can talk to regularly. The website is www.weightlossresources.co.uk