Loneliness in hopitals

Iwould prefer a private room and interestingly in Spain all the rooms are individual (except in intensive care) with 2 beds so a family member can stay. They are expected to stay most of the time to help with washing, getting drinks etc. Also all the rooms are en suite.

The loneliest time in my life was being in hospital having my third baby. Her birth was difficult then she was In special care for 10 days.
We were newcomers and I knew nobody and had no visitors. My mother was looking after my other children, miles away and without any transport. My husband came but had nothing to say and didn’t want to see our baby, who he had never wanted. I was struggling to breastfeed a very sick baby and got no help at all.
Such sad memories of what’s meant to be a happy time.

have reported it.

More likely to get a slap round the head with a wet kipper Mike.
S*d off and stop wasting everybody’s time. ?

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and get well wishes faye17

When having my first baby 36 years ago I was put in a private room. I had a CS and they thought I would be better as it meant I could rest. Dreadful experience. So depressed. When I had mt second baby it was an elective CS and I insisted I came home after 48 hours. So much better and the midwife visited at home straight away to check I was ok. To me being in that room alone was like solitary confinement!

Slightly off piste, was in maternity ward, ten beds, after my first baby, my doctor came to check on me, (curtains were round) said quite loudly, let’s see you breastfeed, want to make sure baby latching on properly etc, then went, the mum in next bed said, blimey, your husband is forceful, but very handsome?

Yes I've heard horrific stories about fathers staying on maternity wards, including wandering around in their underwear, using the patients showers and toilets, watching films on their tablets late at night and invading the privacy of mothers trying to breastfeed.

I can't believe this is allowed.

There's a bit of a hoo haa going on up here re maternity wards. Obviously, new mothers are put out ASAP these days but in our local hospital Dads are encouraged to stay overnight if there are problems. This is pretty awful for new mothers trying to recover and bond with their new baby, struggling with feeding etc. Not everyone has a Dad these days and some of the ones staying are loud and inconsiderate, phoning, filming, ordering takeaways etc. The wards are 4 bedded and some poor mothers are desperate to sleep but can't. Single rooms really would be best for in these places.
When I had our babies I was in an old fashioned nightingale ward. The staff were great. We had compulsory rest times with lights out and no visitors while the babies were being looked after in a nursery. We were so well looked after by kind staff. I made friends with the other ladies. It was a lovely time.

Anytime I've visited someone in a large shared room I've found them stuffy and smelly, people using bed pans behind curtains while other patients were eating, other patients drips beeping at all hours etc.

Maybe they were different years ago when Matron ruled the roost, the wards were spotless, visitors had to behave with consideration, and night time disruption was kept to a minimum.

I think communal sitting and TV rooms and separate dining areas for mobile patients are a good idea. Also more than one bathroom per ward with absolute vigilance in ensuring patients only use them, and not lazy visitors who can't be bothered to walk down the corridor.

Franfern
Wishing you the very best of health

Thankyou so much H1954

I think if you're ill or only in for a short time then private rooms are best. Longer term, which is the reason for our project, they can be socially isolating. As stated previously, I'd prefer a room of my own overnight but somewhere more sociable during the day. A recent hospital stay was only for four nights so my own room and bathroom was lovely especially immediately post operatively. I had a lot of staff input as there was a lot of nursie type things to do so I wasn't on my own all that much.

When I had my son 32 years ago the maternity hospital was really busy and they opened an old ward in the basement. I was in it with 2 youngish girls who kept disappearing to the smoke room (glad that's gone now) 2 floors above leaving their babies for what seemed like hours at a time. I kept having to buzz for a midwife as these poor babies would be left crying with no one to comfort them.
I trained as a nurse in a hospital with Nightingale wards and there were good and bad things about them As a nurse you could see at a glance if anyone was struggling but they weren't very private. Some people like a lot of company and some not.

Faye17, the reason for my hospital stay last September was for a similar condition to yours. However, I managed to get myself discharged after only a couple post-op days. Did (accidently, of course) give the Bed Manager the idea that I would be having someone at home to look after me - (which I did not), but knew I would be able to recover quicker at home than in hospital.
However, in the 6-bed area of the ward I was in, had some lovely other ladies and I got on with them very well. Due to the fact we were the last beds in the ward, and timings, I was not given any proper meals when I finally got there from recovery room, was really very hungry,. Following morning, when brekkie was supposed to come round, there was little left on trolley. By that time I was able to move round and wanted to go down to hospital shop to purchase something to eat, but had no money on me., These lovely ladies offered to loan me money for this purpose (did not become necessary as Nurse was so concerned about me that she made me a proper breakfast in nursing room).
As I already have a stoma bag, was not really happy about a further waste disposal bag, but also got told this was not going to be necessary. They did not give me a percentage chance of the growth re-occurring, just told me I would need at least twice years checks to see if that is happening.
I think that the ideal system for me in hospital would be for a private room with en-suite at night, but communal room during the day. OR....better still,- no more hospital stays!!!

