Gransnet forums


Nurturing others and mental health

(14 Posts)
ExperiencedNotOld Sat 18-Jan-20 10:48:48

There’s been some recent mention by others about some of the unpleasantness found amongst posts, I can be robust in debate but try and respect that others have had different experiences to colour their particular opinion.
What we should remember is that sometimes people are struggling to cope with their ongoing situation and may be putting on a smiling front whilst in absolute turmoil, being desperately in need of some kind words and/or do have mental health issues.
Society has changed for the worse over the past few years. People are self-obsessed, living in a bubble of their own opinion. Having a bad day, they ensure everyone they come across suffers a little too. Some presents an opinion or does something they disagree with, they’ll attack and destroy, aggressive in their righteousness. And so on.
Many years ago I was taught how to use the telephone by having a mirror in front of me. You’d look at the mirror whilst talking to your client and the engagement became more meaningful, You smiled with your voice through seeing another face. Think about the more personal experience when using FaceTime or Skype calling now.
Why am I telling you this? It’s because how we deal with others has an effect not only in them but on you as well. Try smiling at people in shop doorways, the checkout person, whoever, drawing a genuine pleasure about what’s right in your life rather than focusing on what you perceive is wrong.
Just as we can never appreciate how others truly feel, we’ll never know just how much a smile or a few kind words will mean to others. But I do know that 99% of the time it’ll be positively received.
This equally applies to the nature of posts on this site. I read a post this morning that said using the site made her feel less lonely. A bold admission, but each of use are here for our own reasons. None of us are here for the brickbats.
Treat others at you’d wish to be treated yourself.

Marydoll Sat 18-Jan-20 10:55:37

ExperiencedNotOld, an excellent post! 👍

ladymuck Sat 18-Jan-20 10:57:03

The trouble is, that we have different personalities and it comes across on sites like this. I understand what you're saying but, just as people are different in real life, so we are on the internet.
There are some people who seem to make a point of being unpleasant, but they are probably the same in the flesh.
If we had a cull and removed all the nasty ones, it would all be a bit false, wouldn't it?

Jane10 Sat 18-Jan-20 10:58:03

See previous thread on this topic

anniezzz09 Sat 18-Jan-20 11:08:58

Great post Experiencednotold. I've seen the 'different personalities' line used quite often, it's a way of pushing away the hurt that rude and unpleasant people inflict. Kindness has disappeared in the UK especially on social media where you can't see the other in front of you, as the OP points out. Empathy is a quality to develop and shows maturity. Lashing out is living life as a sulky child.

grannyqueenie Sat 18-Jan-20 11:14:54

A lot of good common sense here. “Kindness” is much under rated, it’s surely possible to heartily disagree with someone but still be kind to them?

Alexa Sat 18-Jan-20 11:21:09

Sometimes not so, Granniequeenie. Sometimes I 'meet' posters online who are downright fascists.

mumofmadboys Sat 18-Jan-20 11:43:51

It is easy to slip in to being a moaner or a maker of cutting remarks. I agree wholeheartedly with your post Experienced. It helps ourselves and the people around us ( online as well) if we try to be positive , kind and up beat when we can.

Alexa Sat 18-Jan-20 11:53:38

Mumofmadboys, how can I be positive, upbeat, and kind to a fascist who posts on an internet forum? Such persons are sometimes planted by organisations that use forums to spread their ideas.

Eglantine21 Sat 18-Jan-20 12:01:07

Surely the most effective response is to argue against the fascist statements - or anything else that you disagree with.

Once people start throwing personal insults I always feel it’s because they have been presented with information or a way of looking at things that they can’t argue against.

EllanVannin Sat 18-Jan-20 12:53:16

Society in general has changed a lot of people's perspective on life, how you should live it, what you should eat, wear, not wear etc, a dictatorship of do's and don'ts.

I'm more of a doasyouwouldbedoneby person, always have been and have stood my ground and not followed the sheep in being/ trying to be someone I'm not.

I can be feisty when/where necessary but not often might I add. It's no bad thing standing your ground with something you feel passionate about providing you don't offend others by " bad-mouthing " their beliefs, then them running to report as a " victim "as does happen !

As many of you will know I also post on a crime forum----which does require nerves of steel at times because discussions can get very heated but swearing or personal attacks are never allowed as it's strictly monitored.

Nevertheless, the forum in question has taught me a lot over the years, to be assertive in what you believe in without resorting to mudslinging or the like, concentration on a particular subject rather than let the mind rot away altogether in later life.

In fact the internet is a Godsend to those of us who live alone with its many subjects to explore and join in with. It should be compulsory for all retired people and not an instrument of torture for those whose delight it is to cause misery to others while remaining incognito-----cowards in other words.

Mental illness is in those who hide behind a screen spouting venom at every given opportunity, not the ones on the receiving end as they can close the lid and walk away from it ! Nobody is made to put up with this kind of behaviour.

I have to feel sad/ sorry for those who do resort to name-calling and insulting as I always think that their lives must be so miserable as to start on people they don't know and have never met. They're the ones to be pitied. There's always a reason for their hostility.

Sara65 Sat 18-Jan-20 13:41:35

I agree Ellanvannin, that some of these forums are probably a lifeline to a lot of people who are lonely or housebound, but surely they are the most vulnerable, and therefore susceptible to peoples nastiness and unkindness. For most of it we probably just think, how rude, or what a vile person, but if you’re shut in on your own, you’re far more likely to dwell on it.

My daughter tells me they’re keyboard warriors, hiding behind their laptops, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be causing a lot of upset.

NonnaJazz Sat 18-Jan-20 14:42:06

Well said ENO!

I do think we live in an age of self obsession....for many folk at least.

Too much emphasis on personal opinions, often thoughtlessly expressed and not enough emphasis on engaging with how others might be feeling.

A little kindness goes a long way in most situations....I aim to apply a bit every day.

Careless cruelty is commonplace too I think but hurts the sender too in the long run.

Cabbie21 Sat 18-Jan-20 15:24:26

I think that people who reply on a phone may be inclined to be brief and it can come across as terse, or even rude. In A few words it is not always easy to convey a tone, which can make all the difference to how a comment is perceived.