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New diagnosis

(19 Posts)
Lindylou23 Thu 09-Jan-20 16:38:22

DH has been diagnosed with Myeloma and to say my world has fallen apart is an understatement, he is 70 I am 66 still working part time I want to give up working to be home with him, but he says to keep going in. I feel we don't know how much time we have together and there fore we need to spend quality time together. What are your thought would it be wise to give up work? I am off at moment while we process this diagnosis.

silverlining48 Thu 09-Jan-20 17:02:04

Take time to make decisions about whether to leave work altogether or reduce hours. If it’s a recent diagnosis You will both be in shock, it’s a lot to take in.

Try not to spend too much time with dr google which often gives worst case scenarios, perhaps contact the consultant and ask any further questions you may have. Write the answers down because it’s a lot to take in.

My best wishes to you both. flowers

Anannymous Thu 09-Jan-20 17:02:57

Hello Lindylou, I am sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. A diagnosis of any type of cancer puts you in a very scary place doesn’t it. Both my husband and I have been through cancer treatments and we both wanted life to carry on as near normally as possible which included working. Have you been put in touch with a specialist nurse. We always found them to be very knowledgeable and more easily accessed for information or guidance. Also I imagine there is a support charity (probably a specialised one) where you may be able to chat to someone who is going through something similar.

EllanVannin Thu 09-Jan-20 17:03:55

I'd carry on working if you feel like doing of course. If you suddenly stop you'll arouse suspicion if you understand what I mean.
Unless of course your DH is showing signs of the illness and you feel as though you should be there for him or if he's needing you there.
Certainly, if he's not too bad at the moment you should carry on as before for your own sake as well as his too. Nothing's going to happen overnight as these things take time to get a hold especially nowadays when such conditions can be contained for a while.

Greeneyedgirl Thu 09-Jan-20 17:11:00

Am very sorry Lindylou, what a shock for you both. It's really too early to make big decisions, try and give some time to process things.
Big hugs to you both.

grannymy Thu 09-Jan-20 17:11:58

Lindylou I think only you can make this decision, however, my world collapsed when my husband left me after thirty years one evening I went into work as usual the next morning. I know this is completely different, but I remember my boss saying to me "your colleagues are so fond of you and they will keep you going through this difficult period." And they did. Work did me the world of good in an exceptionally difficult time and it was good in a way to be in the thick of it and listening to everyone elses troubles and woes. Made you know that you were not alone.

grannymy Thu 09-Jan-20 17:12:48

p.s. I should have said I was a total wreck, but I wouldn't have done it any different.

BlueBelle Thu 09-Jan-20 17:15:59

Firstly I m so sorry to hear this and you must be in shock but have you had any further information from the consultant other than the diagnosis as although Myeloma can’t be cured it can be treated and controlled and maybe your husband will be in the situation where it can be controlled for a good while
Get as much information as you can before you make any big decisions and good luck for hopefully a long future together

crazyH Thu 09-Jan-20 17:19:33

So sorry Lindylou ....be brave and strong. Thinking of you both.

Sparkling Thu 09-Jan-20 17:24:24

So sorry. Hopefully his cancer can be managed. Could you do reduced hours for a while. If you have good work colleges and friends they could well sustain you through difficult times, but it's only you that make that decision.

Lindylou23 Thu 09-Jan-20 18:20:51

Than you all for your advice very much appreciated, obviously it is a knee jerk reaction from me. I do have very good work colleagues would help me through. We will take time our time and no hasty decisions until he has seen haematologist.

CanadianGran Thu 09-Jan-20 18:40:46

So sorry to hear of your news.
As to stopping work; it really depends on your husband's needs on a daily basis. If he is able to carry on with his regular schedule, then he may be fine with you working.
If you enjoy your job and need the income, that may be another reason to keep working.

However, if your job is at all stressful, then perhaps focus on your husband and spending quality time together is the most important thing. Taking time off for appointments is another consideration.

A co-worker took a leave while her husband was sick, but she admitted afterwards she felt a bit isolated and out of sorts with her routine.

You are right to make no hasty decisions. All the best.

Doodle Thu 09-Jan-20 19:04:02

I think, as others have advised, you need more information before making a decision. You need more info about treatment and the prognosis I would suggest. Sorry to hear you’ve had this shock but as someone whose DH has had more health problems than most I can say that getting good info is the best place to start and you will need time to process this. Hope all goes well. DH’s haematologist is great and very helpful.

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Jan-20 20:10:13

I have been in your situation, albeit somewhat earlier in my life and an DH with a different type of blood cancer but I do remember that initial stunned feeling. Can I recommend you contact Myeloma UK who will support in many ways.

I remember the feeling of wanting to spend every moment with him and gazing at him non-stop, trying to store up his image in my mind. Until he snapped at me! If I am honest those first days were too intense for both of us. After a week I went back to work part-time.

Myeloma is a long term condition for most. If you have a “dream “ to fulfil like travel then now is the time to give up work and do it otherwise maintaining as normal a life as possible in between treatment was best for us.

Pm me if you think I can help💐

SueDonim Thu 09-Jan-20 21:56:38

I’m sorry you’ve had this awful shock. flowers I had news over Christmas from an old friend whose dh was diagnosed last year with multiple myeloma and like you, she felt her world had fallen apart. However, nine months on, he’s been through treatment and things are looking much brighter and they are getting on with life.

Another friend was diagnosed with a chronic leukaemia three years ago. He needed treatment last year but now says he feels in tip-top condition and is raring to go. Work practises had to be changed because of the risk of infection while on chemo but life is reverting to normal for them, too.

I hope it all works out ok for you. smile

Hetty58 Thu 09-Jan-20 22:13:50

When my late husband was terminally ill, he desperately wished everyone would carry on as normal - and not treat him 'differently' or fuss over him.

'Why are people being weird?' he said 'We all die sometime, and I'm not dying yet! Don't they realise that I really don't want to talk about it or focus on it?''

He wanted his 'normal' days for as long as possible (when there wasn't hospital treatment). Beat that in mind and don't stop working too soon.

Hetty58 Thu 09-Jan-20 22:14:41

(Bear that in mind)

Harris27 Thu 09-Jan-20 22:24:53

So sorry your going through this and can’t imagine how you are feeling. take time to let it sink in and get as much advice on his condition as possible. Take a little time off work to help you come to terms with things but also remember work can be a Good distraction even just for a few hours of ‘ normality’. I wish you both well and hope you get the support you need.

Lindylou23 Thu 09-Jan-20 23:05:49

Thank you all your messages of support have helped me a lot, I know it's a long road to travel but I think we can do it