Most hospital stays are very brief now. I was in for two nights for surgery and was still quite weak and woozy when discharged. It would have helped to be in a single room where I could have had peace to rest and sleep. Other people had lots of visitors and one patient was admitted in the middle of the night. Whilst it's quite nice to have company when you are recovering, most of us aren't in long enough for that.

I would much rather be on my own. I am a private person by nature, and find enforced company very stressful. I would find it particularly so if I felt ill, and if I were dressed in pyjamas it would be even worse.

I have recently been involved in a campaign to save a local hospital unit for the elderly (it failed), and one of the things that made it so dear to its residents was the fact that it had single rooms.

People could watch TV without hearing different channels from other beds. Visitors could talk to their loved ones without those in nearby beds joining in their conversations. Those at end of life had privacy to have conversations that were sometimes difficult or sensitive. The patients had their dignity preserved as they could make sure that they were clean and ready before being seen by others. Personal possessions were much less likely to go missing than when they were left in a ward, where other patients, often suffering from Dementia, were able to see them. Sleep was easier, as people weren't wandering about, or heading back and forward to the loo.

So many things were better, but the unit was closed and the patients moved to a public ward in a neighbouring town for reasons of cost.

I wouldn`t like mixed wards either, or a communal shower/loo area. Private room with en suite for me

It depends on the person really. I like my own room and being able to read in peace, have my own bathroom, get a decent night's sleep etc. Other people like company and being able to watch lots of goings on.

In a big ward though, unless it's all elderly people, you're bound to get at least one inconsiderate patient making phone calls in the middle of the night with no consideration for anyone else. I've heard of so many people having to put up with this in hospitals nowadays and staff seen reluctant to interface.

Jane10 have sent you a PM

? Faye17, wishing you a speedy recovery and a positive outcome! What a trial you had to endure and losing your sister too. So dreadfully sad.

I must say that this is not my idea. I've been recruited to do it. Similarly the tea party is also something I've been recruited to do. The hospital itself has discovered this need. Naturally, only people that the staff think would benefit from some company would be visited.
It's all part of a much bigger national project which has been funded. Other GNers might find their local hospital runs such projects.

I was recently hospitalised for a bladder tumour removal. I was in hospital for 5 days during which time I was moved 3 times always to another public ward with at least 5 other patients. My beloved sister died 3 days before my admission & I was allowed go to her funeral service the day after my surgery.
I was in considerable emotional distress also because I was told I may have to have my bladder removed & there was concern also about my kidneys.
I am also quite a private person but can adapt when I need to. However each time I was moved I had to explain my circumstances to a new group of patients from whom I had no separation. I found it all very unsettling. The night before I was discharged the lights & tv were on til after midnight as that was the wish of the majority of the patients on that particular ward. That was also the day I had been been told I might lose my bladder. I pulled the curtains around my bed & cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I got out of the bed & decided to give what assistance I could to a couple of older frailer ladies having their breakfasts in bed. It did take my mind off my own worries.
All in all I would have really appreciated being left in the one spot - the moves were all in aid of ward management, not for my medical needs.
If I could have the luxury of my own room I think it would suit me personally as I had sufficient visitors to occupy me while still giving me lots of quiet time to rest, read & sleep.
Some people love to talk to everybody & have no qualms about asking the most personal questions of you just because you're in a bed in the same room. It can all be a bit much but I suppose it's part of the indignity of being in hospital.
Thankfully I have since been told my tumour was a a very low- grade cancer with only 5% chance of recurring. It was all a small price to pay to have had it removed & to receive such a positive prognosis

The hospice where I volunteer has 10 single ensuite rooms. All rooms have windows with views over the park. Residents can see people walking by or exercising their dogs and the rooms have a TV. There is a lovely sitting room with ocean views, a piano, books, jigsaws etc, another smaller sitting room and a dining room. Large family/friend groups are easily accommodated. Residents can walk or sit in the park or be pushed around in a wheelchair.
Volunteers are considered to be an integral part of the team valued and provide company and support and various therapies eg massage, reflexology, music and pet therapy. Whatever background volunteers have ,be they doctors, nurses, social workers or students for example, they have to undergo training in end of life care.

I'm with Hetty58 on this one. Hetty58 Sat 08-Feb-20 23:35:20
It would be another F* off from me.
I've only been in hospital three times giving birth and I pray I never have to go in for a health reason. I remember not being able to sleep. People walking about and lights going on. Like Hetty, I like my privacy and my own company.
My 80 year old brother has just been in a general hospital for three weeks on a ward and transferred a few days ago to a local hospital rehab unit. He has his own modern room, television, bathroom, wardrobe, desk and chair. A communal dining room with tables for seating six where he gets taken down in a wheelchair as he has limited mobility. He's happier than has been for a long time.
In fact, we've been telling him that we're all moving in.
Just saying that people are different, some like to be in a single room, others like to see some activity.
I found that as an activity volunteer myself in an elderly residential home, dominoes, playing cards, bingo, guessing for example, flowers beginning with a certain letter of the alphabet etc are popular.
Good luck Jane. Being a volunteer is a satisfying role.
If you should find Hetty in a room and I'm in the one next door..........you best just walk on by.