Caring for ones self

Namsnanny I've just googled and we have a new one in Belfast. I won't go on Saturday morning..definitely not....?

annep1 ...Don't go there, it's a very addictive shop!
It's possible to get lost in there for days

gonegirl I could spend a fortune when I'm in there, everything is so beautiful.
Just window shopping and checking out the Christmas bits and bobs this time!

I've never heard of Homesense.

I like Homesense. Don't go buying the whole shop up now.

Thank you everyone! I’ll be back (Arnie like ) later with a more full answer.
I was offered a lift to homesense so I took gonegirls advice and said yes - there at the moment! Allbeit with a frame to help stop me from falling over (inner ear probs)

I would never have talked to my family, ever.

That's a very good rate grapefrutpip.

Fennel I find I can tell a counsellor more than I would tell a friend or family member. I can be totally honest and she won't be judgemental.
Also the people I know have others depending on them or have their own problems and I wouldn't want to burden them.
But I get your point. Nowadays there are less extended family situations which gave a lot of support. and as you get older your parents may not be around. I know I miss having my mum to talk to. If I had a problem she very often made it ok.

anne, that's great. Mine charges £35.00 per hour and is professional through and through.

Yes, sorry that was a rather sweeping statement. I'm sure there are some good qualified and expert counsellors etc.
I sometimes wonder whether a good friend can also be a help and support. Many people are so isolated these days, no family or friends around, or too busy to listen.

My counsellor is very well trained, registered, and very well qualified in specific areas. She charges £50 per session of 50 minutes and I can tell you it's worth every penny. I haven't been for quite a while and she's happy for me to come for a single session at any time or as many as I need. She is definitely not in it for my money. It's so good to have this backup. I can tell her anything.
It's wonderful to have someone with whom I can talk things through.

I'm very cynical about so-called therapists these days. Most of them seem to be in it for the money, as there's a growing fashion , spread from America

I completely disagree. We cannot go back to the past where nobody spoke about feelings. They bottled things up and then were spoken about in hushed terms when they became unwell.

Any BACP registered counsellor/therapist has to have trained to rigorous standards. They have to pay for their own supervision and possibly room hire. I don't believe they overcharge....how much does a mechanic cost per hour by way of a comparison?

Namsnanny, get into one good habit and do it every day. That was a good suggestion from Gonegirl to get out and walk , rain or shine ,every day.
You are worth it!
Most counsellors mean well, but psychotherapists are a lot better but cost a lot more.
You need more energy so drink enough water and get enough sleep . You are worth it!

I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you Namsnanny.

My suggestion would be that you sit down and imagine that you are a caring counsellor and that Namsnanny is your client sitting opposite you.

I think you'll know exactly the right questions to ask 'her'. Let her talk about her problems and feelings that haven't been taken seriously in the past. When she's ready, invite her to make suggestions about what'll help her right now and for the future.

I think you might be surprised at how much you already know about what will help you feel better now. Then, treat yourself to something that will make you happy (flowers, a haircut?) with the money you haven't spent on another appointment! Go gently, and I wish you good luck.

Gonegirl I so agree with you about getting out every day to blow away the cobwebs and fight the blues. I went out twice today in the rain.
Namsnanny I'm very cynical about so-called therapists these days. Most of them seem to be in it for the money, as there's a growing fashion , spread from America.
I used to be a child psychologist so speak from experience and have also had sad times.
The past is gone, try to forgive if you can't forget.

Oh, I know what you mean. Can you manage to get out every day, preferably in the morning before the weather turns? It can make such a difference. It's so much easier to just sit in a comfortable chair and seldom even sniff the outside.

Not easy though as you get older and walking makes you puff and blow a bit.

I had one session of hypnotherapy once, and I know what you mean about them wanting to get paid. Never bothered again.

pleasure your husband?

I understand about the counsellor who was unbelievable in their approach, and also the feeling that No one would believe it. I had a CPN once who told me that I should pull myself together, put a pretty dress on, and make up and pleasure my husband. No one would have believed me if I'd told anyone, but my husband was with me.

www.youtube.com/channel/UC_pxd6gjX2Dd5amM_uboiRA
Thissssssss. You're welcome. ;)

Must look at your book.

Thank you Grapefruitpip. Nice of you to say.

I'm sorry to hear you feel so low Namsnanny don't give up on the counselling or support groups, there will be someone out there to help.
Hope you find a way through your difficulties soon, take care

nice post annep. It would be great to have a few more helpful and supportive ones like this.

One book I quite like is Asking for Help by Kevin Braddock.

Your first duty is to yourself! (And yes if you have young children thats not entirely true)
But if you don't look after yourself you will be no use to anyone else.
Your happiness is important.
I think firstly some mindfulness meditation would help you to focus on the here and now.
You have been very unlucky with counsellors. Perhaps look for a recommendation for a good one.
There are loads of selfhelp books which might help you.
I have one called Reinventing your Life by Jeffrey Young. My counsellor recommended it but if you Google you should find one that appeals to you.
Its a start. You will have to work at it and it will take time but you must try. It will be worth the effort. Or you can stay stuck were you are, is that what you want?. Good luck.?

Oh how I sympathise. I feel pretty similar to you. I’m currently the receptacle for my family’s woes. I just don’t seem able to get going right now.

I do hope things improve for you soon. Life can be very hard and it really can be difficult to keep going.

Sending you ???

Are you in the UK? All counsellors are obliged to be members of a regulatory body. They are bound by ethical constraints.

They get paid for providing their service but they should have very very clear boundaries and not be motivated by money.

It's tough but if you can stand it, try a few before you get a good fit.