Leah you're doing really well, looking after your DH and Grandchildren too.
However, I would say that lampshades are just not worth getting upset over, so perhaps you are feeling at the end of your tether. Would your DH consider smoking outside and not in the house? Or using patches or a vaporiser? The smoke can't be good for you or the DGC, or indeed him if he is not well.
I cleaned the conservatory thoroughly this morning, as spiders seem to have made a lot of webs in here when I wasn't looking. However, I still couldn't reach the top ones which are annoying me.
We have to know our limits and also realise it would be worse if we had an accident.
My friend sends her DH out to his shed if he wants to smoke. It is a large shed though!