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helping a neighbour who is dying of cancer.

(11 Posts)
Fennel Wed 23-Oct-19 16:11:36

Our neighbour has throat cancer, and the doctors have now told him that he hasn't long to live.
He and husband have been good friends since we moved here 18 months ago - sharing DIY projects etc.
His wife is fit and well TG and he has good children and grandchildren.
Feeling very sad for them all, because he's a good man.
Husband goes in and chats with him, which he likes. The first thing he said to me when we moved in was "I'm told I'm a chauvinistic pig", so he depends on male friendship.
I'm feeling very upset for them, you can see the signs of the end on his face and body.

dragonfly46 Wed 23-Oct-19 16:14:10

This is very sad Fennel they are lucky to have good friends so close and a good family around.

crazyH Wed 23-Oct-19 16:25:05

Three years ago, my dear neighbour R passed away, after a 2 year battle with stomach cancer. He was so good to me. I live on my own and he helped me with little stuff around the house, like changing bulbs, mending garage door etc. His wife was/is nice as well.
I still miss him.

Fennel Wed 23-Oct-19 16:38:57

Thanks, I should have added, what can I do personally to help them?

Anniebach Wed 23-Oct-19 16:47:24

Be there for them Fennel, x

B9exchange Wed 23-Oct-19 17:01:41

What a sad situation for you all. Perhaps ask them what you can do, offer suggestions, eg cook a meal, help with household tasks, do shopping, sit with him (or your husband sit with him) so his wife can go out. Be prepared to listen rather than talk. And when the inevitable happens, continue to do the same, be sensitive to when help is of use, and when leaving the family to huddle together with their grief.

tanith Wed 23-Oct-19 17:07:35

When I was caring for my DH last year my neighbours were so kind. They gave me their mobile numbers and said call us anytime night or day if you need help and that was such a comfort knowing they would be there should I need them, I only needed to call them once when I couldn’t manage moving DH to change his sheets.
Just make sure they know you are there for them when family are further away possibly. My DH also appreciated a chat with anyone too sounds like you are lovely neighbours.

MissAdventure Wed 23-Oct-19 17:10:40

Offer practical help, if you can, Lucky would be my advice.
Ask if they need anything bought in, see if you can do any small little thing which would help them.

Fennel Wed 23-Oct-19 17:31:47

Good ideas from you all. I'm going to have to start cooking (again) tomorrow.
It has brought me closer to my view of our short time span here, seeing it in real life.

EllanVannin Wed 23-Oct-19 18:49:39

Having regular chats is uplifting to those who are suffering as well as with the carer involved too.
A nice home-made sponge cake would be welcoming when you drop in for a cup of tea with them too.

I befriended a neighbour 6 years ago, who I'd sadly watched fading in front of me and losing her hair everywhere. A lovely neighbour who I visited often and went to car-boot sales because she loved them and the last thing we bought were two large light-up Christmas angels. Hers lit, mine didn't so I told her I was doomed.
I think they were £1 each and she laughed at my cursing.

That Christmas she passed away after having had a stroke as the cancer had gone to her brain. I was devastated and she was the only " closest " neighbour I had and have had since. Her death knocked me sideways and I was too unwell to attend her funeral.

We were always laughing about something though even when her hair was coming out I asked her if she had a spare cushion cover to put her hair in. I helped choose her wigs, which put my hair to shame ! She looked gorgeous.

We used to play cards and board games---ludo and snakes and ladders, tiddly winks. It really was hilarious at times and kept her from thinking too much about her illness.
We sat out in the summer months and I made her have a sleep in the afternoons.

Not long after that I looked after a neighbour with dementia-----but that's another chapter in my life.

Fennel Wed 23-Oct-19 19:05:31

Ellan your story is like that of my husband with our neighbour. I think he's more upset than me. They spent so much productive time together.
Friendships with neighbours are almost as important as closeness with family.
But different.