Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

Hypnosis doesn’t work for everyone, but going to a reputable practitioner and following their advice after hypnosis helps
A great deal of people.
Several friends over the years have benefitted from it for various reasons, weight loss, giving up smoking, and becoming more confident, they also say that it’s pleasant and relaxing.It’s certainly worth thinking about.

Ask for the statistics about long term weight loss before you put yourself through the mindless indignity of a so called weight loss group.

Gosh that's so very interesting that hypnosis works for most people.

Seacliff I think you have taken the first step to feeling better about yourself by admitting that you have a real problem around food.Why didn't you like the group you went to, perhaps now try another one? There is strength and resolve when you attend a group with the same problems as yourself,
A bit like GN, but real life and even better.
I would give hypnosis a go, it does work for most people.
Good luck.?

Snap!

Same scenario, same diets and battles all my life which started when I was bullied at school for having red hair and glasses. I turned to food for comfort - I am now disabled (Not because I was overweight!!) I used to play badminton and ride a lot, so was overweight but fairly fit, but I have had 21 lots of surgery in the last 21 years and now my mobility is very poor because of it all, now also diabetic, sugars are too high as I eat badly or not at all as I feel so nauseous all the time, can't work, so am poor and all this fresh food is expensive, (can't chop or stand to cook it anyway) can't afford to go to clubs any more (wouldn't anyway now as too embarrassed because I look so bloody dreadful) Anxiety and depression due to my circumstances - if I had bariatric surgery (and you need to do all of the above first anyway, and I probably have too many co-morbidities now to actually have any more surgery unless it is life threatening) I reckon I would just eat ice cream through a straw (as my mouth is so sore it is virtually the only thing I want to eat anyway!) ........ so the cycle is never ending and horrid - if you do intend to leave message me first and we can chat on other 'platforms'! Take care Ladies xxx

Seacliff. Thanks for voicing and describing the misery so many of us feel due to addictive, emotional overeating and binge eating. We know we do it. We dont even have to look in the mirror. We know our size and shape. We have enough self shame and guilt . No one else needs to tell us. I think we walk in each others shoes on this. Thank you for the care you have shown others by sharing.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head seacliff you eat as comfort food. Unless you resolve the issues that make you unhappy then you will probably continue to do so. No one can criticise. I probably drink a bit too much. We all have troubles in our lives and deal with them in different ways. I hope you can get the help you need. Only worry about what those you love feel. No one else matters.

Seacliff - it's very brave of you to state your worries so publicly.
Notanan I've thought that too about ex-smokers , but it seems that it's more than that. It's that addictive gene. I have it too - not telling yet!
I'm a big believer in the 12 step programmes. The first step being admitting that you've lost control of a certain need.
I think it started with AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) but has extended to apply to many other addictions.

I’m trying to lose weight but haven’t told anyone im doing ok but feel better not telling anyone so as I’ don’t feel as if I have to produce a weekly update. I feel for you and know what it’s like. Sending love and hugs.

Seacliff My heart goes out to you. Food is your anaesthetic and the more horrible you are to yourself, the more you will want to anaesthetise your feelings to cope with the pain. That deep wound inside you from childhood is still hurting.

It's impossible to avoid food so it's not a case of willpower.

You have been very very brave indeed to share this on here. I wish I could give you a better answer but I just wanted to say how much I admire you for opening up and sharing your vulnerability. for you and for everyone who can relate to your story. xx

Bless you. No one has the right to judge someone for their size and shape. It angers me as much as it saddens me. We live in such a photo-shoppy world these days and it seems that anyone who doesn't have the shape, the look and the pout is not acceptable. What bollocks. We all know it is.
That said, I feel your misery keenly - your post depicts terrible pain and self-loathing. If changes are to be made, with help, you have to learn to be gentle with yourself and be your own best and most loving friend. Kicks up the arse never work, believe me. Been there. Self hatred gets nowhere except further stuck in the mire.
If you were talking to a dear friend now who was suffering as you are, what might you say to her? What might you do. and suggest? You are clearly a sensitive person with great self-awareness. Please give those questions some gentle thought. You also need to back that up with some physical self-love - and before anyone raises any eyebrows, this means gently hugging yourself, stroking your own arms, telling yourself that you are suffering, that you are going to need support and help and that you will support and love yourself through it all.
If this sounds crazy, well - never mind, that doesn't matter. It's a start. You need to do this regularly, if not several times a day. You'll find your own form of gentle loving words, your own loving touches. You deserve no less.

At the same time you need to see your GP urgently and tell her/him exactly what you've told us. How this is impacting your life, how desolate you feel, how desperate. They need to know this. You also need to tell them you simply cannot cope any more without specialised help and you want to discuss a suitable referral. Don't leave unless and until the GP has agreed a plan of action/care plan.

As others have said...please do keep posting. You have been courageous posting your feelings and thoughts; don't stop.

XXXX

I have been slim, and a smoker, for all my adult life. Two years ago I stopped smoking which coincided with us moving back from Spain. I missed my friends and my life there and also missed my cigarettes. I started eating to compensate and have put on 2 stone. I hate myself, and the more I hate myself the more I eat. Of course, being retired and not so busy, the fridge is too handy. I know what the answer is and I know how to deal with it but just don't seem to have the willpower any more. The fatter I get the more hopeless it seems.

I feel for you seacliff.

You're very welcome Seacliff ?

No, I have never smoked, and hardly ever drink at all.

This started when I was a child. My mother was very controlling about food. That has made me not want to deny myself. I know that was a lifetime ago, I should have got over it.

