Is there a condition where you don’t recognise people?

Well done, WW010, now you know why!

Oh and sorry. Stretching the point I know but it’ll make you laugh. For my birthday (using a list I gave him) he got me some blue gemstone earring studs with a diamanté border. They’re lovely and I said so. For Christmas I got exactly the same pair but a shade lighter. ???. Ahh. Gotta love em.

Oh this is like a lightbulb moment! I know it’s not a formal diagnosis but the comments given explain so much. I never get compliments about myself. He will very very occasionally say ‘that’s a nice dress’ but not ‘you look nice’. I once asked him - in frustration - what he liked about me. He said that I ‘look after my family’ ?. Not ‘you have nice eyes’ or suchlike. He will only wear black unless I comment he needs a colour. He loves straight lines and before I moved in his house was all black and white and very ‘cold’. He’s building a car and engineers every part to his own spec. If we decorate he can’t have fun doing it. It has to be a serious job done perfectly. Good enough isn’t in his vocabulary. However he also doesn’t finish jobs when he can’t make them as perfect as he’d want. I now need to learn how to manage him. Thanks so much. I so appreciate this. Xx

Jane10, just copied a previous poster, it is such a mouthful of a complicated word.
I just know that, whatever it is, DD has it and is part of a research study into it, and she says she inherited it from me, but I only know there are times when I cannot identify a face. For some reason I never recognise a photograph of the model, Kate Moss, when I see it, and rely on the caption for identification and I am completely bemused by how so many people can recognise famous people when out and about.

I have it. Obviously recognise people I know well but struggle to recognise others who I may have met and spoken to more than once. It is awkward and embarrassing,
If people are in a different place, in different clothes or change their hair, or TV or films where there are people in uniform or Scandinavia noirs with too many blond women with long hair, well I am stumped. Dd the same.

You learn something new everyday ....never realised there was such a condition.

WW010 - You're more than welcome, and charity begins at home - with you looking after you and caring for him because you want to and you understand the relationship and how it is for him. The very best of luck with it. x

NellG

WW010, from what you say it sounds like he is both worried and frightened by these experiences. That doesn't mean it's not a neurodiversity issue, but it could mean he has no clue as to how he can do better. People with autism/aspergers etc are more than capable of deep and profound love but may struggle to express it in ways non neurodiverse will recognise easily. It's also possible that stress and fear will exacerbate things - his strange childlike ways of trying to put things right are possibly behaviour he recognises as caring/soothing etc but does not 'feel' and so can't recognise them in proportion to the offence caused. I don't know, but nothing that you've said makes me think he doesn't care for you - it sounds like he just doesn't compute and communicate it in ways that are meaningful to you. Lost boy is a very good description! Again, if he doesn't feel able to seek support outside your relationship, it might help you if you can explore how you feel with someone. Best wishes.

Thanks so much. It’s what I thought but I guess I’m seeking verification. I have considered seeking support for myself as I’m fairly sure he wouldn’t even consider it. I wouldn’t know how to even broach it. Thanks all for your support. It’s great to be able to share in a safe place.

WW010, from what you say it sounds like he is both worried and frightened by these experiences. That doesn't mean it's not a neurodiversity issue, but it could mean he has no clue as to how he can do better. People with autism/aspergers etc are more than capable of deep and profound love but may struggle to express it in ways non neurodiverse will recognise easily. It's also possible that stress and fear will exacerbate things - his strange childlike ways of trying to put things right are possibly behaviour he recognises as caring/soothing etc but does not 'feel' and so can't recognise them in proportion to the offence caused. I don't know, but nothing that you've said makes me think he doesn't care for you - it sounds like he just doesn't compute and communicate it in ways that are meaningful to you. Lost boy is a very good description! Again, if he doesn't feel able to seek support outside your relationship, it might help you if you can explore how you feel with someone. Best wishes.

Hi all. I’m 64 he’s 68. We’ve been together 8years and he’s always been like this. He knows he’s bad at communication and emotional intelligence. When I’ve gently challenged him in the past about something he looks - again like a little boy being told off - but if pushed will admit he knows it’s a problem. I’ve thought many times he doesn’t care about me but then we go to bed and he reaches for my hand and holds it like he’s a drowning man. No words. Just holds my hand tight. And, as recently when I’ve got very upset, he’s doing his best to make things right. But in a way that a child would rather than an adult. E.g. he won’t sort out the main big issue but he’ll bring home a bun for me. It’d be funny if it wasn’t sad. I dunno. He’s like a lost boy sometimes.

