Are we now expecting to have mental health problems?

There are routes out of the hell. You may have to persist but it can be overcome, to an extent where you can get on with your life.

How do you know this Greymar? Are you a mental health professional? Tell me how to overcome social anxiety disorder (agoraphobia). I'm all ears because I'd love to be able to go out on my own but I haven't been able to for the last 9 years. Tell me how to 'persist' in order to free myself from this prison. I've had been treated by psychiatrists, psychologists and mental health nurses but to no avail. I've engaged with every therapy and treatment they've suggested but I'm still a prisoner. If you have some new ideas I'm open to suggestions.

Sally, I'm now in tears reading your post. What courage it must have taken you to tell us your story.

As I said before, unless you have walked in those shoes, people will have no conception of the abject despair and all consuming feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and anguish, someone experiences when suffering from cruel, invidious, mental health conditions.

People come on GN and post their opinions, often without thinking through the impact their post may have on readers.
That view of "pulling yourself together, it's not that bad, " is still prevalent today, going by some of the posts here.

There but for the grace of God, go I'. Mental illness is not selective, it can come knocking on anyone's door.

Sally, I hope you find some sort of peace in your life.

Sally, I wouldn't worry too much about what quizqueen has to say.

Depression and mental health issues are dreadful things to deal with and it is made more difficult that you have no outward signs to let others know. However, I also think that there is a flip side to this. When I was going through depression I read a book that asked ‘are you depressed or are you sad?’ When my husband died my doctor wanted to medicate me for depression, but I argued I was just sad. Perhaps the victorians got it right with their year of mourning and black armbands and black dresses. Is it possible that if society ‘gives permission’ for us to be sad and that we can express that by clothing etc that we can ‘heal’ not quicker but better. How many people suffer depression after horrible life changing events that might just be extreme sadness at what’s happened to them. I appreciate that depression can also just happen without rhyme or reason and it is difficult to cope with. I am not suggesting for one minute that everyone is the same but perhaps sadness happens more often than we think and if it was handled differently it might not progress to disabling depression. Love to you all.

I have so much respect for the people sharing their stories here. Depression has been part of my life for so long but I still sometimes forget who I am without it. I manage it myself these days having no actual reason to be depressed doesn't cure chemical imbalance. I'm able to pull myself out of it when I realise I've gone too low. Its really hard because depression is not me. I'm a cheerful and optimistic person so it's a real struggle going from one end of the spectrum to the other. Keep up the good fight fellow strugglers. You are worthy of love x

Quizqueen, reading your comment just now has left me in tears, I can only hope that you are not in a position of power over those of us who do fail to meet your standards.

I can only speak for myself, and with my tummy doing somersault I'm going to try to tell a little of my story, if it makes you and anyone else sharing your views perhaps be a little less judgemental in the future it will be worth any possible nastiness.

I have never drunk alcohol, I've never tried illegal drugs, but I am an addict, I'm a smoker who no longer smokes. I had my last cigarette in March 2013, but I know just one would have me smoking again. Does that make me better or worse than a drug addict or alcoholic?

I have hopped from one partner to another, why? I felt unloveable; as a young woman I was very badly hurt, and for many years believed myself to be the useless, ugly, worthless young woman who had little value, a creature that belonged in the gutter. For the next 10 years I was attracted to men who had as many problems as I, with each my self esteam dropped lower. I don't deny I must have been a difficult partner, so needy, so emotional, perhaps that's why I became the victim, and believe me, I have the scars to evidence some of the abuse.

25 years ago, I met a different kind of man, and perhaps my own more mature approach to relationships brought about a change; the fact that we are still together probably evidences this.

But it hasn't been easy, I over spent, one of the symptoms of my manic behaviours is my uncontrollable spending (no longer an issue as I don't have control of any money), I worked hard and earnt a good salary, but what I spent it on? No idea! I do know that on one manic spend, I spent several thousand pounds on tents, sleeping bags and warm clothing for street sleepers, for that short while when I was being Ms Bountiful, I was liked, these people were my friends, as were the shop staff who sold me the goods. 6 months later I had to declare myself bankrupt.

I am now what is described as 'compliant', I take my medications, I attend the psych hospital for therapies, and I haven't attempted suicide for several months. My life is pretty steady. Happy? No, unhappy? No. I don't really feel. Suicidal ideation is my bedfellow, it never leaves me, but I'm trying really hard for my husband's sake.

But is life easy? No, it never has been! It's quiet, calm, and manageable now. I can't leave the house on my own, can't use the phone and my health isn't brilliant, but perhaps without the high emotions of the past its fairly steady. But if there is one thing I've learnt it is to never judge others.

SallyB392. So brave speaking out, please, please let go of the
shame , you have no cause to hold it, the shame lies with those
ignorant about the illness , I send you hugs x

There are routes out of the hell. You may have to persist but it can be overcome, to an extent where you can get on with your life.

What a brave and honest post SallyB392; you've demonstrated perfectly why hiding or denying that mental ill health exists is so dreadfully wrong and the additional harm it can do. You have nothing to feel ashamed of and I'm sorry that you've been made to feel that way in the past. Here's hoping that more honesty and openness about it leads to fewer people being made to feel as you have.