Patricia, I will look into that Broken Brain. Thankyou.

Like others, Seacliff, I was so sad to read your post. Perhaps your posting is the first step to helping yourself find a way forward? Have you been to your doctor and asked for help? Do you have family / are they supportive? Friends? I hope you are not in an abusive relationship. Please continue to post here, on Gransnet - at its best, it can be a wonderfully comforting and supportive place. Many on here have, or are, experienced all sorts of difficulties and can be empathetic and may be able to help you? Lots of luck x

seacliff what you describe sounds more like an eating disorder than an eating problem, in the same way, bulimia and anorexia are.

I would think that any solution to your eating lies in being referred to an eating disorder clinic and/or psychotherapy to find what lies behnd you eating patterns. Until you understand what drives you to eat, you cannot step back from it.

A lot of fat people around today are ex smokers.

Stopping smoking doesnt stop the addictive need. It just transfers it, usually to food.

When smoking was more common over eating was less common.

The addictive "need" is probably constant. How it manifests change depending on whats most available

Just a thought

Seacliff there's so much new thinking backed up by science out there that completely absolves you from blame in overeating. Sugar is massively addictive. It colonises the gut microbiome to devastating effect and sets up a vicious cycle of need that's almost impossible to stop. If it would help you get to the science of the addiction and how you may be able to start on the road to wellness, there's a fantastic series of podcasts by a Dr. Mark Hyman called the Broken Brain in which he explores, with the input of leading experts in the field, the causes of why we overeat and how to take steps towards breaking the cycle. I hope, if you decide to access the info, it helps you as much as it's helped me to get to grips with the guilt and negativity around this deep seated issue?

Sorry I don't normally ever open up and say how I truly feel to anyone. It just all came tumbling out today after reading that thread. Thanks for all the kindness, which is a nice surprise. I thought I would be judged.

I feel so stupid at my age being in this situation of my own making. In the past I have tried hypnosis. It did work for a while, but it's expensive and I had to stop. Come to think of it, she had me saying a little mantra in my head "I feel so good about myself". The idea being, I suppose, if you love yourself you will be kind to your body. I may investigate hypnosis again, just have a couple of sessions if I can find someone good.

I even went to Overeaters Anon, but it was not for me. I have been referred to Slimming World by GP, tried all sorts. I hope this post also helps others who feel like me.

Wildswan

You are right of course, none of us are going to come up with some amazing weight loss plan, that Seacliff hasn’t thought of.

But Seacliff, hope you are feeling a bit better knowing we are all caring for you

I feel your pain Seacliff - maybe if just one person thinks before they call out an obese person it will have done something good.

I think things like the Cambridge diet are all well and good but they don't tackle the root cause and as soon as you stop unless you're amazing , you'll go back to eating what you did and all your hard work will be undone.

I'm sending you a big hug xx

I am about 2 stone over what is considered a healthy weight for my height.

Like a lot of others I have dieted constantly with no success, because to just eat an extra piece of bread is sufficient to scupper my diet.

I have therefore decided at 74to simply eat healthily and sod the diet. So that’s where I am at. So my aim is zero processed, as wide a variety of food as possible, minimum of 5 fruit/veg a day usually at least 10, everything from basic ingredients. No refined sugar. So this means no cakes, biscuits, cereals, except oats, muesli etc. No puddings . I don’t buy them so am not tempted to eat them. I do have a glass of wine.

I don’t lose weight, but console myself that my diet is as healthy as possible.

I refuse to beat myself up about it, and as a result have lost the feeling of guilt. A real freedom?

I watched the James Cordon item and thought how eloquently he spoke up against fat shaming. My husband has been overweight for the last 25 years - he's lost weight twice - once through what was probably a breakdown when he was living abroad on his own and then by a strict 1200 calorie diet for a year which no one can sustain. He is always conscious of what he is eating when out convinced people are looking at him and judging him by his size. People we know who have lost weight are forever telling us what we should be eating - we know - we don't need a lecture every time we see them or have slimming magazines thrust into our hands.

. When we read a post like yours all we can do is to say we want to support you, we feel sad that you are sad.

Any advice will end up sounding a bit "trite" as I am sure you have thought and tried all of them, probably many times. Emotions are strong and you have found a way of dealing with yours, but that way has it's downside. You know that finding a way to deal with the emotions is also the key to losing the weight.

I tentatively suggest one little thing - when your hand goes out for the cheesey chips, or the chocolate - make yourself wait for 10 minutes, put the kitchen timer on. It may be enough to sometimes stave off the craving.

I comfort eat and have a wee bit around my tum that annoys me as I was a skinny weed all my life. So I cannot imagine how hard it must be for people who are truly overweight - it is tempting to think - "well I can't see how I am going to get this lot off so I may as well eat what I want".

What a challenge it all is - I hope you can find someone to help you with this, be it GP, hypnotherapist, dietician, slimming group. But do not think that all thin people fail to understand how hard it can be. Lots of good luck from me!

Oh Seacliff (lovely moniker BTW!) you are in a bad place aren't you? I'm so sorry for your situation. But reading your post again it seems to me this is not a food issue but a mental health issue. Do you really not like yourself at all? You don't need us to tell you that you're setting yourself up for all sorts of debilitating illnesses, to say nothing of joint pain. Please do get some help. Other posters I'm sure will have ideas of the different programmes available to people in your position. You need support and love. I do wish you the very best, and keep posting - there will be many others out there with the same problems and your experiences may help them and they in turn will help you.