Hi WW010 - It sounds like a really worrying and upsetting situation for you and it's not hard to understand your concern. When you have spoken to him about these 'anomalies' in his behaviour does he believe you and acknowledge it might be an issue? Is he aware of his behaviour but unable/unwilling to change it? I as k because if he's aware and unwilling/unable to change it it would suggest a behavioural or personality issue. If however it's a series of compulsions/drives that points more to some form of neurodiversity ( ie Autism spectrum) or possibly some organic changes to brain function ( disease/dementia). In any case, if you feel he is at risk, or he is a risk to others ( stalking is worrying at best) then I think you have to speak to a doctor in the first instance, even if it is your own GP who might be able to guide you on your concerns. Best wishes, it's a tough one.

Jane10

Er it's prosopagnosia rather than prosomagnosia. If sudden onset it should be checked in case its symptomatic of another underlying condition.

Yes, my fault for copy-pasting from a previous post without correcting the spelling. Sorry.

Er it's prosopagnosia rather than prosomagnosia. If sudden onset it should be checked in case its symptomatic of another underlying condition.

The OP does not say that it is sudden onset, I got the impression that it was rather that a behavoural pattern that pre-existed but has begun to cause problems. Indeed the problem with thinking someone was his daughter, and almost stalking her happened a couple of years ago, which certainly suggests the problem has been around sometime.

I stick to my suggestion of possible autism or something similar and also that the problem has existed in one way or another all his life.

I agree with PippaZ neither of the conditions mentioned have a sudden onset. I think you should get a professional diagnosis WW. Good luck.

PippaZ that was my first thought. The poster doesn't tell us how old her husband is, which could be relevant. We don't know how long they have been married, either, or if he used to have be different but has now changed.

petra DD suffers from this, and it immediately sprang to mind when I started to read the OP.

But prosomagnosia is simply being face blind. The OP talks of her P as he thinks people are close friends when he’s only met them once or twice. and where he doesn’t recognise the distinction between different types or levels of relationships and/or doesn’t easily recognise faces?? I mean how do you forget what your daughter looks like??? Isn’t it instinctive??.

If he has prosomagnosia, he may well not recognise his daughter if he sees her, especially after a long time. At the extremities of that problem, people really do not even immediately recognise partners and children they live with.

However, him pursuing someone around a town convinced that they are their daughter is something else entirely and does not accord with prosomaagnosia.

It sounds to me as if he may be on the autistic spectrum and this should be investigated, or it may be something esle. Either way he needs psychological assessment for his sake and yours.

I don't think you would see a sudden onset of Asperger's unless you are saying you have always seen this sort of behaviour. Not recognising faces is a "thing"; it's called Prosopagnosia or face blindness but again, I would not expect a sudden onset unless he has had a stroke or head injury.

No one can diagnose something for you on a forum but can I just tell you that my mother did not recognise my brother the last time she saw him. He was here from America and it was a couple of years since he had last been. He visited her everyday for four days and I explained that it was her much loved son and his wife. After the last day I phoned her and asked how her day had been. She said " You said it was "dear son" but Pippa, it wasn't the picture I have in my head.
I have never heard that side of Alzheimer's summed up quite as well.

It may not be that but, if you can arrange for your OH to see his doctor and he agrees, it would be one thing crossed off the list and a chance to find what is going on.

Prosomagnosia is a visual processing disorder, and doesn’t account for the OP’s husband failing to attach appropriate value to people or relationships. I agree that it sounds, from this description, more like an autistic spectrum disorder, where relationships are commonly misinterpreted. But without a proper assessment and diagnosis by a specialist it’s hard to say, and getting an assessment as an adult is not easy.

How long has this been going on? If it's recent, ie last year or so, it could be a result of the stress of covid.

The name for this condition is:Prosomagnosia. There is a lot of information online.

I would say, hesitatingly, that he could be autistic, but undiagnosed.

The best thing would be for him to understand the problem and seek an assessment.