Sally, very brave of you to share this. ?

I was first diagnosed with 'manic depression' (now known as bipolar), in 1976. I was told to never tell anyone.

Every so often I needed inpatient treatment, that was explained as my being tired so away for a rest. I'm sure everyone knew the truth, but it had to be hidden. I was made to feel ashamed and alone. Over the years I have made no end of suicide attempts, some very close to being successful, but I always failed, that sense of failure, and the guilt have become a bigger and bigger back pack that I will be carrying for the remainder of my life.

Over the years I have acquired a number of labels, its taken many years for the start of this new openess about mental illness, and though I will never quite lose the feeling of shame that I grew up with, I will do everything in my power to be open about my experiences, and illness. I don't want anyone to have to go through my experiences.

I feel very sorry for your loss, Joelsnan. Also, I agree with all you wrote in your post.

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to think out loud and explore some ideas. Nobody is suggesting a suicidal person can be helped by some facile suggestion to go for a walk. There are ways out of the pit, therapy, medication, exercise.

Annie I too have struggled with stepping out of the door. Its hard, too hard some days. Then there is the panic when I get more than 3 steps from the door so yes I know where you are coming from.
I agree with you about unhappiness and I think that is what the OP and others were trying to express but you hit the nail on the head.

Can I add something. I have two AC. My first, a son, was born quietly, cried quietly and has been calm all his life. My second, a daughter, was born kicking and screaming. She hardly ever slept as a baby and has been stressed about something all her life. Having had these two who are so different I have to believe the way we are is the way we are wired.

HAZBEEN, you can cope with stepping outside your front
door, I can’t. I am fortunate I don’t suffer from depression but
even after over 40 years can remember what a dark place it is.

I firmly believe in something Dorothy Rowe said, unhappiness
is not depression. I think this is the root of self diagnosing,

I think I get where the OP is coming from even if she has as she said herself not expressed it as clearly as she would like to. Annie I too have read your posts about your daughter and your own struggles and my heart goes out to you. In fact you have at times made me feel ashamed as I cant always cope with far less. I have suffered from severe depression and been under treatment off and on for years (since my teens) and am currently receiving treatment (drug and counselling). About 11 years ago I attempted for the first time to take my life. Luckily my partner found me. That although didnt stop me trying again. After that for the first time ever I was able to talk to him and friends about it. The feeling of not being "alone" is something I cannot describe.
For all what I have said above I do feel that some posters are right about some people self diagnosing as depressed when what they really mean is they feel sad or things havent gone their way.
When I was young mental health issues were not talked about except when someone "went loopy" or was "sent to the funny farm". It is better that we are more open and honest now but social media etc. can also do a lot of harm.

I had an aunt who was depressed.
For as long as I can remember she was the same, and then her daughter began displaying similar behaviour.

Both of them were referred for psychiatric help and the diagnosis for the daughter, my cousin, was that she was displaying ‘learned behaviour’ from her mother.

The O/P spoke of 3 suicides, would exercise classes have saved their lives ?

Big difference between mental illnesses and feeling down when a good walk could help.

To leap from suicide to positive thinking is stretching things is
it not

No one is happy and cheerful all the time ,some people are exceptionally good at putting on a face for family and friends and like the late Robin Williams the rest of the world .If you know a member of your family has a mental health problem its easier ..though not easy to keep an eye out for the mask slipping .

Those of us who have dealt with family live in hope they aren't too good at being the life and soul while suffering in silence ,I KNOW my daughter will talk to me even when she tells her mental health worker its not AS bad as it is

.Its best not to pass judgement when you believe the problem isn't a serious one as only the person living with it knows how bad it is there is a tendency to think if you do not feel happy and cheerful all the time then you have amental health problem that needs treatment NO just no that is very wrong Depression and feeling unhappy are very different things and you thinking that is a problem in itself

You can have depression and be supported to become stronger and resilient. I suppose that is the basis for some therapies like CBT, which can work well for some.

lizbethann I see where you are coming from and I agree with those who say that in the past mental illness often went unmentioned and undiscussed,

But so also did suicide. Someone I knew went to great lengths to make sure his mother's inquest was held as quietly as possible as he didn't want the local paper reporting her death as suicide.. Coroners would also go to great lengths not to give suicide rulings, if they could use some other verdict. like 'accidental death'.

I think now, perhaps, the pendulum has swung a little bit too far the other way. Look at all the cod psychology on GN, everyone with a member of their family they cannot get on with, immediately sticks a narcisistic label on said relation.

There is also a tendency to think that if you do not feel happy and cheerful all the time then you have a mental health problem that needs treatment. Many non-medical ;treatments' are being developed for these groups like walking groups or exercise classes or similar, which I think is an excellent idea.

I would sooner a person who is only feeling ‘a bit down’ gets help because they spoke out than a person in a desperate state gives up. Thank god for being able to talk about our mental health more❤️

The O/P spoke of ‘royalty down’ speaking of mental illness,
as the son of a woman who had mental illness good for William.

My children have both lost friends to suicide in their late teens/early 20s. The saddest fact I always feel is that when we are young, sometimes we live so in the moment and are unable to project ourselves forward and imagine a time when we won't always be paralysed by misery.